essay...

justme920 · #1 10-02-2008, 12:08 AM

i just finished my first draft of one of my college application essays and was curious if i could borrow one of your brilliant minds for a bit and ask you to look over it and make changes. pm me or leave a email and i will email it to you? sorry if im not supposed to ask this of yall. im unaware of any reason why it would be taboo. thanks for your help.
-emily

nittanyalum · #2 10-02-2008, 12:18 AM

Don't you have HS guidance counselors or, I don't know, parents? Why would you want a completely anonymous random person from the internet to not only get your personal information when you email your document, but then take their feedback when you don't know them from jack? What if some freak just decides to mess with you?

I feel like an old fogey saying this, but man, kids today scare me.

justme920 · #3 10-02-2008, 12:48 AM

our counselors are always grumpy when people go in to talk to them.. as are our librarians... for some reason all our admin hate children... my parents didnt go to college and havent written an essay in twenty years so idk how much good their feedback would do. i guess though i am a bit too trusting... i just cant imagine someone taking the time and effort to surf a greekchat board for the random person to prey upon, but sadly im probably wrong in that assumption. i tend to assume that all people are good people.. it didnt even occur to me that somone could somehow connect my essay and an email address to a dangerous combo much less care enough to attempt to do so

agzg · #4 10-02-2008, 10:58 AM

I'm not going to read your essay for you, but I'll give you a couple of tips.

Double space it. Use the grammar checker on your MS Word - it's not right every time, but it can call to attention areas that will sound weird if spoken aloud. Read it out loud yourself, so that you can hear the flow of the essay.

MAKE SURE YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION. If it's a question asking for a personal experience that leads you to want to go to I.O.U. then make sure you pick the most interesting personal experience you can muster, without lying. College admissions personnel can tell a lie from a mile away, but they also read about 700 million of these essays so make it as interesting as possible.

If they ask you to write about a person in the news that you look up to, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD DO NOT SAY Hillary Clinton/Barak Obama/John McCain/Sarah Palin.

Instead, choose someone who gives back to their community. A local philanthropist. Something like that. Don't choose the easy choices - if they say they want to hear about who you look up to - DO THE RESEARCH BEHIND IT.

I think college applications are due in March? If so - you have plenty of time if you need to re-work your essays.

Munchkin03 · #5 10-02-2008, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I think college applications are due in March? If so - you have plenty of time if you need to re-work your essays.

Huh? "Plenty of time?"

Don't forget, the standard Early deadline for a lot of schools is November 1; it's getting to the point where the top state schools have admitted most of their class by March.

So, if she's trying to get into a college early, or she's applying for competitive merit scholarships, she doesn't really have plenty of time.

agzg · #6 10-02-2008, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Huh? "Plenty of time?"

Don't forget, the standard Early deadline for a lot of schools is November 1; it's getting to the point where the top state schools have admitted most of their class by March.

So, if she's trying to get into a college early, or she's applying for competitive merit scholarships, she doesn't really have plenty of time.

Wow - just. Wow.

Munchkin03 · #7 10-02-2008, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

Wow - just. Wow.

What, you find it hard to believe that some people actually apply to college in October?

justme920 · #8 10-02-2008, 09:57 PM

i am aiming for early admissions lol. i have everything done but my essays.

as to answering the question, that is why im feeling nervous about my essay. it was to write about a person that has impacted my life and why they are important to me, and my paper is about how all people impact me in many different ways. one paragraph is about some stranger i served at work and how his relationship with his daughters inspired me to be closer to my family and another is about how while one specific band member has not made a huge impact in my life, the unit of support created by the band family as a whole has changed the person i am drastically.

im nervous, because im playing the line of whether or not im answering the question, and either it will be appreciated as unique and interesting or frowned upon as not answering the question... thats the biggest reason im looking for outside help lol. im nervous about taking a risk...

agzg · #9 10-02-2008, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

What, you find it hard to believe that some people actually apply to college in October?

Actually, I find it hard to believe that you would jump all over MY NOT KNOWING FOR SURE when it was due (considering that there was a question mark after the word MARCH) and then saying, IF it was true that they were due in March, that the OP would have plenty of time to rework the essays.

A simple "It's probably due in November" would have sufficed, considering that my syntax and use of punctuation indicated that I was not sure that they were due in March.

I also find it hard to believe that you would jump all over my post, without giving any clear advice to the OP. It's one thing to dismiss a troll, or someone who obviously has no clue that the sky is blue or water is wet. It's completely different to hijack a thread asking for help in order to express your desire to be more correct than someone else.

To the OP, pick one person. It clarifies your points and and indicates that you were able to make a clear decision about who has impacted your life. They know that you have not only been inspired by one person, but they only asked for one.

justme920 · #10 10-02-2008, 10:41 PM

my SAT scores qualify me for automatic admissions. does that mean that my application isnt gonna get a whole lot of scrutiny?

SWTXBelle · #11 10-02-2008, 10:52 PM

No.

I would read the admissions requirements very carefully - even if your score is on the "automatic admission" chart, if they require you to submit an essay it WILL be read and evaluated.

Also, you don't want to begin your college career trying to get by with the least possible effort. That is NOT an attitude which will lead to college success. Put forth the effort, and do a job you can be proud of, whether it is required or not.

justme920 · #12 10-02-2008, 11:14 PM

im not trying to avoid work, i was just curious about how they do the auto admit thing. i didnt know if real people actually looked at it or if some random computer did it. and squirrel, i didnt use correct grammar in my post, because i didnt realize it would be evaluated. i was just trying to get the general idea out there.
thanks for everyones advice about the topic. i guess it comes down to the fact that i have recieved this prompt like a million times over the years and it bores me to death. i guess i will just go start from scratch and write another mind numbing essay about my gramma or a teacher or something...

VandalSquirrel · #13 10-02-2008, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme920

im not trying to avoid work, i was just curious about how they do the auto admit thing. i didnt know if real people actually looked at it or if some random computer did it. and squirrel, i didnt use correct grammar in my post, because i didnt realize it would be evaluated. i was just trying to get the general idea out there.
thanks for everyones advice about the topic. i guess it comes down to the fact that i have recieved this prompt like a million times over the years and it bores me to death. i guess i will just go start from scratch and write another mind numbing essay about my gramma or a teacher or something...

Well you put the topic out there, and that's how you write. Those are the types of errors that can hurt you. It doesn't matter if you planned on it to be evaluated, it is part of your writing habits and is obviously something you should pay attention to if you obviously write in that manner on the fly.

MysticCat · #14 10-03-2008, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme920

as to answering the question, that is why im feeling nervous about my essay. it was to write about a person that has impacted my life and why they are important to me, and my paper is about how all people impact me in many different ways. one paragraph is about some stranger i served at work and how his relationship with his daughters inspired me to be closer to my family and another is about how while one specific band member has not made a huge impact in my life, the unit of support created by the band family as a whole has changed the person i am drastically.

im nervous, because im playing the line of whether or not im answering the question, and either it will be appreciated as unique and interesting or frowned upon as not answering the question...

You're right to be nervous, because you are not answering the question and therefore not following directions. If you are asked to write about A person, then write about A person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Here's a tip, a person can't impact your life because impact is an action verb, so unless your bodies collided, that is poor usage.

Thank you!

agzg · #15 10-02-2008, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme920

im not trying to avoid work, i was just curious about how they do the auto admit thing. i didnt know if real people actually looked at it or if some random computer did it. and squirrel, i didnt use correct grammar in my post, because i didnt realize it would be evaluated. i was just trying to get the general idea out there.
thanks for everyones advice about the topic. i guess it comes down to the fact that i have recieved this prompt like a million times over the years and it bores me to death. i guess i will just go start from scratch and write another mind numbing essay about my gramma or a teacher or something...

You don't have to do another mind numbing essay. I would suggest that, unless your grandmother's story is extremely interesting (for instance, she was kidnapped by pirates and then a bunch of ninjas came and saved her) you might not want to write about a family member. Those become cliche. Do someone interesting. Was there a story in the paper that made you re-think your perspective on life? Why? Is there more research you can do about the subject of the article? Is there a member of your church or a social organization that has an interesting story which changed you in some way?

When you use too many examples of people who have had an effect on the way you've turned out, it looks indecisive.

Unfortunately, I just had a test/interview for a job, and I had to bring the same types of narratives that I needed for both college and grad school. I'm not saying that most jobs require them, but some do. You have to find ways to make each essay distinct and very true to who you are as a person.