Legacy dropped R1 recruitment

[GoGoolia]

Hi,
My daughter just went through recruitment. The day before they ended up switching to a virtual format because of Covid so it was not the recruitment anyone had hoped for. They watched sorority videos and videotaped themselves so it was hard to get a feel for the houses, and I am sure, visa versa. My daughter is a legacy. She was released after the first round and never even got to meet them. Frankly, I was dumbfounded. But I understand these things happen.

I am aware that the AOII legacy policy was changed but I am still surprised that they wouldn't consider her a good fit since she checks a lot of boxes..

The problem is..., I never received a phone call that she would not be asked back to any of the virtual parties. I did send in a recommendation with all my info too so they had my contact info. Obviously, I can't speculate too much on what went wrong but why wouldn't they contact me via phone or email? Should I reach out to them and ask them why they did not offer that courtesy? The bylaws state: If a chapter releases a legacy at any point during the recruitment process, a member of the Alumnae Advisory Committee must contact the AOII relative of the legacy by telephone, if possible and with consideration to time, prior to distribution of invitations for the next round of recruitment events.

[GoGoolia]

I do understand there is no info about why they were dropped. But not sure why they would not be able to reach me. I gave them my phone number as did my legacy. I received no incoming phone calls that day. It is disappointing that they did not try.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by GoGoolia

I do understand there is no info about why they were dropped. But not sure why they would not be able to reach me. I gave them my phone number as did my legacy. I received no incoming phone calls that day. It is disappointing that they did not try.

Check your email including your spam filter. Phone calls are no longer required, email is allowed instead. If you did not receive an email, feel free to reach out to the recruitment advisor via email to ask why. It could be that they are new or not fully trained. Email addresses are in alphalink I believe. They cannot give you MS information. Recruitment is such a numbers game,especially the first round or two that it may just be a ranking issue.

I’m sorry that your daughter was released and I do hope she finds a home.

[JayhawkAOII]

It doesn't really matter why or why not they didn't find her a fit. As membership selection is private, its just not for anyone but chapter members to know. Some advisers don't call because they have 100+ legacies and maybe all they would be doing is making phone calls.
I hope she found her home and it is best to just leave it be.

[GoGoolia]

Originally Posted by JayhawkAOII

It doesn't really matter why or why not they didn't find her a fit. As membership selection is private, its just not for anyone but chapter members to know. Some advisers don't call because they have 100+ legacies and maybe all they would be doing is making phone calls.
I hope she found her home and it is best to just leave it be.

I doubt it. It is a mildly competitive and not very large greek system. Maybe just lost in the shuffle?

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by GoGoolia

Hi,
I am a new member and an AOII alum. My kid just dropped out of recruitment so I am sad. It was not what it was cracked up to be and ended going virtual at the last minute. She is pretty, outgoing, Captain of the Volleyball team. But never got to meet chapters. Just videos back and forth. Not the recruitment she had hoped for.
Julia

I read in your other thread that your daughter dropped out of rush entirely. What a shame she didn't go through to Pref with the chapters that she had left on her schedule. Really a shame. She might have found a wonderful sisterhood. I know it is hard to come back from a huge disappointment. I can only imagine how hard it would be to encourage your daughter to continue with the process, but that is what moms have to do.

[GoGoolia]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I read in your other thread that your daughter dropped out of rush entirely. What a shame she didn't go through to Pref with the chapters that she had left on her schedule. Really a shame. She might have found a wonderful sisterhood. I know it is hard to come back from a huge disappointment. I can only imagine how hard it would be to encourage your daughter to continue with the process, but that is what moms have to do.

Mom's also have to respect their daughter's maturity level and ability to make their own decisions. My daughter felt that the virtual process was not working for her. It was only decided the day before that recruitment would be virtual, which I am sure, no one was happy about. She did not get to meet all the houses, she only got to watch their videos and they hers. She also decided to go through recruitment at the last minute so did not know much about the houses and had to judge them based off their recruitment video. She felt like she did not get a feel for the houses and visa versa. She liked the houses that invited her back so that was not the issue. She wants to go through it again after she gets a better idea of the houses and not just based off a video or when she actually gets to meet them in person.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by GoGoolia

She wants to go through it again after she gets a better idea of the houses and not just based off a video or when she actually gets to meet them in person.

I think a lot of PNMs get the idea that they have a big choice at the beginning of recruitment.
They really don't.
The weight of choice is on the sororities' side for most of rush. They're the ones releasing PNMs. Certainly a PNM can express her preference, but that comes way down AFTER the sororities release or don't - that's why "unwanted" sororities keep showing up.
About the only time that a PNM's choice reigns supreme is when she ranks her pref day choices.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

I think a lot of PNMs get the idea that they have a big choice at the beginning of recruitment.
They really don't.
The weight of choice is on the sororities' side for most of rush. They're the ones releasing PNMs. Certainly a PNM can express her preference, but that comes way down AFTER the sororities release or don't - that's why "unwanted" sororities keep showing up.
About the only time that a PNM's choice reigns supreme is when she ranks her pref day choices.

THIS THIS THIS! If any PNMs or their moms are reading, please note this! The material that Panhellenic passes out seems to suggest that you can just waltz right in and happily select your favorite.

[AnchorAlumna]

I know my sorority has eliminated the requirement to contact the legacy connection.
There simply isn't time. And what are they going to say? "We hated your daughter?" Of course not. All they can say is, "Sorry." And they'll never give you a reason. They may not even know - she just came up short in the numbers.

[Titchou]

Was yours the only AOII rec? That could be a problem. Not knowing the campus make up, it's hard to say. Am sorry this happened and that she didn't give the other chapters a chance.

[GoGoolia]

Nope. Not a huge Greek system, they don't really require letters of rec.

[AZTheta]

Dropped back in to GC after months away and see that things haven't changed. Sigh. GoGoolia, I disagree with those who say "too bad she dropped". I'm not going to victim blame or shame; quite the reverse. Have we all conveniently forgotten what it felt like to be 17-18-19 and go through a stressful situation alone? To have our hearts set on something and not have it work out the way we wanted? Sheesh. Further, she didn't like her remaining choices. So she opted to withdraw. She gets to live with her decision. She's sad. She's hurting. I can empathize. Others can too but probably aren't voicing their support for a myriad of reasons.

For you, as the AOII alum/mom - this is painful and a life lesson that we all would like to skip. My suggestion is to simply listen to your daughter and take a "wait and see" approach. I gather you've been somewhat removed from all the changes in recruitment and legacy policies, for starters. I hope your AOII sisters will continue to support you as they have here. And there may yet be a sorority membership in her future. I have many stories of "failed first recruitments" that ended with success the second (or even the third) time around. There's a member here with a story of finding her home after three fails. Hang in there. I hope you see this and don't give up.

Going back to where I came from now.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Dropped back in to GC after months away and see that things haven't changed. Sigh. GoGoolia, I disagree with those who say "too bad she dropped". I'm not going to victim blame or shame; quite the reverse. Have we all conveniently forgotten what it felt like to be 17-18-19 and go through a stressful situation alone? To have our hearts set on something and not have it work out the way we wanted? Sheesh. Further, she didn't like her remaining choices. So she opted to withdraw. She gets to live with her decision. She's sad. She's hurting. I can empathize. Others can too but probably aren't voicing their support for a myriad of reasons.

For you, as the AOII alum/mom - this is painful and a life lesson that we all would like to skip. My suggestion is to simply listen to your daughter and take a "wait and see" approach. I gather you've been somewhat removed from all the changes in recruitment and legacy policies, for starters. I hope your AOII sisters will continue to support you as they have here. And there may yet be a sorority membership in her future. I have many stories of "failed first recruitments" that ended with success the second (or even the third) time around. There's a member here with a story of finding her home after three fails. Hang in there. I hope you see this and don't give up.

Going back to where I came from now.

As per usual, AZTheta waxes wise.

[PGD-GRAD]

Yes, AZTHETA, your words are both wise and RIGHT ON! I’ve missed your excellent writing and wise responses these past months. Here’s hoping you’re in a good place…both physically and emotionally…