How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

Once again, you got me! I'll also discard all of my graduate work in history because I wasn't there and "have no skin in [the] game".

I sense that you are very young.

[AZTheta]

bakd, you really need to step away from the keyboard.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

I sense that you are very young.

I sense that you are out of touch, but alas, that hasn't stopped you today!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.

Never said you were unstable. And a military contract and recruitment are not nearly the same thing.

And yes, this is totally generational. There are more PNMs now, more legacies, and limited spots. It is an honor to have them (still is) but we cannot have them all.

The best thing I can suggest for older women who have daughters coming through would be to educate themselves on release figures, numbers of legacies coming through at schools (moms talk), and your organization's official policy on legacies as you'd be hard-pressed to find one that says "all legacies must receive bids." The more prepared you are, the more prepared the child can be to keep an open mind (rather than assuming they're a shoo-in for their legacy chapter.)

[Phigirl04]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Nowhere in my vows did it state that my reward for loyalty and hard work would be membership for any progeny I might have. "Payoff"? Really? This is news to me.

Further, what does it say about your sisters' loyalty to their GLO, if they put those types of conditions on their membership? "I am only going to support my GLO as long as I get what I want." How mature. Further, THAT sounds like bullying to me.

Simple mathematics indicates that the number of legacies far exceeds the available openings in any given chapter. As for your "national officer" comment - I think you're grasping at straws to support your unhappiness.

I need the like button for this one.

I was lucky as a legacy that my mom's group was not on my campus so I never had to deal with that pressure. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't liked them (especially if she had such strong feelings about us being sisters) or if they didn't like me.

[bakd]

You can harass me all you want - I know that I represent many, many Greek women. You just don't like it.

Don't shoot the messenger, and all of that...

Goodnight.

[AZTheta]

ORLY.

Flounce (accompanied by door slam and pearls popping)

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by bakd

I'll put it another way:

Have you ever known of a case where a national officer of any sorority has had a daughter that joined any house other than her own? I only know of one from many years ago and that is because the daughter went to a university for a specific academic program, and the school did not offer a chapter of that sorority. She joined her paternal grandmother's house. What is sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.

Why should other alumna be bullied into feeling that they are selfish if they want their legacy in their sorority? (Presuming the daughter wants to be there, too.)

I think I said this somewhere upthread -- my mother is a former national officer of Kappa Alpha Theta. My grandmother and great-grandmother were also members, and my great-grandmother was a founding member at the chapter where I went through recruitment.

The Theta chapter at my campus released me. Why? I have no idea -- I had a strong recruitment otherwise and ended up in the chapter of my choice -- but I know they are a very highly desired chapter and usually have more legacies rushing than quota. My mom was upset, but she also understood that it was the active members' prerogative to do so.

I'm an international officer in my own organization now, and despite my background, I feel strongly that chapters should be able to make their own membership selection decisions within the legacy policy of the international organization. I don't want to be a part of an organization where every pledge class is made up entirely of legacies. I don't want to exclude possible members who are first generation college students; who are from a less wealthy background; who don't have the privilege of knowing the right people.

[MaryPoppins]

ROFLMAO

Originally Posted by AZTheta

ORLY.

Flounce (accompanied by door slam and pearls popping)

Hat tip to Honeychile for the gif!

[SWTXBelle]

I realize bakd has gone . . . flouncing and all . . . but let me point out:

WE DO NOT AND CANNOT KNOW IF BEING A LEGACY IMPACTED YOUR DAUGHTER'S RECRUITMENT.

I am a legacy who was cut by one of her legacy sororities. It never occurred to my legacy member to hyperbolically predict the end of the sorority system.

I have been involved in alumnae panhellenics long enough to know that MANY very active alumnae have daughters who are not in their mothers' sororities. They, however, are more concerned about their daughters' happiness then in some perceived "payoff" they are owed.

Obviously, I am the poster child for multi-generational sorority membership, and I love having my mother and my daughter as sisters. HOWEVER, I would be thrilled if my daughter were a member of any of the other 25 NPC members, and would still have that special NPC bond with her.

[als463]

Originally Posted by bakd

I really am seeing that this really is a generational thing. Let me give an example:

I have a cousin that was in the military back in the 1970s. He was made promises as to his retirement benefits and medical benefits back when he joined. He specifically looked at his situation and decided it was a good enough offer and each year as he made decisions as to whether he would re-enlist. If the current Congress were to come along and say that they are going to cut his benefits, he would be very upset! After all, he put his life in harm's way and spent his life making decisions based on this contract.

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bid selfish to me.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by als463

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bit selfish to me.

Yes, she did. I also agree with the rest of your statement. As I said earlier, she needs to check her perceptions.

I find it funny that she said "to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control." You know what smacks of control? The fact that the daughter is happy with where she is, that she knows membership selection is private, that she passive aggressively has told her organization, and that she has ignored responses from both older and younger members (including legacies) on this thread who said she was being ridiculous. That sounds a bit helicopter ish and honestly a little sad that she feels so betrayed/upset over this.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by als463

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bid selfish to me.

Oh, pleeze don't pull the military card on me...

That was just the best analogy that I could think of off-hand.

I had 6 uncles that served in WWII, 2 in Korea, 1 cousin in Vietnam, and 2 in Desert Storm.

My step-father-in-law was career military.

Congress can and does change benefits and the military is justifiably upset:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/busine...fd2_story.html

I said that the other understanding was like a INFORMAL contract.

[als463]

Originally Posted by bakd

Oh, pleeze don't pull the military card on me...

That was just the best analogy that I could think of off-hand.

I had 6 uncles that served in WWII, 2 in Korea, 1 cousin in Vietnam, and 2 in Desert Storm.

My step-father-in-law was career military.

Congress can and does change benefits and the military is justifiably upset:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/busine...fd2_story.html

I said that the other understanding was like a INFORMAL contract.

That was a really bad analogy then. Also, just because you have people in your family who served doesn't mean you are all-knowing about military affairs. I realize that there have been cuts to military benefits, seeing as how both my husband and I are Iraq war veterans so, you don't need to post stories. WCSweet is 100% on point with what she said. I couldn't have said it better. Also, please don't pull that, "Well my brother, sister, mother, father, neighbor, milkman, gynecologist, etc. served in the military therefore I know" stuff. It will get you a look like this from anyone who ever served.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

You are Bat Shit Crazy!!! I'm from that exact time frame and not once have I or my sisters ever referred to "saving" the Greek system. Get off your soap box.

So here you are, reviving a thread from many moons ago, arguing with a plethora of well versed women in the Greek Community and can't figure out which battle to fight. Madame, you are out of touch with reality.