AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS -- A CHUCK NORRIS SPINOFF

barbino · #1 09-23-2008, 01:39 PM

This thread starts where the real Chuck Norris thread left off. Since we all want to hear more about Chuck Norris and his Tri-Delt chapter, here goes.

WHO: Chuck Norris, the Tri-Delts, Mike Huckabee and his wife, assorted PNMs, politicians, and celebrities. Guest appearances by random GCers.

WHAT: More Chuck Norris-style insanity.

WHEN: Present day Texas.

WHERE: An average DDD chapter house, somewhere deep in the heart of Texas.

WHY: Because despite our best efforts, the real Chuck Norris has not yet returned to entertain us all.

HOW: I'm going to write this, but I need all the help that I can get. Everybody join in.

Stay tuned for............................................... ..

AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS
episode #1: BACK AFTER SUMMER BREAK

epchick · #2 09-23-2008, 01:43 PM

Seriously?? Believe me not everyone wants another Chuck Norris recruitment thread.

HoosierGirl89 · #3 09-23-2008, 01:47 PM

YAY! Something else to distract us from the real world. I can't wait!

gee_ess · #4 09-23-2008, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epchick

Seriously?? Believe me not everyone wants another Chuck Norris recruitment thread.

I love the Chuck Norris thread. Chuck will definitely be offended that you are not impressed with his greatness.

DolphinChicaDDD · #5 09-23-2008, 02:16 PM

Ok, if we must write something about Chuck Norris and Tri Delta, can we at least not hyphenate Tri Delta? There is no hyphen.

Thanks. Enjoy your thread.

barbino · #6 09-23-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I love the Chuck Norris thread. Chuck will definitely be offended that you are not impressed with his greatness.

I am very much impressed by Chuck's greatness. That is why I'm writing it.

Chuck...... you still have time to stop me.

SWTXBelle · #7 09-23-2008, 02:26 PM

Interesting . . . a thread held hostage.

gee_ess · #8 09-23-2008, 03:48 PM

See? It's a very Chuck-like thread already!

Chuck Norris · #9 09-23-2008, 06:33 PM

Chuck will officially endorse this spinoff authored by barbino. Chuck apologizes profusely that his temporary absence from GC has caused such heartache. Threads take time to be written well and his last memoir was possible due to his then-illness and time off of work. The flu season will soon be looming, so perhaps another Chuck-authored thread will be possible then ;-)

Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets to epchick that she apparently has no sense of humor. Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets that he gave her a roundhouse kick to the floor and then subsequently body slammed her for her anti-Chuck libel. Once she regains consciousness, maybe she'll realize that she should keep such negative thoughts relegated to PMs to the other player haters or risk the full wrath of Chuck coming down on her.

gee_ess · #10 09-23-2008, 06:51 PM

Bowing and Scraping...

Chuck, we are not worthy! We are not worthy!

barbino · #11 09-23-2008, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

Chuck will officially endorse this spinoff authored by barbino. Chuck apologizes profusely that his temporary absence from GC has caused such heartache. Threads take time to be written well and his last memoir was possible due to his then-illness and time off of work. The flu season will soon be looming, so perhaps another Chuck-authored thread will be possible then ;-)

Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets to epchick that she apparently has no sense of humor. Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets that he gave her a roundhouse kick to the floor and then subsequently body slammed her for her anti-Chuck libel. Once she regains consciousness, maybe she'll realize that she should keep such negative thoughts relegated to PMs to the other player haters or risk the full wrath of Chuck coming down on her.

Chuck,

I am honored to be authorized by you to write the sequel to your Chuck Norris thread. Thank you for passing on my exact sentiments to epchick, also. I will try to have my thread project both you and the DDD's in a very positive light. Also, my authorship (like yours) is due to the fact that I recently had eye surgery and have been unable to work for a few weeks (I am writing this with one eye shut). This might be used as a subbplot, but I don't want to give too much away. Good to hear from you again - I never lost hope that you'd return to amuse us.
GC love,

Jimmy Choo · #12 09-23-2008, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

Chuck will officially endorse this spinoff authored by barbino. Chuck apologizes profusely that his temporary absence from GC has caused such heartache. Threads take time to be written well and his last memoir was possible due to his then-illness and time off of work. The flu season will soon be looming, so perhaps another Chuck-authored thread will be possible then ;-)

Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets to epchick that she apparently has no sense of humor. Chuck also extends his most sympathetic regrets that he gave her a roundhouse kick to the floor and then subsequently body slammed her for her anti-Chuck libel. Once she regains consciousness, maybe she'll realize that she should keep such negative thoughts relegated to PMs to the other player haters or risk the full wrath of Chuck coming down on her.

Welcome back Chuck! I look forward to your sequels and hope that barbino pleases you with her spinoffs.

Truly Yours,

your sister Jimmy Choo

honeychile · #13 09-23-2008, 11:40 PM

-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

-There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

-The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

-Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

-Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

-Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

-Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

-Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

-The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

-Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

-Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

LucyKKG · #14 09-24-2008, 12:20 AM

Yayyy I'm so excited!!!

gee_ess · #15 09-24-2008, 09:29 AM

Oh Honeychile! I think you must be related to Chuck...