Daughter Struggling with Decision

[lakemom]

My daughter called in the middle of the night in line to vote after Pref night at a medium, southern University. She had to choose between one sorority where she has felt comfortable all week and another great one that was Especially . She chose the first one I mentioned as her number one choice and now this morning said she said she couldn't sleep because she feels so bad about the other one. (It seems like this should all be happy. What can I do to help her not feel so bad. This process seems flawed to me - but I have never gone through it myself.

Is there anything appropriate for her to say to these other girls that were so nice to her ( she likes them alot)

[33girl]

Tell her to go up to those other girls she met at rush the next time she sees them and be friendly to them and thank them for being so kind and considerate during rush.

If she acted honorably - and didn't lead the second sorority on or make them think they were her one and only - the sisters of the group she didn't choose will respect her decision even if some of them are disappointed right now. The only time this stays sticky is if a PNM was telling a sorority all week that she loved them and couldn't see herself anywhere else - in effect, dirty rush turned inside out.

[elleyk5187]

Originally Posted by lakemom

one girl had tears in her eyes and said she can't wait to be her big sister.

is it just me or is this dirty rushing to the max? your daughter shouldn't feel bad if she didn't choose this house because she shouldn't want to be part of a group that does this...

[lakemom]

Just trying to understand, why is that dirty rushing?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lakemom

Just trying to understand, why is that dirty rushing?

Because she's implying that your daughter was definitely going to receive a bid. That is a rush no-no.

[lakemom]

when I asked her if she led them on, she said well you almost have to some, because she had gotten advice from an aunt that she should NEVER let a chapter know that she is struggling or torn about a choice. Is that wrong?

[lakemom]

Thank you - "pick them" is the wrong word choice , but can you tell me when (if she does get a bid from the first one) will the 2nd choice know that

[lakemom]

or should I say when she get matched up with the one, when will the other one know it, thereby know that they were not her #1

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by lakemom

Thank you - "pick them" is the wrong word choice , but can you tell me when (if she does get a bid from the first one) will the 2nd choice know that

Every campus does bid day a little differently, so it's hard to say. My campus would usually have preference on a Sunday and Bid Day on a Monday, and the chapter would see the list of who matched with them in the morning. We sent out the list several hours before Bid Day began (usually around 6) so that sisters could request Heart Sisters.

ETA: If your daughter is matched with her #2 choice, they won't know that she ranked them 2nd unless she tells them.

[baci]

I don't think that is something she needs to worry about. If she went with her heart and went with her first love, they have all been through it and they should understand. There may be hard feelings at first because some may have really wanted her, but most will get past that once they welcome their new pledges.

Try to help your daughter through this and let her know that she should not worry about it. This is her time to be happy.

(also, she could still end up with them)

[AOII Angel]

The chapter will probably not know she didn't pick them until their pledges arrive and she's not there. Sorority women are used to having people they like pledge other groups...it's not that big of a deal. She and her friends in the other group will be fine!

[gee_ess]

I second the advice to be sure and speak to the other girls who she did not rank 1st the next time she sees them.

Years (and years!) ago, I rushed a girl so hard, only to learn on Bid Day morning that she did not pref us 1st. I was so disappointed, but later on that day, as she was running to meet her new sisters, she stopped at our house, found me on the lawn and gave me a huge hug. It really meant so much to me and in that gesture, I knew she had done what was best for her (which is after all, what it is all about!).

[ComradesTrue]

co-sign what everyone else has been saying.

In addition, remember that the girls who are in the sororities right now had to make the same decision when they went through recruitment. In other words, your daughter's situation is not unique.

Simply encourage your daughter to enjoy her bid day- whatever house that may be- and to be cordial when seeing these other women. While that one sister may have been sincere (some are, some aren't, unfortunately) that chapter as a whole will be busy celebrating their own class and not worrying about "the ones who got away."

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lakemom

when I asked her if she led them on, she said well you almost have to some, because she had gotten advice from an aunt that she should NEVER let a chapter know that she is struggling or torn about a choice. Is that wrong?

Right: "I really love being here. I would love to be your sister."

Wrong/leading sororities on: "I can't see myself anywhere else, I am going to suicide you on my bid card, I have wanted to be part of XYZ since I was born, if I get another sorority I'll drop out."

It's like dating, even if you like the guy a lot you don't say HOW much...and you don't tell him you like him just so he buys you stuff.

[lakemom]

Thank you all for your advice and information. I don't think she understands that she could end up in the 2nd one anyway. She wanted to text those girls this morning and I hopefully stopped her in time. She keeps saying she hopes she made the right choice- sounds sad....