Re-Rushing

[prospective88]

Hi All

I previously wrote in the section for the sorority that i was interested in but some girls messaged me and told me that it would be best if i wrote on this section and didn't name names, and i have to say, i agree!

Okay so here is my long complicated story:

First semester freshmen are not allowed to rush until the spring, so thats what i did. I went through formal rush last semester. My school only has 5 sororities. When i rushed, i simply feel in love with the "Alpha" house, and i really saw myself fitting in with them. The other three houses Beta, Gamma, and Kappa, i liked, but was not in love with. Then there were the Sigma's. I could sense them rushing me really hardcore. They are one of the smaller chapters, kind of awkward and never ever reach total or get quota, so my school tailors the formal rush system in order to help them get more girls.

Well for pref night, i got invited to Alpha and Sigma only. I was really excited about Alpha, but disappointed that i did not get Beta Gamma or Kappa. But i went to Alpha and Sigma's pref parties anyway.

In the end, i suicided myself and only put Alpha on my bid card. On bid day i went to the greek life office and was told by my Rho Gam that i did not get a bid. My Rho Gam was actually in Alpha. She told me her sisters absolutely loved me.

She also said that Sigma wanted to offer me a bid. No girl put sigma on their bid card, and there were a RECORD NUMBER of suicide bid, and thus a record number of girls who did not get placed. So every single girl that suicided was automatically given a bid to Sigma and about 3 girls actually decided to pledge them. I was not one of those girls. I decided to not to go with a sorority that i was not interested, probably de-pledge and then have to wait a full calender year until rushing again.

My Rho Gam told me to def rush again next semester. Throughout the rest of the semester, her sisters would constantly tell me how much the wished they could have taken me and would invite me to eat lunch with them all the time.

However, last semester, i started hanging out with the Beta girls as well. Even though they didn't invite me to their pref. night, they were super nice to me. I started hang out with them all the time. Going off campus with them and clubbing. I started really feeling a connection with them that i did not experience during rush.

Here is my problem. I am rushing again this upcoming semester for Informal rush and i plan to attend Alpha and Beta events. But i have a lot of concerns:

1. If i get a bid from Alpha and Beta, and accept Beta's bid, how will that make Alpha feel after all the nice things they said to me after rush.

2. If i rush Beta, i fear they might be like: we didn't want you the first time, cant you take no for an answer? Even though i hang out with them does not nec. mean they want me to be a sister....

3. I cannot help but feel bitter that Beta did not invite to pref night. What about me did they not like?

4. If i accept Alpha's bid over Beta, will the Beta girls stop talking to me now?

i am very very confused and i would appreciate any guidance.

[violetpretty]

What AXiDGirl10 said!

[Katmandu]

You have gotten some very good advice from AXiDGirl10!!

Informal recruitment is usually very different from formal, and can allow you to see chapters and sisterhood in an entirely new light. You may find that you fall in love with the Sigmas, or you may discover that the Gammas or the Kappas are your true home. Keep an open mind, accept every invitation you can, meet as many sisters as possible, look to see who else the groups are recruiting (your new member class).

You will never know why you weren't invited to pref with Beta, but please don't let it hurt your confidence or your self-esteem. It may be that they sensed your enthusiasm for Alpha. Every sorority wants girls who want THEM. Or, they may have a history of large returns to pref parties and had to make some heavy cuts in order to meet panhellenic return number guidelines. Perhaps the sisters who knew you best were not very vocal in MS----you will never know. Cuts always hurt, no doubt about it, but they are not always a sign that the sorority didn't like or admire you. Most sororities see many potential members as desirable--they just can't invite them all back.

Another word of caution--partying and clubbing with people doth not a sisterhood make. You might find that you enjoy socializing and clubbing with a certain group, but that doesn't necessarily mean you will enjoy living with them, working on philanthropy and MS with them, making difficult decisions with them, perhaps knowing them for the rest of your life (many of my chapter sisters are now in alumni groups and on chapter advisory boards together and their daughters are chapter sisters in the same house. For many sorority women, it is truly a lifetime commitment that goes far beyond social compatibility--although that is certainly important .)

Good luck with informal!! I hope you have a wonderful experience. You never know where it will lead.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by prospective88

Hi All
1. If i get a bid from Alpha and Beta, and accept Beta's bid, how will that make Alpha feel after all the nice things they said to me after rush.

The Alphas might feel bad, but it's how it works. It happens all the time. They should get over it, especially with time. We had plenty of girls that we absolutely loved go to our "competition" sorority (I say this in jest, our chapters got along well and they were always complaining to us how we'd get "their girls") and at the end of the day there were really no hard feelings.

2. If i rush Beta, i fear they might be like: we didn't want you the first time, cant you take no for an answer? Even though i hang out with them does not nec. mean they want me to be a sister....

That's true, just because you hang out with them doesn't necessarily mean they want you as a sister, but it's a whole lot better of a sign than if they didn't want to spend time with you at all. There are plenty of women in this world that go through recruitment two or even three times before ending up in a sorority that they love. Sometimes its the one they've loved from the beginning, sometimes it wasn't. Crazy things can happen, and PNMs that are friends with lots of women in a chapter can slip through the cracks. In MANY cases, these women who have tons of friends in the chapter and for whatever reason got cut have a lot better success rate the second go around. No promises, of course, but doesn't that make sense?

In terms of how they'd think about you for going through recruitment twice....well, you have to take an honest look about how the Betas treat you now:

Bad signs: You get hunches that people think you're acting "desperate," some sisters are cordial to you but others ignore you or make no effort to get to know you, you make a bad showing of yourself at the clubs, the sisters only call you to come party, Betas have openly encouraged you to try COBing at other chapters (and not just in the "Panhellenic spirit" -- but by repeatedly saying stuff like "Wow, we really think you'd fit in well with the Gammas" or whatever), they don't openly talk about upcoming COB events with you, and so on.

I really hope none of that applies to your situation.

Good signs: You hang out with Betas one-on-one, you have great conversations with many of the women, you never feel like you're acting fake or putting on airs around them, you're comfortable in a large group of the sisters because they seem genuinely interested in getting to know you, they call/IM/text you just to say hi, they openly encourage you to try COBing with them in the fall, you know many of the women in the chapter by name and they greet you with a smile whenever you pass them on campus, and so on.

3. I cannot help but feel bitter that Beta did not invite to pref night. What about me did they not like?

In the interest of balance, I will say that there were plenty of women that we cut before prefs because they simply weren't right, but I can name five of my very treasured sisters off the top of my head that were cut early on in recruitment and ended up joining later via COB or a second formal recruitment. If the Betas aren't acting like they dislike you, then they probably like you just fine. Whether or not that will result in you receiving a bid is entirely unknown, but it's a start.

4. If i accept Alpha's bid over Beta, will the Beta girls stop talking to me now?

If the Alphas freeze you out if you choose the Betas, then they were probably acting unscrupulously to begin with (e.g. dirty rushing, getting dangerously close to bid promising). Would you really want to join a chapter that is mean to women on their campus just because they joined another chapter? Constant dramarama with other sorority women is never a good thing to have in a chapter. And on the bright side -- they might be disappointed initially but deal and you'll have made some friends in Alpha too.

Best of luck to you, and try not to worry. You're overanalyzing it a little bit... it's totally normal given the uncertainty of being a second time around PNM but I think you'll be okay if you relax a little. I bet most of your fears will end up being unfounded.

ETA: FABULOUS advice, AXiDGirl.

[prospective88]

Thank for all the help you guys! i will def be sure to tell you how it goes!

[prospective88]

hey you guys! my rush is beginning in two weeks and i have a quick question. even if a sorority invites you to come out to their informal rush events, is it bad to go to all of them. Like will it make me look desperate if i go to every single event a certain sorority is hosting? i am a little confused as to how to go about informal rush :\

[BSCAXO]

I actually have a different perspective. I went through as a freshman, preffed my "fav" and two others. At the encouragement of my Rho Chi, rankes all three and got my third choice. I wasn't happy with it and she was kind enough to come let me know ahead of time that I was offered my third--which I declined.

Open rush was not reall common except for the two that were my "two others" so it was pointless.

I actually went through rush again as a sophomore and had a GREAT time. It was awkward going in the house I declined but they were very professional about it. They dropped me of course.

I had really good friends in all of the others (went to the lake in the summer between, etc) and it doesn't mean much I'll tell you. The ones you know only have one vote each. I pledged one that I didn't know much about my freshman year but that was SO great and fun. It was totally meant to be. I was actually living with three of them while rushing my sophomore year (which believe it or not we didn't cheat until the night before bid day they told me I was in) and it was SO SO SO fun running up the hill to them.

ANYWAY, sophomore rush isn't necessarily doom and gloom as I ended up with what I thought was a much better sorority than I would have with open rush.

Hope this helps!

[prospective88]

Gosh, I have been reading posts and all these girls have already gone through rush and have been placed or not placed ... and im so so nervous cause my rush starts this week! my mom took me out to get my nails and hair done and we went to coach, vera bradley, american eagle, and banana republic to get all of my outfits in order. i am so nervous about this... i hope everything works out this time....

[xoheatherxo]

good luck!!

[AlwaysSAI]

Good luck!!! Keep your chin up and keep us posted!

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by prospective88

hey you guys! my rush is beginning in two weeks and i have a quick question. even if a sorority invites you to come out to their informal rush events, is it bad to go to all of them. Like will it make me look desperate if i go to every single event a certain sorority is hosting? i am a little confused as to how to go about informal rush :\

Go to every event you can if you really love one chapter. That way you'll get to talk to different sisters everytime and they'll get to know you. As we all know, and you've seen, formal recruitment is tough because most of the chapter has to go on the word of the 1 or 2 girls who met you and talked with you for 20 minutes.
It doesn't look desperate at all, it means you're taking a real interest in their sisterhood. I'd be flattered if a PNM (who was normal!) came to all our events because she loved my chapter so much.

[prospective88]

hi ladies! i have a question. okay... next week both alpha and beta are having events on the same day. beta's event starts and 5 and alpha's event starts at 6. so i was thinking of going to beta's and then to alphas. i just found out that both events will be happening at the our Campus Student Union Center, beta on the 4th floor and alpha in the basement, but in a very open space where all the food/restaurants are.

I just thought... what if one of the beta girls comes down and sees me at the alpha event and realized that i left their event to go to another one... how will that look? by the time these events take place i will have attended an equal amount of events for both sororities so i don't really want to have to choose one over the other... not so soon anyway...

if any could give me a lesson on rushing etiquette for this type of situation, i would greatly appreciate it!

thank you!!!

[REE1993]

I think that people will handle things based on your cues. Chances are, you wouldn't necessarily stay the two or three hours for the entire event, so leaving after an hour wouldn't raise a flag.

When it is time for you to leave the first event, thank everyone for their hospitality. If they ask for a reason, say that you have plans for 6pm. That's all you need to say.

I don't see it as a big deal if a Beta sees you downstairs with the Alphas. You said yourself it is a public place.

I would suggest trying to relax a little. You seem really worked up. Be yourself. Really. Moms say this and it's so true. And don't stress so much about designer clothing. Be comfortable and just have fun. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by prospective88

I just thought... what if one of the beta girls comes down and sees me at the alpha event and realized that i left their event to go to another one... how will that look? by the time these events take place i will have attended an equal amount of events for both sororities so i don't really want to have to choose one over the other... not so soon anyway...

if any could give me a lesson on rushing etiquette for this type of situation, i would greatly appreciate it!

thank you!!!

Go to both.

It's unlikely anyone from Beta will come to Alpha's event b/c recruitment events are usually mandatory for sorority women -- e.g., they really can't leave and cruise around. Even if someone did happen to pass by, it's unlikely they'd stop and scope out the situation long enough to realize you were there -- loitering too long at another sorority's recruitment event would make her look like she was either really awkward or trying to "spy" for some reason.

Going to multiple COB events was always encouraged at my school. If anything, I think it would make a sorority "compete" harder for a PNM if we knew she were carefully weighing all her options. Go to both, have fun, and don't worry -- you're doing the right thing.

[AlwaysSAI]

Now, I'm not in an NPC--but this advise was given to me while I was pursuing NPC membership by an NPC woman.

If you go to only the events for one sorority they will think they have you in the bag and may not think twice, but if they hear that you are going to events for other sororities they may think harder about wether or not to pick you up. Does that make sense??

Also, I think it's perfectly fine to go from one event to another. This is about you finding a sisterhood and both groups deserve an equal chance. I don't think either sorority would find it disrespectful and if they do, you probably wouldn't want those women for sisters.

You'll find you place!