Dating someone with a mental illness

PM_Mama00 · #1 08-18-2006, 11:33 PM

Have any of you ever dated someone with a mental illness, such as being bi-polar? What was/is your experience like? Any advice?

SydneyK · #2 08-19-2006, 08:36 AM

This is probably going to sound completely insensitive, but since you asked...

When I was in college, I dated a guy who was bi-polar. It was an extremely difficult relationship (if you could call it a relationship). We went out for only a couple of months before I realized that I simply would not be able to cope with his situation. He was on meds (some kind of lithium-type drug I believe) and, while they helped, he still had mood swings that I just couldn't handle.

I imagine there are varying degrees of this illness, and some might be more affected than others. I have no idea where he would've been on that "affected range"... it really didn't matter much. I learned that I simply am not cut out to be with someone who has to take drugs to be normal.

If you're considering dating someone who is bi-polar, you'll need to be prepared to be on the receiving end of whatever mood swings he goes through. Some days will be great; some days will be unbearable. It all just depends on how well you can handle the roller coaster.

carnation · #3 08-19-2006, 08:58 AM

My brother married a woman who was bipolar. When she was up she was great! But when she was down, she wouldn't take her meds and one day he came home from the base at 6 and she was still asleep and their toddlers had gotten into the freezer and were desperately trying to get some food. It went downhill after that and she returned to Korea.

Now my brother-in-law is engaged to a bipolar woman. I hope it works out better for him but apparently, some sufferers never get a hold on their disease.

PM_Mama00 · #4 08-19-2006, 09:57 AM

Well that's the thing. We were together for almost 2 months. I was with him and then found out that he had lied about everything in our relationship, except for the fact that he liked me alot. The last week before he got diagnosed was unbearable. He was snap at me, go off on me, and just started treating me not so great. Then one night he drank and took some generic xanax and..... well he got diagnosed finally and is on his meds. Seems to be doing well. Obviously we decided that things weren't gona work out but I'm wondering if it's even worth it to still be friends with him.

Kevin · #5 08-19-2006, 10:21 AM

I dated a bipolar girl for a few months. Eventually, she hooked up with one of my friends, no big deal, I just sort of stopped calling. I run into her at some restaurant where she's hostessing a few months later. Apparently between the time we dated, and then, she had attempted suicide four times, been diagnosed bipolar/manic depresseive, but she was better now and wanted me to call her sometime.

I didn't call.

preciousjeni · #6 08-19-2006, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktsnake

Apparently between the time we dated, and then, she had attempted suicide four times, been diagnosed bipolar/manic depresseive, but she was better now and wanted me to call her sometime.

Whoa!

SmartBlondeGPhB · #7 08-19-2006, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Have any of you ever dated someone with a mental illness, such as being bi-polar? What was/is your experience like? Any advice?

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

I dated a bi-polar guy who refused to stay on any medication and I gave up after a month (he had other personality issues). I could deal with his manic state.

amycat412 · #8 08-20-2006, 07:25 AM

the ex mr amycat is bi polar and unmedicated. it was an extremely dramatic and difficult relationship. bi polar people do not think or behave rationally. walking on eggshells was the norm.

i suppose it might have made a difference if he were in treatment, but i don't know.

ragtimerose · #9 08-20-2006, 09:15 AM

I'm OK...as long as I'm medicated. Having bipolar disorder has its challenges, and it has definitely affected my relationships, both with family and with significant others.

Thank Goddess I have an SO who understands. I've had to educate him, as well as educate members of my family, about what bipolar illness is and what it can do.

Rudey · #10 08-21-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amycat412

the ex mr amycat is bi polar and unmedicated. it was an extremely dramatic and difficult relationship. bi polar people do not think or behave rationally. walking on eggshells was the norm.

i suppose it might have made a difference if he were in treatment, but i don't know.

It's kinda mean that you are judging him when you talk constantly about taking psych meds like xanax. Some people just aren't as fortunate.

-Rudey

AlphaFrog · #11 08-20-2006, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

Thread

PM_Mama00 · #12 08-20-2006, 12:57 PM

Thanks, but that's kind of an old one and asks the question of whether you would date someone with a mental illness. I was looking for more advice and experiences with the situation.

adpiucf · #13 08-20-2006, 03:46 PM

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

SydneyK · #14 08-20-2006, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

Kevin · #15 08-20-2006, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Thanks, but that's kind of an old one and asks the question of whether you would date someone with a mental illness. I was looking for more advice and experiences with the situation.

Every experience is so extremely different that unless you want to be a little more specific, I'm not really sure where anyone could begin. Mental illness is such a vast area, and every case is different.

If your person is able to manage their disease, then maybe it's not such a big deal. If not, run, far and fast. Of course, as to whether they are managing their disease or not, that can change. Be aware of that.

On one hand, I think people with mental illness deserve a chance at a relationship. On the other, I don't think I'd be the person to give such a person that chance.