Pre- Booty Call Contract

[AXJules]

Ok people, print this out and have it handy to be signed BEFORE you get down. (No, I didn't write this.)

PRE-BOOTY CALL CONTRACT

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND
PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we
need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks
before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk
about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading
with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't
ask.

6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are
called the "backup," unless you are from out-of-town,
then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.

8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's
really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we
are not friends, just fuck buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK -
don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving
anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so
get your ass up, get dressed, and go the fuck home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it
- I don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response
will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the
reason is less eye contact the better.

18. NO condoms, NO fucking. Carry your ass home.

19. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.

20. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling
back looking for your ass.

21. If going to a hotel room, we either split the cost, or alternate who's paying....you pay this time, I pay next.

22. Don't bring any of your friends with you, unless they're gonna join the party.

* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the
holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts
to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it
will automatically become null and void and you will
then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted
from phone memory and email list.
In otherwords, you will be BLOCKED from all
communications until your silly ass understands the
rules.


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Participating Party
Signature____