Girlfriend's Guide To Booty Calls

[White_Chocolate]

Girlfriend’s Guide To Booty Calls


When it’s time to leave, let yourself out.
Stop always looking to us to walk you to the door so you can cop that last feel. I’m tired. Be out.

‘It’ doesn’t happen to everyone, every time.
And if ‘it’ happens to you too often, you need not be a booty call.

I’m not interested in what your boy ‘had told you he did with this chick.’
It’s always a stupid attempt to see if I’d be down with some freaky game-it will just piss me off.

Please keep your clothes in one heap on the floor that is readily accesible when we are through.
I’m not trying to stumble in the dark over you Timberlands, 2 way pager, cell phone, second cell phone for that illegal stuff you’re into, baseball cap, baggy jeans, basketball shorts(for those out-of-the-blue games) and wallet.

When you come to my house, and it’s over, and we’re both getting dressed, do not ask me where I’m going!
I’m going to mind my business. It’s not my fault you didn’t put me to sleep.

If you keep going soft when we try to put the condom on, just leave.
No, I don’t want to cuddle. I’m mentally making other arrangements. Get the hell out!

If you don’t go down, don’t come over.
Stay home.

Eat before you get to the crib.
I’m not that domestic. And I ain’t your girl.

Do not tell your crew what happened.
It may feel cute in the moment, but you’ll only be losing your booty call in the end.

Be on call.
Treat it like an emergency pager. When you get that beep, you must stop everything you are doing and. . .

Check with your answering service for your next steps.

Once in a while, get creative.
I mean, sheesh, come in the house and rip off my clothes or something. . .How many times have I shown up at your place in a trench coat and stilettos?


No emotional discussions.
You do it, too. (‘I thought you said you weren’t seeing anyone?’ ‘Who was that on the phone?’ ‘Why does your phone keep ringing?’) Blah, blah, blah. Shut up already.

If you don’t ‘get there’, that’s okay.
Camera angel: ME!

Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever call during Sex and the City.

If anyone asks who you are, you’re my boy from back in the day.
Shut up. And if you turn out to be wack, most likely my girls know who you are. Sorry. Sucks for you. Maybe you will get your weight up.

If you’re good, then they will definitely know.
We probably speak about it at least two times a week and in full detail. Sorry. Sucks for you.

If I don’t call you again, it’s cause you’re wack and I don’t want to be reminded of that wasted night.

If you’re small and you know it.
This is not the first time and the look on my face is not new to you. Don’t talk to me. You will only get your feelings hurt.