Girlfriend's Guide To Booty Calls
 

Girlfriend’s Guide To Booty Calls


When it’s time to leave, let yourself out.
Stop always looking to us to walk you to the door so you can cop that last feel. I’m tired. Be out.

‘It’ doesn’t happen to everyone, every time.
And if ‘it’ happens to you too often, you need not be a booty call.

I’m not interested in what your boy ‘had told you he did with this chick.’
It’s always a stupid attempt to see if I’d be down with some freaky game-it will just piss me off.

Please keep your clothes in one heap on the floor that is readily accesible when we are through.
I’m not trying to stumble in the dark over you Timberlands, 2 way pager, cell phone, second cell phone for that illegal stuff you’re into, baseball cap, baggy jeans, basketball shorts(for those out-of-the-blue games) and wallet.

When you come to my house, and it’s over, and we’re both getting dressed, do not ask me where I’m going!
I’m going to mind my business. It’s not my fault you didn’t put me to sleep.

If you keep going soft when we try to put the condom on, just leave.
No, I don’t want to cuddle. I’m mentally making other arrangements. Get the hell out!

If you don’t go down, don’t come over.
Stay home.

Eat before you get to the crib.
I’m not that domestic. And I ain’t your girl.

Do not tell your crew what happened.
It may feel cute in the moment, but you’ll only be losing your booty call in the end.

Be on call.
Treat it like an emergency pager. When you get that beep, you must stop everything you are doing and. . .

Check with your answering service for your next steps.

Once in a while, get creative.
I mean, sheesh, come in the house and rip off my clothes or something. . .How many times have I shown up at your place in a trench coat and stilettos?


No emotional discussions.
You do it, too. (‘I thought you said you weren’t seeing anyone?’ ‘Who was that on the phone?’ ‘Why does your phone keep ringing?’) Blah, blah, blah. Shut up already.

If you don’t ‘get there’, that’s okay.
Camera angel: ME!

Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever call during Sex and the City.

If anyone asks who you are, you’re my boy from back in the day.
Shut up. And if you turn out to be wack, most likely my girls know who you are. Sorry. Sucks for you. Maybe you will get your weight up.

If you’re good, then they will definitely know.
We probably speak about it at least two times a week and in full detail. Sorry. Sucks for you.

If I don’t call you again, it’s cause you’re wack and I don’t want to be reminded of that wasted night.

If you’re small and you know it.
This is not the first time and the look on my face is not new to you. Don’t talk to me. You will only get your feelings hurt.

And here is your AMEN SISTER WHITE CHOCOLATE

LMAO!!! Too funny!!

Sometimes, the guys need to understand the rulebook. There are always signals during sex that you're not enjoying it. . .the sigh, looking at the spot past him, etc. but other times, you just have to stay 'get the hell away from me!'

Here is what every guy wants to tell you. Some just haven't had the balls.

1. I don't give 2 shits what you say or what kind of gamebook/rule book you've created for this crap.

2. I only care that I am getting my rocks off.

3. While I might give a shit if you're with other dudes, in the end, I'm still using you and just don't want mold growing on my man because you decided to stop off at 4 other houses before mine.

4. You can tell whomever you want as long as I get my rocks off still.

5. You can damn hell be sure that I tell people you're easy. In fact, when I graduate I will be telling my little bros to hit you up. I will probably tell them exactly what to say to take your clothes off.

6. While I encourage you to do freaky shit, in the end, I care that I am getting my rocks off. That whole outfit you have on is great. You spent how much money on it? Yeah well, the end result is that I'm getting my rocks off.

7. And I guarantee while I might not be John Holmes, you've got something resembling the damn grand canyon down there if you're experienced. You're cooter just isn't up to par anymore.

8. And don't forget, in the end I'll be cool and you'll just be used. That double standard is my way of reminding you that as a woman, you are still below me.

-Rudey
--And if you're bad in bed, you get a money shot and everyone hears about it.

I don't really think this "girl's guide to booty calls" is very nice. I sure wouldn't want a man to treat me that way, so I wouldn't dish out that kind of treatment myself. Come to think of it, I don't indulge in any booty calls, so I guess my point doesn't hold for much. But don't say guys treat girls that way all the time so we should be able to do the same--so what if they do? We shouldn't stoop to that level.

and the number-one rule . . . *drumroll*
































This thread was a really good idea - I bet you get to use these rules all the time, in between insane crying sessions and ice cream with the girls. PS he's cheating on you, and doesn't feel bad about it.

-RC
--We also make more money in the workplace - that's like a money shot of the soul

white_chocolate, that was too funny!! Thanks for the laugh!

What's wrong, Rudey, get shot down over the weekend? ;)

I always thought that the only time a woman was below a man was when she was tired of being on top.

:) Ride on top? That's like washing a rental car.

-Rudey
--I don't care much for the rental car or the girl's needs.

Re: Girlfriend's Guide To Booty Calls
 

that was a cool thread. might have to copy it and give to my friends at school:cool:

Relax guys, it's nothing personal. *ducks*

This was the guide to booty calls, right? Not on how to tame a man and make him yours forever, right?

Women, we can't be mad when guys say it from their end. As shitty as what Rudey and KSig said sounds, that's probably how most of them think anyway so don't be mad.

Guys, chill out. Did this thread challenge your male dominance or something? Are you on testosterone pills today? It ain't serious, so you could have kept your more degrading thoughts to yourself. IT was supposed to be a funny thread, not a disturbing one.

Re: Girlfriend's Guide To Booty Calls
 

Ladies take note; this rule applies to y’all as well.

You don't want in on this action?...i need a third to complete the video Triumvirate...

Whaddaya say gentlemen, i take control of video production and distribution, and we market this tape as "Gangbang girl: the three hour edition"

split the revenues 4 ways = goodbye student loans