Deflecting an inappropriate questions

[FSUZeta]

I was talking with a PNM and the question came up as to the most appropriate and gracious way to deflect an inappropriate question, such as "What other pref. parties will you be attending?" What say you?

[AOII Angel]

I guess it all depends on how good of a talker you are. For the PNM with the gift of gab, she could just pull a Miss America and talk around the question without answering the question, ie. "Oh, I have just had such a wonderful time at Preference. It'll be so hard to make up my mind what to do. The girls at the other houses have been so nice but I'm not quite sure they are the right match for me. I really like this chapter, and I can't wait to see what the ceremony is like because I know it will show me that THIS is the house for me!" Not many people will have the nerve to bluntly counter with, "But where else are you going to Pref?"

[Sciencewoman]

I think there's some advice on handling this in the Rush Right book. I'm not sure if my daughter brought her copy home from college, but I'll ask her.

[FSUZeta]

AOII Angel, that is a good suggestion.

Thanks sciencewoman-hopefully daughter did bring her book home.

When the PNM broached the question with me, my mind went blank, so I told her I would turn to my panhellenic GC sisters for advice.

[Titchou]

I'm not so sure that it's an inappropriate question. Maybe that isn't the best way to phrase an attempt to find out but trying is certainly a valid exercise.

[FSUZeta]

It doesn't seem very sporting to me...the poor PNMs are nervous enough as it is. In fact I think it is kind of tacky. Maybe the PNM should simply counter with "Why?"

(I was kidding PNMs, please don't do this!!!)

[DaffyKD]

Back in the olden days when I went through rush I had no idea there were inappropriate questions. No one in my family had been Greek while in school and neither had my friends, so I went into rush blind. I had no intentions of pledging-- only went through rush to move out of the house a week early since my mother and I were at each others throats.

I had been told by my mother who is a believer in all things rumored that I would not be able to pledge since there were no Jewish based houses on my campus at the time and no other house would take a Jewish girl. Since I had no intentions of pledging, I went into rush with a large Jewish star-- makes it easy to find an excuse to drop me.

Arrived at one of the houses for first day parties. This was about my 6th house of the day. Rusher and I took an instant dislike to each other for some unknown reason. While sitting there with "Miss Sorority, I am so fantastic", she asked me what "my daddy did for a living." I looked around the room and based on looks, stereotyped that every girl in that room was the daughter of a bank president, a doctor or a lawyer. I thought about my answer and decided that my non-bank president, doctor, lawyer dad needed to be something very special so I replied, "oh, he's the chief garbage collector for our town." Imagine her mouth falling to a non-existent basement. Then she looked at my star and said, "Ohhhhh, you're Jewish." The reply came back, "No, I'm Buddhist."

Guess which house never invited me back.

BTW, I only decided to stay in rush until the first house I went to decided to drop me. Imagine my surprise a zillion years later and I have still not been dropped by them.

DaffyKD

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DaffyKD

Back in the olden days when I went through rush I had no idea there were inappropriate questions. No one in my family had been Greek while in school and neither had my friends, so I went into rush blind. I had no intentions of pledging-- only went through rush to move out of the house a week early since my mother and I were at each others throats.

I had been told by my mother who is a believer in all things rumored that I would not be able to pledge since there were no Jewish based houses on my campus at the time and no other house would take a Jewish girl. Since I had no intentions of pledging, I went into rush with a large Jewish star-- makes it easy to find an excuse to drop me.

Arrived at one of the houses for first day parties. This was about my 6th house of the day. Rusher and I took an instant dislike to each other for some unknown reason. While sitting there with "Miss Sorority, I am so fantastic", she asked me what "my daddy did for a living." I looked around the room and based on looks, stereotyped that every girl in that room was the daughter of a bank president, a doctor or a lawyer. I thought about my answer and decided that my non-bank president, doctor, lawyer dad needed to be something very special so I replied, "oh, he's the chief garbage collector for our town." Imagine her mouth falling to a non-existent basement. Then she looked at my star and said, "Ohhhhh, you're Jewish." The reply came back, "No, I'm Buddhist."

Guess which house never invited me back.

BTW, I only decided to stay in rush until the first house I went to decided to drop me. Imagine my surprise a zillion years later and I have still not been dropped by them.

DaffyKD

That is freakin hilarious! Chief garbage collector. LOL.

[adpiucf]

I think a good way to deflect that question would be to respond with, "I love ABC and I'm thrilled to be at preference here today. I'd so much rather talk with you about YOUR sorority and your experiences. What has been your favorite sisterhood memory?" with a big smile and leaning forward to show interest.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I was talking with a PNM and the question came up as to the most appropriate and gracious way to deflect an inappropriate question, such as "What other pref. parties will you be attending?" What say you?

I was asked this question and definitely didn't answer it well. Looking back saying something like "I have/had a few (another) party later/earlier but I'm really excited to be back at ABC. I have really enjoyed my week here." Then lead into something like "I love the sisterhood y'all show" "I'm glad academics is so important to you" "Your philanthropy is so important and I love your fundraising activity"
another way to go is to say "Pref is such an important night and I'm so glad to be back here. I'm really excited to see the ceremony/I loved the ceremony. What was your favorite part of recruitment?"

Originally Posted by DaffyKD

Back in the olden days when I went through rush I had no idea there were inappropriate questions. No one in my family had been Greek while in school and neither had my friends, so I went into rush blind. I had no intentions of pledging-- only went through rush to move out of the house a week early since my mother and I were at each others throats.

I had been told by my mother who is a believer in all things rumored that I would not be able to pledge since there were no Jewish based houses on my campus at the time and no other house would take a Jewish girl. Since I had no intentions of pledging, I went into rush with a large Jewish star-- makes it easy to find an excuse to drop me.

Arrived at one of the houses for first day parties. This was about my 6th house of the day. Rusher and I took an instant dislike to each other for some unknown reason. While sitting there with "Miss Sorority, I am so fantastic", she asked me what "my daddy did for a living." I looked around the room and based on looks, stereotyped that every girl in that room was the daughter of a bank president, a doctor or a lawyer. I thought about my answer and decided that my non-bank president, doctor, lawyer dad needed to be something very special so I replied, "oh, he's the chief garbage collector for our town." Imagine her mouth falling to a non-existent basement. Then she looked at my star and said, "Ohhhhh, you're Jewish." The reply came back, "No, I'm Buddhist."

Guess which house never invited me back.

BTW, I only decided to stay in rush until the first house I went to decided to drop me. Imagine my surprise a zillion years later and I have still not been dropped by them.

DaffyKD

Sister, I love you. Glad you stuck through it.

[Titchou]

When I went thru recruitment - back in the Dark Ages - every group got a list of where each woman was going so we never had to ask. I've been at other chapters since where PH provided that information or everyone could get it if they wanted. So the idea that this isn't common information now is odd to me. But seriously, we've always instructed our members to try to find what the other house might be - but not to be so blatant as to directly ask it.

[ChioLu]

During Formal, I was asked how much my father made. (I thought that was incredibly tacky.) My response was "Enough to pay for college and sorority membership." (I did not go back to that house.)

At another chapter, a woman in my Rushee group & I were seated at a table for 4. Two members sat down to talk to us -- except they turned their backs on me and only talked to her! Then 2 more members surrounded the other Rushee (as you can tell from the term, it was a while ago) and "hot boxed" her. ("Hot Box" was a term used were several members concentrate on a PNM -- either to make her feel like she's #1 or to feel pressure to take a bid.) Didn't work out -- the other PNM became my sorority sister & it was my aunt's soroity & she was so mad at them. That didn't make me a legacy, but my aunt was the H.S. teacher of several of the members in that chapter ... many who had asked her to write their rec!)

Wasn't too upset -- I already knew where my home was. Maybe they saw that too. Bygones.

[MaryPoppins]

DaffyKD and ChiOLu, your stories are hilarious!

[DubaiSis]

I'm really of two minds about this. I think if you are very confident, go ahead and say. If you're a conversational pro, do the dance as mentioned above. And if you are neither confident nor a conversational pro, PREPARE. This is a question, in more or less oblique terms, that you are almost guaranteed to be asked.
If you get asked a truly offensive question like how much does your dad make, I'd feel free to answer it's none of their business, or any of those mentioned above. But most inappropriate questions are snuck in so you don't realize it until later. I'm sure I talked way more than I should have about my Dad the photographer. I didn't think much of it because he's a larger than life character so people have asked about him my entire life. But in retrospect I realize I was being asked what my dad does for a living a lot. Also, in retrospect, if I'd realized that, I would have made him seem more financially successful than he actually was

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Is there a good reason not to just answer the question?

When I was on the active side, I was curious, but I didn't really care. That information would not have been in any way useful to me. In fact, we knew who we most often competed with, and could usually infer what the answers would be.