Jewish wedding traditions adopted by non-Jewish couple

[Still BLUTANG]

from a Washington Post article:



Rabbi Kenneth Block stood waiting under the white canopy with Melanie’s husband-to-be, Michael Pezzula. Next to them were a decorated ketubah (a Jewish marriage contract) and a tall, white table that held a wine glass for the Kiddush, a blessing over the wine that would be recited as Melanie, 28, and Michael, 32, drank from the same cup to symbolize the sharing of their life together.

In many ways, it looked like a typical Jewish wedding ceremony. Yet neither bride nor groom is Jewish.

The inclusion of so many Jewish traditions in the ceremony uniting Melanie, raised Episcopalian, and Michael, raised Catholic, was their way of making their wedding special, they said.

A Jewish wedding was “a refreshing departure from what everybody that is close to us is used to,” Melanie said.

read the rest here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...vYN_story.html

your thoughts?

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I'm not opposed to stealing traditions if you feel they can have meaning for you. Doing it because they look pretty and will impress your friends, though...well, that's a bit tackier.

So, like, "We want a chuppah because we love the symbolism of our friends and family supporting us in our marriage" is cool. "We want a chuppah because it's a cool decoration" is not cool.

[Mevara]

As the article states

What had begun as a question about room decorations had evolved into a way to incorporate meaningful symbols into their wedding and create a more community-centric ceremony.

I think as long as you do it out of respect and good taste it is okay.

[Munchkin03]

The groom, despite being Catholic, is an AEPi. And, from reading the article, they weren't entirely ignorant of Jewish customs and the symbolism behind them. I think that makes all the difference.

It seems that everyone's looking for something to make their wedding "different" or "quirky," and is this part of this? Will Irish-Catholic couples start doing henna because it's "different and exotic," without fully understanding the meaning?

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

The groom, despite being Catholic, is an AEPi. And, from reading the article, they weren't entirely ignorant of Jewish customs and the symbolism behind them. I think that makes all the difference.

It really rubs me the wrong way that the idea came from someone else having a pretty Chuppah, and the bride not knowing what else to put in that space.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

It really rubs me the wrong way that the idea came from someone else having a pretty Chuppah, and the bride not knowing what else to put in that space.

Oh, no...I totally agree with that. It does sound like, even though that was the initial impetus, they did it fairly respectfully.

Like I said before, people these days are all about having a "different" or "quirky" wedding--and what point does that become aping someone else's culture for ishts and grins? These people did it okay...but it's a thin line.

[amIblue?]

I just think it's weird.

To me, weddings are about making a covenant with your spouse and God, and it's the appropriate time for the traditions of your family and faith, not to do something just to be different. There is significant meaning behind the traditions of other cultures, and it's not anyone's place to co-opt those willy nilly just for kicks.

Despite my grouchy opinion about sticking with what you know, I do think that other faiths and cultures have beautiful wedding traditions.

[PhoenixAzul]

I guess I just don't understand...

I mean, I don't think I'd be happy if someone had a Catholic wedding because they thought the mass was "pretty" or because they liked the church for their pictures (not that that would happen...meetings with the priest, pre cana, the fact that Catholics consider marriage as a sacrament in the vein of taking holy orders, etc).

I'd just be totally weirded out by it, like I was pretending to be something I wasn't.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

The groom, despite being Catholic, is an AEPi. And, from reading the article, they weren't entirely ignorant of Jewish customs and the symbolism behind them. I think that makes all the difference.

It seems that everyone's looking for something to make their wedding "different" or "quirky," and is this part of this? Will Irish-Catholic couples start doing henna because it's "different and exotic," without fully understanding the meaning?

I've seen brides on wedding blogs who had henna or wore saris on their wedding day because they wanted to be "quirky and different." True story.

I'm all about your wedding day being a reflection of the couple, but different for the sake of being different is really dumb.

Ex: totally not culturally specific, but the whole stupid mustache thing (google mustaches and weddings if you should be so lucky as to not know any hipsters who were really into this). Quirky for the sake of quirky. And dumb.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I guess I just don't understand...

I mean, I don't think I'd be happy if someone had a Catholic wedding because they thought the mass was "pretty" or because they liked the church for their pictures (not that that would happen...meetings with the priest, pre cana, the fact that Catholics consider marriage as a sacrament in the vein of taking holy orders, etc).

I'd just be totally weirded out by it, like I was pretending to be something I wasn't.

We don't have to worry about anyone non-Catholic wanting a Catholic wedding. The "stand up sit down" scares them away

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

We don't have to worry about anyone non-Catholic wanting a Catholic wedding. The "stand up sit down" scares them away

I think it would be just the length of the mass that is associated with it... The first time I went to a non-Catholic wedding it was done in 15 mins. I was so not prepared for that and had to turn to my mom and ask if that was it.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Have any of you been inside Old St. Pat's in Chicago? It is so pretty, I told the tour guide I wanted to get married there!

[PhoenixAzul]

Originally Posted by Mevara

I think it would be just the length of the mass that is associated with it... The first time I went to a non-Catholic wedding it was done in 15 mins. I was so not prepared for that and had to turn to my mom and ask if that was it.

Hah, shortly after my husband and I got married (full mass), we went to the wedding of a mutual friend that was 5 minutes long. That was it. Ever since we had our wedding I've been somewhat mortified that ours was so long.

But to be fair, ours was around the 40 minute mark. Cutting out the flower girl/ring bearer etc. and having short readings (and an evening mass immediately following our wedding) helped. I am a convert as well, so no one in my family is Catholic, while husband's fam is SUPER CATHOLIC. Hubs coworkers are a mish mash of Conservative Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Catholics and atheists. We definitely had little "cues" in our wedding program to help out the non-Catholics...but to be fair, I didn't expect anyone not Catholic to really follow along.

Far be it for me to criticize what someone wants for their wedding, but I don't understand the participation in a religious ceremony where you are not part of the religion. Isn't it also part of the marriage vows where you promise to raise your children in the Jewish faith, as well?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I just think it's weird.

To me, weddings are about making a covenant with your spouse and God, and it's the appropriate time for the traditions of your family and faith, not to do something just to be different. There is significant meaning behind the traditions of other cultures, and it's not anyone's place to co-opt those willy nilly just for kicks.

Despite my grouchy opinion about sticking with what you know, I do think that other faiths and cultures have beautiful wedding traditions.

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I guess I just don't understand...

I mean, I don't think I'd be happy if someone had a Catholic wedding because they thought the mass was "pretty" or because they liked the church for their pictures (not that that would happen...meetings with the priest, pre cana, the fact that Catholics consider marriage as a sacrament in the vein of taking holy orders, etc).

I'd just be totally weirded out by it, like I was pretending to be something I wasn't.

This and this. I think part of what strikes me as odd about it is that it's like wanting the nice/pretty parts of a tradition without the . . . for lack of a better word . . . obligations of the tradition.

I liked what the rabbi quoted in the story said:

But Jonathan Stein, president of the Central Conference of American Rabbis, expressed some concerns. While the practice “speaks to the acceptances of Jews and Jewish traditions in American society,” he said, it might be offensive to Jews who believe that a wedding ceremony signifies the union of two people who intend to establish a Jewish life.”

It's like, "let's appropriate all the pretty, fun parts of being Jewish [or whatever], but we don't actually want to be part of that tradition.

And I'll admit that there's part of me that finds the whole thing very narcissistic -- the wedding being all about the bride and groom rather than being about the bride and groom and their place in the wider community. Not to mention God. In that sense, I don't get the rabbi who officiated at this thing.

Meanwhile, our Protestant, no communion wedding was 40 minutes. I rather think that if we had it to do over again, we might include communion.

[ellebud]

I understand both sides: A canopy signifies things that could go across religious lines. Tasting the wine...sweetness of life...again can cut across all religions. Breaking the glass: may your wedding last as long as it takes to put together this glass.....again wonderful spirit.

But, as my non Jewish husband says about the Christmas Chanukah debate: A Christian family celebrating Chanukah as an excuse for presents: wrong. Jewish families having a Christmas tree for the decor.....not so much.

Just saying....But it is wonderful to understand and respect the traditions of others. And, who knows how religions evolve?