Dear PNMs who dropped out or who did not get a bid.

[Drolefille]

(and/or their mothers.)

Hey there, I'm very sorry about the fact that your recruitment experience didn't work out the way you wanted. The truth is, no one here will be able to tell you why it happened or what to do next. If you were dropped from recruitment entirely, you're probably feeling pretty upset right now, especially as bid day comes around. It really sucks, right? There are no magic words to making you feel better, but allow me to make a few recommendations:

• Make friends with the other women on your floor who didn't participate in recruitment.
• Go to the student activity fair and sign up for anything that sounds interesting to you.
• Spend one night home moping, but after that, cut yourself off.
• If you are still interested in joining a sorority, look into registering for COB. Don't even think about next year's recruitment right now.

Welcome to adulthood and disappointment. It also really sucks, right? While there's nothing wrong with going through recruitment next year if you want, depending on your school your odds will be significantly lower than as a freshman. And think about it this way, would you want to hang out with someone who spent a whole year moping about not getting to hang out with you? Me neither. You will still have a fun four years at college with or without letters if you let yourself. I promise.

To those who dropped out of recruitment early (and/or their mothers):
Hey there, so you didn't like the chapters who were still on your recruitment schedule, or maybe you were so disappointed that you didn't get your favorite or legacy chapter or weren't with your friends anymore that you dropped out altogether. You might get yelled at on this site for that and that might just be making you feel all the more upset. There are two ways to break this down for you:

1. If all you (or your mothers posting on this site) could think about was that a bid was the most important part then the people yelling at you are right. You did something kind of dumb by dropping and losing all your chances.

2. If you wanted a bid with the chapter that fit with you, then you can understand that dropping might have been the right thing for you. Maybe you really didn't feel like those chapters were 'right' or 'fit' no matter how much those sentiments will get snarked. That's ok, it is mutual selection after all.

Whichever path you took, you have to take a big step now. You have to let it go. Maybe you made a bad decision, maybe not, but the decision was made and now you live with the consequences. Isn't adulthood fun? There's no reset button now, and this is just preparing you for the rest of life. Like the other group of PNMs above, you too can try again, but remember, would you want to hang out with someone who spent a whole year moping about how she couldn't hang out with you? No. So get out there and enjoy college. Party, drink (but not too much), learn new things and find out you're an amazing rock climber/modern dancer/student politician.

And moms: let your daughters pick themselves up. You can't 'fix it', we can't 'fix it', only she can fix it by moving forward.

/tl;dr

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Hey there

Hey there

/tl;dr

I laughed.

[KSUViolet06]

There's only like 3 other threads recently bumped on the exact same topic.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There's only like 3 other threads recently bumped on the exact same topic.

Since there are about a dozen MY DAUGHTER DID NOT GET A BID threads, it's obviously not enough. If my post sucks it'll disappear to the ether. I didn't feel like copying and pasting it into 3 other threads so I didn't.

[DubaiSis]

I think Drolefille answered politely but firmly under an easily searchable title.

[KSUViolet06]

And the others aren't?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

And the others aren't?

Does it matter? It's great that you've been bumping threads, my post was not a slight to that, simply a laziness and a desire to deal with the special snowflake-ness in my own way.

[AXOrushadvisor]

This is a lane swerve, but this got me thinking. Are the majority of PNM's that drop out of recruitment the HS "it" girls that all think they are going to have the perfect recruitment and when they don't they can not deal with it so they quit? Are they the girls who always seem to "win" and loosing is just not in their vocab?

[KSUViolet06]

^^^At times, it is EXACTLY THAT.

Let's say a girl is Miss Hometown 2011, Hometown HS Homecoming Queen, etc. She is pretty much the jewel of her hometown and in many cases, is told from the time she starts HS (either by her mother, older friends from school who graduate and pledge sororities at Competitive U, summer camp counselors, etc. that she is "sooo in at *insert perceived Top Chapters here*" or "omg you'd fit in perfectly at Holy Grail Chapter!" This is often perpetuated by her older friends who have graduated and joined such chapters.

Then school starts, she goes through recruitment and none of those Top Chapters that people said she was a shoe-in for are on her list. She also sees that her friends all have the Top Chapters on their respective lists.

She looks at who she has left. She remembers her older friends, guys, other PNMs saying stuff like "I wouldn't be caught dead in XYZ" or "No one from Hometown EVER pledges ABC. Ew."

Cue dropout.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

This is a lane swerve, but this got me thinking. Are the majority of PNM's that drop out of recruitment the HS "it" girls that all think they are going to have the perfect recruitment and when they don't they can not deal with it so they quit? Are they the girls who always seem to "win" and loosing is just not in their vocab?

I think that this is a part of it for SOME PNMs, but not all. Either way it is a 'welcome' to adulthood.

[BluPhire]

I always love reading you all's recruitment process, because I compare it to the NPHC and though the process is different, the sense of entitlement from PNM's is still the same.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^Really? Care to elaborate?

I always thought it would be the opposite because of the way NPHC membership intake is structured (as in there's no such thing as an AKA PNM, you don't have New Members, and basically no one is considered a member of an NPHC until they are initiated.)

Nothing gives you the connotation that you're already a member or that you could potentially be one until it actually happens. So I can't see where one has the opportunity to feel say, entitled to be an AKA.

Does that make sense?

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^Really? Care to elaborate?

I always thought it would be the opposite because of the way NPHC membership intake is structured (as in there's no such thing as an AKA PNM, you don't have New Members, and basically no one is considered a member of an NPHC until they are initiated.)

Nothing gives you the connotation that you're already a member or that you could potentially be one until it actually happens. So I can't see where one has the opportunity to feel say, entitled to be an AKA.

Does that make sense?

Yes it makes sense. But you are trying to bring sense to the senseless.

True the term PNM is a term that I would not use for our process the same way you would, but the breakdown and the games are still the same regardless of the structure.

For instance though we don't have the listing, I would say because interested members have it in their heart since they were little (more so with sororities than fraternities from family members, friends, teachers, social leaders) that they are gonna be XYZ that being rejected by XYZ sorority can sometimes cause a firestorm.

When they receive the rejection letter the reactions are still the same especially if they are legacy (again more so in sororities). Just like with you all, it is not the majority but that minority is the most vocal from legacy parents calling the chapter to depression to how could they reject me.

I've seen (not literally, never been invited but the NPHC greek world is small) of girls coming to teas inappropriately, Girls that feel that because they have the grades they are shoo ins, and girls that had in their heart for so long they pretty much feel they are greek, they just need it to be official.

I've witnessed first hand where a girl was rejected from XYZ sorority and her mother being a member of XYZ sorority made it her mission to get that chapter suspended.

Real story (And an episode of As the Sands Burn).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

I've witnessed first hand where a girl was rejected from XYZ sorority and her mother being a member of XYZ sorority made it her mission to get that chapter suspended.

Real story (And an episode of As the Sands Burn).

I've seen this as well.

If anything the sense of entitlement could be worse because of the role that NPHC groups play in some communities, and the fact that there are 4 NPHC sororities to the NPC's 26.

If a young woman is a legacy to an NPC sorority, it may not impact her life growing up that much, even if her mother is somewhat active. On the other hand, the daughter of an NPHC sorority member will have a much different relationship to her mother's sorority.

[DrPhil]

long lane swerve/

Many aspirants, applicants, and (insert what each NPHC sorority and fraternity calls its pre-initiates) feel entitled to NPHC membership all of the time. They can feel entitled because they are legacies, they know people prior to coming to college, they have friends on the yard and in the chapters, they are highly accomplished, they have excellent grades, they are physically attractive, etc.

Some of these people will make it and others will get rejected. Some of those who are rejected will go on to join other NPHC orgs. That's fine especially considering how the NPHC intake format has changed over the generation(s).

Some NPHC applicants who get rejected do respectfully ask for reconsideration depending on who the decision making body is. I respect those who respectfully ask for reconsideration after getting rejected, even if they do not get reconsideration. Life happens and even those who make the decisions can have to reject people who would otherwise be accepted. I also respect those who keep trying for membership after rejection, even if they are rejected multiple times for whatever reasons. Application eligibility is for a lifetime if you meet the criteria and membership is for a lifetime and that includes all of the rites and rights, privileges, cultural practices, and responsibilities even when you're the oldest member in the crowd.

/long lane swerve