I'm thinking about dropping out of my sorority

[anonymousss]

Hi,

I just finished my first year in college and I got initiated into a sorority last semester. I've always romanticized about being in a sorority, so it's really difficult to admit that I'm thinking about dropping out.

Anyways, at one of my first exchanges, I was sexually assaulted. I kept this secret at first and I wanted to forget about it, so I just stayed away from the sorority for a while. Since I was a pledge, a lot of girls saw me as non-committed and anti-social because I kind of shut down after the exchange and I didn't talk much. So the semester just ended and I can't say I know a single girl that well.

The problem is that after the assault, a lot of people spread rumors about me and many girls in the house think I'm a slut (some girls assume my behavior at that exchange was consensual. But to be honest, I believe I was roofied since a lot of guys shut me up in a room and forced me to drink a lot of alcohol). I told the new member educator about the incident, and all she said was, "is there any advice you can give me so an incident like this doesn't occur with future pledges?"

I don't know what I was expecting, but no one in the sorority tried to look out for me or even tried to comfort me afterward. I've spent more time speaking to psychologists since that exchange than my own sisters. I feel like no one in the house likes me, and as much as I try to start over, a lot of girls will just talk over me and ignore me.

I don't really know what to do because all I really wanted was a close-knit group of friends--I wanted sisters--but I feel like I don't belong.