Newbie Question?

[Rosiegal]

Hello ladies.

I found this site and had a question/looking for advice and was wondering if you could give some input. I didn't see a thread that spoke to my situation, but if there is, I apologize! (I did try to search around a little bit). Also, I know that sometimes "newbies", like myself come off pretentious, bratty, and defensive, so if what I am asking is inappropriate or rude, please let me know. I don't want to be one of those naive girls who doesn't know her place.

On to the story...

I recently went through recruitment (I'm a freshman) and received a bid to a sorority I was VERY excited about and I absolutely loved pledging. However, about halfway through pledging, we lost our charter. This was very saddening and difficult and I won't go into what happened, but 99% of the chapter was not involved in the incident. Anyway, my pledge sisters and I were offered bids to another sorority on campus. I think they were allowed to do this because they were under total? I'm sorry I don't know all the Greek terms yet, but I think that is what allowed them to give bids to girls outside of formal recruitment.

The campus I am on is not so competitive. The "top" chapters are very competitive, but if girls give every group a chance, I think it is relatively easy to get a bid. Sophomores are at a slight disadvantage, but it's not comparable to what I've read about at places like Alabama, where sophomores can go fly a kite

Wow, sorry this is turning into a novel. ANYWAY, I'm trying to weigh my options. I could accept a bid to this other sorority and pledge there, go through formal again as a sophomore, or abstain from Greek Life. I really would love to join a sorority (obviously haha), but I'm torn about this other group and my chances as a sophomore. I KNOW KNOW KNOW you cannot give me my chances (haha read all the other posts asking this), I guess I was just more so wondering your initial thoughts on the situation. As sorority women, would you view sophomores who pledged but lost their charter differently than regular sophomores or would it not matter? Should I try out this other group to see if I fit? They were not one of my favorite pics in formal, but formal is such a blur, who knows? Do you think it matters what my pledge sisters decide to do?

Any input would be appreciated and I hope I haven't caused any drama in this post.

-Rosiegal

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Rosiegal

Hello ladies.

I found this site and had a question/looking for advice and was wondering if you could give some input. I didn't see a thread that spoke to my situation, but if there is, I apologize! (I did try to search around a little bit). Also, I know that sometimes "newbies", like myself come off pretentious, bratty, and defensive, so if what I am asking is inappropriate or rude, please let me know. I don't want to be one of those naive girls who doesn't know her place.

On to the story...

I recently went through recruitment (I'm a freshman) and received a bid to a sorority I was VERY excited about and I absolutely loved pledging. However, about halfway through pledging, we lost our charter. This was very saddening and difficult and I won't go into what happened, but 99% of the chapter was not involved in the incident. Anyway, my pledge sisters and I were offered bids to another sorority on campus. I think they were allowed to do this because they were under total? I'm sorry I don't know all the Greek terms yet, but I think that is what allowed them to give bids to girls outside of formal recruitment.

The campus I am on is not so competitive. The "top" chapters are very competitive, but if girls give every group a chance, I think it is relatively easy to get a bid. Sophomores are at a slight disadvantage, but it's not comparable to what I've read about at places like Alabama, where sophomores can go fly a kite

Wow, sorry this is turning into a novel. ANYWAY, I'm trying to weigh my options. I could accept a bid to this other sorority and pledge there, go through formal again as a sophomore, or abstain from Greek Life. I really would love to join a sorority (obviously haha), but I'm torn about this other group and my chances as a sophomore. I KNOW KNOW KNOW you cannot give me my chances (haha read all the other posts asking this), I guess I was just more so wondering your initial thoughts on the situation. As sorority women, would you view sophomores who pledged but lost their charter differently than regular sophomores or would it not matter? Should I try out this other group to see if I fit? They were not one of my favorite pics in formal, but formal is such a blur, who knows? Do you think it matters what my pledge sisters decide to do?

Any input would be appreciated and I hope I haven't caused any drama in this post.

-Rosiegal

Let me see if I understand you correctly:

You were a NON-initiated member of a chapter that lost its charter (meaning you were a NM/pledge).

Once the chapter closed, you were offered bids to another chapter on campus.

You want to know if you should accept or decline and go through formal recruitment this fall.

[33girl]

I will say - whatever you decide to do, please be straight up with the sisters from the closed chapter and let them know your plans. No, this is not required but it is a courteous thing to do. These women are hurting a lot and the last thing they need to hear from a 3rd hand source is "hey, Rosiegal joined ABC's rival! Ha ha ha on ABC!" If you are straightforward and honest, I don't think your former sisters will be upset or mad at you.

If the chapter that offered you a bid is one that you would like to pledge, go ahead and do so.

If you're worried about being "damaged goods" - this really isn't something that anyone on here can tell you absolutely yes or absolutely no on. It also depends on whether you and your pledge sisters are trying to stick together as a "package deal." I know this might seem the easiest, but the fact is you probably didn't all put down the same sororities on your bid cards and girls shouldn't feel like they have to go somewhere they don't feel comfy with out of a sense of loyalty.

Hope this helped a little bit.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I know this might seem the easiest, but the fact is you probably didn't all put down the same sororities on your bid cards and girls shouldn't feel like they have to go somewhere they don't feel comfy with out of a sense of loyalty.

This.

Don't be so stuck on being a "package deal" with the other girls that you accept without even thinking about it.

Ask yourself: "Would I be happy in this chapter even if my NM/pledge classmates didn't join with me?"

You never know what could happen. Girls could decide they don't like it as much as they did your former chapter (that closed), they may decide Greek Life is not for them, they could join and quit.

If you choose to accept this chapter's bid, make sure it's a decision you're making because you like the chapter and can see YOURSELF as a member, not just because they offered you all bids and you want to stay together.

[Rosiegal]

Hello KSUViolet06. Your first post is correct, and yes I am currently thinking about whether to pledge "ABC" or wait until recruitment next year. I'm fairly sure I still want to be involved in Greek Life, it's just hard to not feel a little, I don't know, bitter, about the situation? I still would like to give recruitment a try though.

33Girl-I think you're right. I think it's important to make my sisters aware of my future Greek endeavors. I didn't originally think of that, so thanks.

I think I might wait until formal recruitment so I can get to see all the sororities again, including the one that just offered us bids. I also see your point about not being a package deal. I didn't even think of the fact that we all might have gone to preference day at different sororities. Is there a tactful way to let the sororities know that they can take a chance on me, even without my pledge sisters (if they choose to rush), or is the fact that I'm going through recruitment enough? I need to make sure that I feel comfortable and at home with a sorority, regardless of what the other girls do, because it's MY life. Good points!

[KSUViolet06]

Honestly, I think that if you end up going through formal recruitment, the chapters won't (or at least they shouldn't) consider you all a "package deal" unless you lead them to believe that.

Example: If you go into every chapter during recruitment going on and on about having pledged this other chapter and how you want to stay with your former pledge/NM class, they are going to think "this girl isn't going to join us if we don't bid her friends."

I just wouldn't make it a huge deal. Depending on the size of your Greek community, everybody may already know that you all pledged that chapter. If someone asks I certainly wouldn't lie and say you didn't, but don't make it seem like you're trying to hang on to that by pledging the same chapter as your friends.

[Barbie's_Rush]

The other chapter offered every single one of the women in your pledge class a bid, sight unseen? If you were all recruited during formal and your class was an average sized one for your school, this would really make me think twice about the proposition. Sorry to be negative Nancy, but if a chapter can take that many new members so soon after formal and are not the least bit concerned about WHO they are beyond "now closed XYZ bid them so they must be ok" then I have real doubts about their viability.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

The other chapter offered every single one of the women in your pledge class a bid, sight unseen? If you were all recruited during formal and your class was an average sized one for your school, this would really make me think twice about the proposition. Sorry to be negative Nancy, but if a chapter can take that many new members so soon after formal and are not the least bit concerned about WHO they are beyond "now closed XYZ bid them so they must be ok" then I have real doubts about their viability.

Then there's the school of thought that says this group of girls could stick together and turn things around for that chapter. It all would depend on how tightly they bonded as a pledge class in the time they had. But even if that bond was there, there would probably be a division of the "ABC's pledge class girls" and the "Old XYZ girls." I mean...if they felt that into this sorority to begin with...they would have just pledged it when they went thru rush the first time.

[Rosiegal]

Hey, Barbie's Rush! I am fairly sure that each girl was given a bid. And 33girl, I'm afraid your right that there might be a division, because I think my new member class was bigger than their chapter . Either way, I think if I go through recruitment (which i have almost decided for sure I will do) I will still be able to give this group a chance too! I think it's just a little more settling to know that I will get to make a decision based on all the sororities again, like I did the first time.

Is there anything else I should take into account or am forgetting to think about? I didn't have recs the first time around, do you think I should go ahead and try to get them this time? Even for the group that offered us bids, if I got a rec to that group, it might be a good way to show I am interested in seeing what they are about, after the faux pas of turning down the bid (I have not done this yet, but if I go through recruitment I will have to). I've done a bit of reading on this board, and it does seem to me that the most "tried and true" advice is keeping an open mind, so I just want to make sure that I consider everything to make the best decision possible. Wish me luck!

Edited to add: Also, do you think the other sororities are going to question my loyalty to a group because I am "jumping ship" so quickly? I hope not, because I don't feel as if I had a choice, and plenty of girls depledge (for whatever reason) and go through recruitment again, right?

[steelerbear]

Originally Posted by Rosiegal

I recently went through recruitment (I'm a freshman) and received a bid to a sorority I was VERY excited about and I absolutely loved pledging. However, about halfway through pledging, we lost our charter. ... Anyway, my pledge sisters and I were offered bids to another sorority on campus. I think they were allowed to do this because they were under total? I'm sorry I don't know all the Greek terms yet, but I think that is what allowed them to give bids to girls outside of formal recruitment.

... I'm trying to weigh my options. I could accept a bid to this other sorority and pledge there, go through formal again as a sophomore, or abstain from Greek Life. I really would love to join a sorority (obviously haha), but I'm torn about this other group and my chances as a sophomore. . . . Should I try out this other group to see if I fit? They were not one of my favorite pics in formal, but formal is such a blur, who knows? Do you think it matters what my pledge sisters decide to do?

Hi Rosiegal, and welcome.

Were I in your shoes (and they're some shoes I think might hurt a bit), I would do a few things...

1) Still consider Greek Life. You were interested in it during Recruitment, and you still have at least some interest, so I would not rule it out.
2) Don't force yourself to stick with your pledge class. Just because you and your pledge class joined the same sorority doesn't mean you all joined it for the same reasons. Like a few other people have said, without that sorority on campus, you probably would have wound up accepting bids from different chapters. Whether you wind up joining the same sorority in the future or not, you can ALWAYS be friends--but you personally have to feel at home with your sisters.
3) Don't accept this bid (again, this is just some random online person's advice). You said that they were not one of your favorite picks in Formal Recruitment--so why would you rush into a lifelong bond with a group of women you weren't so fond of just a few months (weeks?) ago?
4) Go through Informal Recruitment if possible, also known as COB (Continuous Open Bidding). Usually, the individual sororities invite PNMs (Potential New Members) to a very casual party or get-together to get to know them, and bids may be given out at or after the parties. The downside with COB is that we can't tell you how many sororities will be allowed to participate in it; that's determined by campus total and how many members are in each specific chapter.
5) Talk to your Greek Adviser. If you're interested in COB but don't want to wait to hear from all the chapters on campus, you might head on over to your school's Greek Life office and speak to an adviser there. They can tell you which chapters are allowed to COB, and they might even be able to pass your name along to the chapters as a PNM.
6) Go through Formal Recruitment again next year if you don't do COB this year. Perhaps the format of COB just isn't your style, or perhaps only two chapters are allowed to participate, but you want to meet girls from all the other chapters on campus. Who knows, maybe you'll even go through COB next year. Whatever the reason, if you're a good fit for one of the chapters either through COB or through Formal Recruitment, you'll find each other.

Of course, it's all up to you. You're in a difficult situation, and I don't envy you in the least. But to summarize my suggestions, you really need to find a place where you, yourself, feel comfortable and happy. Whatever it takes to make that happen... do it. I wish you luck.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Rosiegal

Edited to add: Also, do you think the other sororities are going to question my loyalty to a group because I am "jumping ship" so quickly? I hope not, because I don't feel as if I had a choice, and plenty of girls depledge (for whatever reason) and go through recruitment again, right?

Absolutely not. You're not jumping ship, you got pushed off the ship before it sank. Like I said - as long as you're honest with your former sisters about your intentions, I don't think anyone on campus is going to think that you're being disloyal in any way. If anything, other Greeks will understand more how much it would suck being Greek one minute and then not being Greek the next and wanting to still be actively involved.

[MaggieXi]

I have a question for the seasoned Recruitment GCers....

So the PNM joins a chapter, becomes a new member, and the chapter closes and then another sorority offers her a bid to join, and she declines, does she still have to wait one calendar year to go through formal recruitment?

(Like if the chapter just offered her a bid in May, she declines, does that keep her going through recruitment in the fall?)

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

I have a question for the seasoned Recruitment GCers....

So the PNM joins a chapter, becomes a new member, and the chapter closes and then another sorority offers her a bid to join, and she declines, does she still have to wait one calendar year to go through formal recruitment?

(Like if the chapter just offered her a bid in May, she declines, does that keep her going through recruitment in the fall?)

I believe you're only bound if you signed the bid card, typically only during formal recruitment.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong?

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I believe you're only bound if you signed the bid card, typically only during formal recruitment.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong?

you are correct .. per the green book (for the first part)

8. Women who have been pledged but not yet initiated into a chapter whose
charter has been rescinded or relinquished or of a colony that has been
dissolved shall be eligible to pledge another NPC fraternity immediately
following the official release by the NPC fraternity.

and then (part 2) since she declined a COB bid she's not bound to anyone and may pledge another group at any time. She's not bound to the second group, unless she actually accepts the bid.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

The other chapter offered every single one of the women in your pledge class a bid, sight unseen? If you were all recruited during formal and your class was an average sized one for your school, this would really make me think twice about the proposition. Sorry to be negative Nancy, but if a chapter can take that many new members so soon after formal and are not the least bit concerned about WHO they are beyond "now closed XYZ bid them so they must be ok" then I have real doubts about their viability.

I was a spectator at a meeting with some higher-ups of the NPC, and this is actually a concept that many GLOs would embrace for smaller chapters. You get a get a group of women who are already bonded, interested in sorority ideals, and can raise the level of desirability for the smaller chapter. The downside is that they will probably overrun the chapter, and the chapter (if it's a weak smaller chapter) won't be able teach the newbies how to effectively run a recruitment and/or chapter.

I tend to agree with what steelerbear said. Good groundwork!