Does anyone else have regrets joining?

AnotherKD · #1 09-01-2009, 09:13 AM

This may have been asked already, but I am curious...

Is there anyone else out there that has regrets about joining their chapter? I joined a chapter and stuck with it throughout college, but I never felt like it was really the house for me. I always thought that I made the wrong choice during pref and should have been in a different house. Yes, they may not have chosen me (I guess I'll never know), but I always wonder "what if". After graduating and up until now (twelve years on), there is only one person from the house I would consider a true friend. Once I got a big, she decided to drop me and it was hard to find another that would allow me into her "family". I tried to stay involved through being a chapter officer for three of the years and it still just did not feel like home. I am glad I'm part of the greek system as a whole, but I still have regrets that I chose that specific chapter almost thirteen years later. Anyone else feel this way?

KSigkid · #2 09-01-2009, 09:51 AM

I don't at all - it was the perfect chapter and group of guys in a number of ways.

But, if you do a search through the Greek Life and Recruitment threads, I think there are a few started by people who regretted their chapter/org choice.

AnchorAlumna · #3 09-01-2009, 10:08 AM

Sometimes.

I joined before the whole "family" thing. My daughter's big disappeared after her first semester so she missed that, and never got included in another family. That's why I think it's a mistake to promote the family thing. It interferes with group cohesiveness.

I have made some good friendships in alumnae groups. You're never going to be as close as you might have been living in the same chapter house or going through things together at that time of life. On the other hand, these buddies and I together have seen marriages dissolve, children grow up, new romance bloom, parents and spouses pass on.

baci · #4 09-01-2009, 10:46 AM

I have several friends that truly have felt and still feel as you do. I know that these feelings were worse back in college years. One I roomed with for a year and she talked about it constantly. She wished she was in my org. and I always wondered why she remained in hers. IMO, her situation was not because she was not part of a great org. on campus, but more what "she" wanted and did not receive.

No matter what people say over and over there are people who do not end up where they belong. The other friends I knew were cases where they were not a good fit. It was obvious, but they took their pledge and worked hard over the years to try and make it work for them.

I do know that the alum experience is better for the two that have gone that route. It is more about being a friend and knowing you will have friends that you can count on to support you in both your amazing times and your hardships throughout your life wherever you may live. (wow, I rambled on here)

Munchkin03 · #5 09-01-2009, 10:50 AM

Honestly? I did.

Granted, I didn't do as much as I could have that first semester to gel with everyone; on the other hand, they chose not to support some of the choices I made, like to become an RA (preventing me from living in the house that first year, a decision that had been made before Rush). In some ways, it's a two-way street. When I look back on college it's the memories I made with my friends, not the ones with my sisters, that stick out the most. I have no hard feelings and am in touch with most of them.

Ten years later, however, it's a different story. When I graduated and moved to NYC, I joined the alumnae chapter and have made some of my best friends here. Through them, I have become involved in some of the charity events that are closest to my heart. They are much closer to me than my chapter sisters are.

AnotherKD · #6 09-01-2009, 10:57 AM

Your responses are making me feel better. I haven't been on GC very long and have read a lot of recruitment threads (especially around now), and so many people seem to have the idea that you end up where you are meant to. It just seemed like I was the only one that it didn't apply to. And it's not because I didn't try or was unreasonable. I tried with all of my heart and while I became a person that was known throughout the whole Greek system as outgoing, a hard worker, and a very visible member, I just always felt more connected to the whole system in general rather than my house.

So, in short, thank you for your kind and honest remarks, and not insulting me in some way. I do appreciate it!!

ComradesTrue · #7 09-01-2009, 11:46 AM

I know several people with regrets. Two of them joined their biological sister's chapters and just were miserable. (in each case it was a "sitting sister" in the house). One of the girls preffed my group and all through college she hung out with mostly people in my pledge class. She was very hard on herself about her decision but we reminded her that we don't have to be sisters to be friends. Now as an adult she is happy in an alumnae chapter and has that bond with her bio sister. However, the four years of college were not what she had hoped.

The other friend joined who joined her sister's chapter wasn't as, um, "pretty" as the others in the chapter, according to them.

They left her out of activites, never let her see the floor during rush, and were known to publically be critical of her. It was awful, awful, awful.

Finally a third friend had been 100% convinced that she would be an XYZ. Her brother's long term girlfriend was in the chapter and she had even spent the night at the house during her senior year. She did pref the chapter (preffed by the girlfriend) but got her second choice instead. While she remained active all four years, she never really gave it a chance. She came to meetings, went to occaisional parties, but even to this day feels that XYZ is better than the chapter that she joined. She does nothing with alum groups and doesn't even talk to anyone from college (I tracked her down 2 years ago, but she was still so negative that I just didn't even bother maintaining contact).

All that to say... I am sure that there are plenty with your feelings, and there is nothing really wrong with having those. However, attitude can make all the difference. The first and third friends mentioned here could have had a tremendous college sorority experience, but they allowed feelings of bitterness, "what could have beens," etc to get in the way.

AOII_LB93 · #8 09-01-2009, 12:18 PM

Yes and no.

To be honest if I had really been more observant during rush I probably wouldn't have joined my chapter. I didn't really see that they were so much smaller than the rest of the chapters on campus thus creating the problems of a small chapter where the rest are larger. It was my second choice, but really that was probably because I was a dumb 17 year old. When I was choosing the chapters I wanted to pref from three that I really liked I flipped a coin; it was either Tri-Delta, Delta Gamma or AOII and I preffed Tri-Delta and AOII. I'm sure I would have fit in very well at DG and a ton of girls from DG came up to me after rush and were really disappointed that I had dropped them. One (the recruitment chair at the time when I rushed) came up to me at Spring Break that year and said that she wanted me to be her little sis and she was bummed that I had released them.

It would have been nice to have been in a bigger chapter that had better social events from the start. However saying that I also would not have had the opportunity to take a leadership position as quickly as I did in my chapter, thus putting in motion the change that took place over the few years I was a collegiate. I went from Jr. Panhel delegate, to Social Chair, to NM Educator, dabbled in day chairing for Rush, then VPMR. In those years, we really turned the chapter around, doubling in size and finally being competitive on campus as we really changed our image and the campus' image of us.

I was a collegiate for a few short years, but being an alumna has really made me see what AOII truly is to me and I wouldn't trade it. It's helped shaped me into who I am today.

Fleur de Lis · #9 09-01-2009, 12:49 PM

I definitely feel more connected to Kappa as a sorority than I did at my specific chapter. I've now met women from all over the country who have become dear friends, but I only speak to a few of my chapter sisters, and then only on facebook. Even as alumnae, some people feel more comfortable as an advisor vs. alumnae association participant. If you don't feel connected with your local alumnae association, you could try to get involved with the local panhellenic. They have events and meetings, as well.

KSUViolet06 · #10 09-01-2009, 02:37 PM

I do not.

I was a COB girl, so I only rushed one sorority, and it was the best fit for me. This doesn't mean that it was rainbows and sunshine every single day of my collegiate experience, or that I was BFFs with every one of my sisters, but it's nothing I regret.

This does not mean that I don't know some people who had those same feelings as you did, and to be honest, those are the women who blossomed in alumnae life (so to speak) because like so many others, they met a different group of sisters that they fit better with.

ThetaDancer · #11 09-01-2009, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This may have been asked already, but I am curious...

Is there anyone else out there that has regrets about joining their chapter? I joined a chapter and stuck with it throughout college, but I never felt like it was really the house for me. I always thought that I made the wrong choice during pref and should have been in a different house. Yes, they may not have chosen me (I guess I'll never know), but I always wonder "what if". After graduating and up until now (twelve years on), there is only one person from the house I would consider a true friend. Once I got a big, she decided to drop me and it was hard to find another that would allow me into her "family". I tried to stay involved through being a chapter officer for three of the years and it still just did not feel like home. I am glad I'm part of the greek system as a whole, but I still have regrets that I chose that specific chapter almost thirteen years later. Anyone else feel this way?

I never had regrets or experienced what you're experiencing, but I'm wondering if you have gotten involved in an alum group (if there is one in your area). Alumnae chapters can offer quite different experiences than collegiate chapters so if you're not already involved,you may want to look into that. You'll have the opportunity to meet women from all different colleges, of various ages and with diverse life experiences. Just a thought!

FSUZeta · #12 09-01-2009, 04:33 PM

i feel closer to my alumnae sisters than i ever did to my chapter sisters. i would keep up with my alum. friends no matter when i lived.

i would urge you to seek out an alumnae chapter near you, and give your sorority another try.

kddani · #13 09-01-2009, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

wondering if you have gotten involved in an alum group (if there is one in your area).

I believe there is a very active DC area KD alumnae association!

#14 09-01-2009, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

I believe there is a very active DC area KD alumnae association!

KDAngel's a member of that group, isn't she?

honeychile · #15 09-02-2009, 10:49 PM

I think that anyone who hasn't wondered "what if..." is probably lying - either consciously or subconsciously. I may seem to be the #1 ADPi cheerleader around here, but by the last term of my senior year, I used the back door almost exclusively.

Yet, once you become an alumna, it's a different story completely. You hear how other chapters work, what they did, and their fun times. You relearn the value of sisterhood, and, when you move to a different town, you can be assured that you don't have to be alone.

FWIW, I've seen regrets or wondering about the If a lot much more often with women who didn't pledge their legacy chapter. When her mother or grandmother talks about her Alumnae Association meetings all excited, and yours was basically Boot Camp, well, it's rough.

Hang in there - the AA experience is worth any nonsense that your chapter may dole out.