pulling a girl from recruitment...from another chapter.

betababy08 · #1 03-16-2009, 07:39 PM

i know a girl at a school with my chapter, and i know her well. we live together now (freshmen) and i am transferring next year for money reasons (i will stay active at my new school) and in the beginning we were great friends. however i made the mistake of introducing her to a few of my sisters who she is now pretty good friends with. she is also living with one of them next year. in reality she only knows a very small fraction of the chapter, but i know it's enough to get her a bid when she goes through recruitment next year. but she's not at all fit to be in my sorority. she doesn't stand for any of our values, she's abrasive and offensive and she's a bully--she always has to be right. the girls i'm closer with from that chapter at my old school know that we've had problems, but i'm not expecting them to pull her during recruitment. is there any way i can prevent her from getting a bid when she rushes? i know this probably sounds catty and stupid, but i am truly trying to look out for my chapters best interest. and in all honesty, i dont think she would be offered a bid if she did not know those few girls so well. should i just forget about it and let things fall into place or try to do something about it? and what course of action should i take if i should do something?

KSUViolet06 · #2 03-16-2009, 07:54 PM

If this girls is someone whom you truly believe is going to be a detriment to the chapter, then you can certainly speak to them about it.

I have also heard of alumnae sending "No Recs"(the opposite for a rec) for PNMs when they are certain that they would not recommend a woman for membership. These typically require you to BE SPECIFIC about why a woman should not be considered.

For example, it has to be more than "she's a bitch." It has to be something concrete like "She lived with me and stole my clothes on several occasions and slept with my boyfriend."

Personally, I would just let her go through and let the chapter make it's own decisions. Since you're transferring, I feel like it's only right for you to just let the chips fall where they may. You're an alumna and part of becoming one, is learning that you need to let your collegiate chapter make it's own decisions about stuff like this, regardless of your opinions. If you speak to your chapter about her, understand that they ultimately will be the ones to make the decision.

FSUZeta · #3 03-16-2009, 08:36 PM

if you feel that strongly that this pnm would negatively effect your chapter, then by all means let them know.

if your sorority allows collegians to write recommendations, you can write a "no rec." for this girl. if the chapter needs to know why, usually one of the alumna, will contact the rec. writer-the actual reasons may or may not be shared with the chapter.

if your sorority does not allow collegians to write recs., speak to one of your chapter advisors-preferably the recruitment/membership advisor or the general advisor. ask them to write the "no rec.".

texas*princess · #4 03-16-2009, 08:37 PM

Agreed w/ KSU.

Since you won't physically be there during MS, either talk to your sisters, or write a no rec for her. You will have to be very specific.

Other than that, you can't do much to prevent her from being selected.

AOII Angel · #5 03-17-2009, 07:08 AM

Another thought is...one sister rarely gets to decide for the whole group (speaking generally, of course) so just because you don't see her as a good fit for the chapter doesn't mean that other sisters agree with you. You should tell the people that you are friends with very specific instances of why you don't see her as a member of your group. Let them decide if they want to bring it up. If she gets in, she gets in.

Little32 · #6 03-17-2009, 07:48 AM

If she knows several other sisters very well, wouldn't they have had an opportunity to observe the "personality problems" you have described? Wouldn't that be enough to put questions in their minds about her suitability for the chapter? (Keep in mind, it just might be that your personalities clash, and she may actually get along very well with the other sisters, in which case too bad.)

I agree with KSU and others, the chapter will ultimately make its own decision. If the girl is as bad as you say, then her reputation is going to precede her, and you won't have to say a word.

KSUViolet06 · #7 03-17-2009, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little32

I agree with KSU and others, the chapter will ultimately make its own decision. If the girl is as bad as you say, then her reputation is going to precede her, and you won't have to say a word.

Exactly.

If she is as horrible as you say she is, then trust them to see that (and they in most cases will). If they don't, then you have to respect that.

alphasamm2007 · #8 04-28-2009, 03:04 PM

Agreed
Just because you see her as that doesnt mean your sisters will and you shuldnt ruin her chances
We had this problem this past rush with MS thinking one girl was rude just because one girl is overly sensitive and we dropped her.
I knew the girl that was dropped and she was lovely but can be sarcastic sometimes.
She should have been given one more night to prove herself
You never know what could happen to your friend over the summer her ways could change and she could prove to be a very important asset to your chapter in later years