My Sorority Pledge? I Swore Off Sisterhood

Rudey · #1 12-02-2007, 02:06 PM

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/fashion/02love.html

She had been my sorority sister, and not just any sorority sister, but one who had played a leading role in the unraveling of my young life. During rush week, she had interrogated me about my parents’ home and father’s profession, inexplicably wincing when I said “dentist.” She also was among the girls I found in my room one afternoon, rubbing my pearl necklace against her teeth to determine its (and presumably my) authenticity.

Great article...I love it.

-Rudey
--HAHA

nittanyalum · #2 12-02-2007, 02:19 PM

greeaaaattttttttt...

samjones · #3 12-02-2007, 02:47 PM

interesting article. what college is this?

Wolfman · #4 12-02-2007, 03:13 PM

There is a "dark side" to sorority (and fraternity!) life; no amount of protestations and denials will moot it. It may not be the predominant experience of most but we all know of these things, just as I hear women speak of the negative female relational dynamics all the time which the author describes from her own experience. I hope this article and this phenomenom will get a real hearing rather than it (and the author) being attacked or marginalized.

AlphaFrog · #5 12-02-2007, 03:18 PM

I wonder if there's more to the story that she hasn't told us (I'm sure there is). Getting drunk at a fraternity party and passing out would certainly earn you a visit in front of the Standards board, back then as well as today. She said that the final straw was her picking the wrong music/routine for Greek Week....I'm guessing it wasn't just that. It doesn't say what sorority she was in (as well it shouldn't), but in most groups, it takes a lot to terminate someone.

Benzgirl · #6 12-02-2007, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Getting drunk at a fraternity party and passing out would certainly earn you a visit in front of the Standards board, back then as well as today.

Nope. I was standards chairman and I would not have been able to do this 25 years ago.

PM_Mama00 · #7 12-02-2007, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I wonder if there's more to the story that she hasn't told us (I'm sure there is). Getting drunk at a fraternity party and passing out would certainly earn you a visit in front of the Standards board, back then as well as today. She said that the final straw was her picking the wrong music/routine for Greek Week....I'm guessing it wasn't just that. It doesn't say what sorority she was in (as well it shouldn't), but in most groups, it takes a lot to terminate someone.

There could be another side of the story, but remember that girls are catty as hell.

Bottom line... if people want you out, they'll find a way.

SWTXBelle · #8 12-02-2007, 07:54 PM

For what it is worth, 20 years ago when I was an advisor -having sex in a public place with a fraternity boy would be a reason to see standards. I've posted elsewhere about the member who chose to have sex on a fraternity pool table and in a phone booth - she chose to resign rather than deal with standards. I don't buy into the whole "Oh,in the 80s and 90s everyone was doing drugs and having sex" arguement. I think the response of the chapter might well depend on the campus and the particulars.
I feel for the writer of this piece for the same reasons everyone has noted - she has issues to this day, and is obviously in pain. I'm sorry her sisters failed her so.

Leslie Anne · #9 12-02-2007, 02:52 PM

I don't think it's a great article, but that's not because of its negative portrayal of a sorority. What I find sad is that this woman who was badly mistreated still cannot find the strength to stick up for herself after 20 years despite becoming an attorney, a wife and mother.

I'm not blaming her for her mistreatment though. Women (and girls of all ages) can be catty. The sorority setting only intensifies that fact. At 18-years-old, many young women aren't able to fight back. Feeling the same "dirtiness" 20 years later though only speaks to this woman's lack of self-esteem. It's unfortunate.

What should she teach her daughters? That they should be proud of who they are; that they shouldn't allow petty people to affect their self-image; and, when wronged, they should have the strength of their convictions and stand up for themselves.

cuteASAbug · #10 12-02-2007, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

I don't think it's a great article, but that's not because of its negative portrayal of a sorority. What I find sad is that this woman who was badly mistreated still cannot find the strength to stick up for herself after 20 years despite becoming an attorney, a wife and mother.

I'm not blaming her for her mistreatment though. Women (and girls of all ages) can be catty. The sorority setting only intensifies that fact. At 18-years-old, many young women aren't able to fight back. Feeling the same "dirtiness" 20 years later though only speaks to this woman's lack of self-esteem. It's unfortunate.

What should she teach her daughters? That they should be proud of who they are; that they shouldn't allow petty people to affect their self-image; and, when wronged, they should have the strength of their convictions and stand up for themselves.

That was basically my exact thought in a nutshell. We all know that 20+ years ago the Greek system wasn't exactly moral and pure so the sorority portrayal really doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that this woman appearsto have no backbone whatsoever, which, as a lawyer, you don't really want to be admitting to any potential clients in a national publication.

Rudey · #11 12-02-2007, 02:59 PM

You're blaming the victim and whether she is 18 or 38, has nothing to do with it.

-Rudey

Leslie Anne · #12 12-02-2007, 03:07 PM

Rudey,

I do not (and never would) blame a rape victim!

What I feel is sad is letting a petty woman make her feel bad for something that wasn't her fault 20 years after it happened.

Little32 · #13 12-02-2007, 03:05 PM

I think that you all are being really hard on her. Her sorority experience was a trauma that she admits that she never really dealt with; in not dealing with that trauma, when she encounters those people again, she experiences the same sense of helplessness and defeat.

Just because means that she has never really figured out how to deal with these particular women because of the cattiness and viciousness, not to mention the rape, that she experience at a very young age, does not mean that she was not able to function normally and well in other arenas of her life. I am sorry, but if law school is anything like graduate school, you just don't get through it if you lack self-esteem.

It seems odd to blame the victim.

Other than that, not a great article; a sad commentary.

carnation · #14 12-02-2007, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

That was basically my exact thought in a nutshell. We all know that 20+ years ago the Greek system wasn't exactly moral and pure so the sorority portrayal really doesn't bother me.

We do?

No, we don't. I wouldn't say the system now is any different from the way it was 10, 20, 30 years ago. In the way we recruit, yes, but in other ways, not at all.

I know. I was there.

GeekyPenguin · #15 12-02-2007, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

We do?

No, we don't. I wouldn't say the system now is any different from the way it was 10, 20, 30 years ago. In the way we recruit, yes, but in other ways, not at all.

I know. I was there.

I'm sure my friends mother who was kicked out of Chi Omega for having the audacity to be black in the 1970s would feel differently. I'm sure the Catholic and Jewish women who were turned away from houses would feel differently too.

I'd know. I'm the daughter of one of them. She was there. I'm the friend of one of them. She was there too.