what do i have to give back?

[Katylovesit]

I have decided I do not want to be intiated and have told my GM about this and she said she will talk to me later this week. I heard that you have to give some of your stuff back which is reasonable but I do want something to remember my sorority experience and i have paid alot in new member fees... what can i expect to give back? i know its different in every campus but i just wanted some opinions

what i have recieve is greek letters from big, dropped necklace (i'm pretty sure i have to give this back), tote bag, photo album, notepads, jacket, flip flops, stitch shirt, family stitch, another shirt i got on big/lil reveal day, bid day shirt, clues from big (some letters with symbol), a cup, picture frame, and other little things....

thank you in advance! oh and in case you were wondering i decided i did not want to be intiated due to some family disagreement about the use of my college money

[AOE2AlphaPhi]

You should elaborate on the clues from your big, but I would imagine that they would probably be something good to keep. I don't know how your school is, but I know a few girls at my school who depledged and stayed good friends with their bigs, so just make sure she knows it it's financial, not personal and that you really enjoyed your time with the chapter. It would be sad to lose potential friends just because of some money!

[joliebelle]

I think it varies from org to org, but the rule usually is that you have to give back anything that has letters, written words and/or the crest or coat of arms on it.

[PM_Mama00]

I don't know if we have an official rule, but I wish we did. If you don't, keep the picture frame or something. Give back any and everything you would wear that has any affiliation. I see de-pledged and de-activated sisters all the time wearing our stuff and it's really disappointing.

[KSUViolet06]

I'm going to be the harsh one here, but I'm a very "rules oriented" person. My chapter always got back EVERY SINGLE Sigma thing from girls who dropped just because that's what the rule was:

I understand that you paid alot for those items and it's unfortunate that you won't be initiated. The sorority letters and name are technically the property of the sorority, which members can wear/display on items like cups and frames. When you cease to be a member, you no longer can wear/own them. It's only right to return anything that has the sorority name or letters. You ESPECIALLY need to return any bags, shirts, or items of clothing because you cannot wear letters if you're not a member.

However, if you received gifts and things from your big that DON'T have the sorority letters or name on it, you can keep those things.

[1908Revelations]

^^^^^That's what I thought!

If you are not a member why would you need/want things that represent something that you are not apart of? I am not trying to be mean, but why do you want it. Maybe you can take a few group pictures or something for memories.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Katylovesit

I have decided I do not want to be intiated and have told my GM about this and she said she will talk to me later this week. I heard that you have to give some of your stuff back which is reasonable but I do want something to remember my sorority experience and i have paid alot in new member fees... what can i expect to give back? i know its different in every campus but i just wanted some opinions

what i have recieve is greek letters from big, dropped necklace (i'm pretty sure i have to give this back), tote bag, photo album, notepads, jacket, flip flops, stitch shirt, family stitch, another shirt i got on big/lil reveal day, bid day shirt, clues from big (some letters with symbol), a cup, picture frame, and other little things....

thank you in advance! oh and in case you were wondering i decided i did not want to be intiated due to some family disagreement about the use of my college money

Yeah you pretty much should give back everything, except for maybe the clues from your big.

I know you spent a lot of money as a new member, but everyone else is right...

All those gifts that you get from your big are really "sorority stuff" and since you'll no longer be a member, it wouldn't really be right for you to keep it. Keep pictures (not the frame), keep memories, keep letters, keep anything that was personalized to you as a friend outside of the context of your former sorority, but the right thing to do would be to give back everything else.

I personally would find it inappropriate if a new member of my org depledged and I later walked in her room to find that she had lettered AXO items around. Those items are privileges of membership. And think of it this way: by giving all your stuff back, you're helping out your friends in the chapter by allowing current or future member to enjoy them!

[lauralaylin]

Also don't forget that what you paid also went into any events you were a part of, your nm education, and more. It didn't just go to sweatshirts and other possessions.

[33girl]

Everything.

[AlphaFrog]

Ok, this makes me mad... "I spent all of my $$ on letters, picture frames, paddles, etc and now I can't pay my dues." If you can't afford your dues, don't buy a bunch of extras, and then whine because you have to give them back. And if you personally didn't buy them, you definitely shouldn't keep them. The stuff was bought for you with the assumption that you would be a member for life.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Everything.

I agree and as others have said why do you want the stuff anyway? You obviously don't want to be part of the group.

[shinerbock]

If you're not in the sorority, I doubt you care much about bylaws. I'd say give back everything, but who cares, do whatever you want.

[tinydancer16]

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

I agree and as others have said why do you want the stuff anyway? You obviously don't want to be part of the group.

This is a little harsh, she said her reasoning for not being initiated is monetary, not lack of want.
That being said, the bottom line is if it has letters then you can't have it. You can handle the returning of it however you want but think about how you want to be remembered by these girls -do whatever you do in the most tactful and respectful manner possible. Remember that this is the place where these girls have pledged their hearts and things that you may have been given are more than just stuff with Greek letters on them.

[susan314]

I would agree that any lettered item should be returned. I do not mean this to sound harsh in any way, but if you are no longer going to be a member then you don't really have any use for the items. (It would be inappropriate to wear or display the letters.)

This especially holds true if any of the items were gifts from the chapter, your big, or other chapter members. (Given that you're having some financial difficulties yourself, certainly you can understand why your big might feel slighted after spending her own money on items with the assumption that you would initiate. The courteous thing to do would be to return any gifts to her - especially if any of them were items that had been handed down through your family tree in the chapter.)

Any non-lettered items would certainly be appropriate to keep as memories of your time in the chapter.

Also, I'm sure that you gave serious thought to your decision not to initiate, but I have one thing to mention in case its something that you haven't looked into. You mentioned that you had a family disagreement about the use of your money. My interpretation of this is that its not so much that you don't have funds available to you as it is that they don't approve of the way that you're budgeting those funds. Keep in mind that some GLOs do allow a new member to carry over and initiate in the next cycle. I do not know, of course, if this is a possibility in your organization. However, if you think there is a possibility that the disagreement with your family could be smoothed over by showing them that you can effectively budget your money over the next semester and you truly still do want to be a part of the chapter (if finances can be worked out), I would inquire with your chapter whether its possible to carry over.

(Again, I only recommend this course of action if you truly wish to be a member of the chapter and believe that you can make changes to your budgeting/spending that will help resolve the disagreement with your family. If you don't honestly believe that circumstances could be resolved with another semester, don't go this route - it won't do any good to string yourself or the chapter along. I only mentioned it because I wanted to make sure it was an option you had at least considered before leaving the chapter entirely.)

[Kevin]

If you paid for the stuff and your chapter is requesting it back, insist that they pay you for it.