Pledging GF

Upenn111 · #1 09-15-2006, 01:54 PM

Hey guys I'm just looking for advice. I myself have never been involved in greek life (i never saw the point a having to gain friends). But my Gf is rushing right now and i have mixed feelings about it. She doesnt know i have mixed feelings because she is really excited about it and i dont want to let her down. I've even been helping her choose her outfits for rush events but... The truth is I'm just not comfortable with the whole lets get wasted with frat boys thing... How often are mixers / greek only events on average. I know i can go to some parties which is my only saving grace. I know they pre-game before every football game and i cant do that... I guess i just feel like im kinda getting stuck on the back burner. This whole thing really surprises me because I've been dating my GF for a little more than a year and we've been attached at the hip for a couple years now. Advice? Suggestion? Anyone?
TIA

adpiucf · #2 09-15-2006, 02:05 PM

Depends on the school, but typically once a week there's an event. All of these things are voluntary participation. You should trust her not to cheat on you. She's going to these events to hang out with her sisters-- it's a girls night. Yes, there will be boys there, but they'd be there, too, if she was having a girls night anywhere in public. No sorority makes its members make out with fraternity boys, etc.

Show your support, come around to the house with her, go to events with her, etc. If you are feeling like you're not spending enough time together, communicate that you miss her and tell her that you're making her dinner or doing something romantic.

If it becomes an issue and you feel like you're growing apart, communicate. Either you'll both make the effort to understand or you'll part ways.

Your concerns are common when one member of a relationship is rushing. Don't worry-- you're not the last. Yes, sometimes people break up over this and sometimes it isn't an issue if the couple is committed to one another.

A sorority is a time committment. So is school. So is your relationship. Maybe you should also look into getting involved on campus, either with an intramural sport, fraternity or campus club so you fill your calendar, too.

DSTRen13 · #3 09-15-2006, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Maybe you should also look into getting involved on campus, either with an intramural sport, fraternity or campus club so you fill your calendar, too.

Yeah, my fiance and I both pledged the same semester, so that was good - I think the relationship stress probably would have been pretty bad, but we were both pretty preoccupied

Not going to attempt to give advice to the OP; don't know enough about NPC pledging ... Although I will say that if you are *that* worried that your girlfriend is suddenly going to ditch you for fraternity guys when you have been together that long, you may want to reevaluate your relationship regardless of whether or not she pledges.

Upenn111 · #4 09-15-2006, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Depends on the school, but typically once a week there's an event. All of these things are voluntary participation. You should trust her not to cheat on you. She's going to these events to hang out with her sisters-- it's a girls night. Yes, there will be boys there, but they'd be there, too, if she was having a girls night anywhere in public. No sorority makes its members make out with fraternity boys, etc.

Show your support, come around to the house with her, go to events with her, etc. If you are feeling like you're not spending enough time together, communicate that you miss her and tell her that you're making her dinner or doing something romantic.

If it becomes an issue and you feel like you're growing apart, communicate. Either you'll both make the effort to understand or you'll part ways.

Your concerns are common when one member of a relationship is rushing. Don't worry-- you're not the last. Yes, sometimes people break up over this and sometimes it isn't an issue if the couple is committed to one another.

A sorority is a time committment. So is school. So is your relationship. Maybe you should also look into getting involved on campus, either with an intramural sport, fraternity or campus club so you fill your calendar, too.

Its not a trust issue at all i trust her to the nth degree and i tried telling her that i was having mixed feelings (between when i posted and now) and she just got mad so w/e ill let things simmer down before i say anything else. Anger wasnt exactly the response i was looking for when i told her i was feeling kinda second best... But beyond all that i have made sure that shes knows that i support her 100% in whatever she decides as long as it healthy... the drinking thing is kinda a border line health issue because she is diabetic and i woory about her when im not there because I always end up checking her sugar for her and then giving her a shot or something with sugar if shes had too much... Would i be way off base if i said i didnt want to help her choose clothing chaufer her between houses etc. ? Thanks for your advice tho very helpful

Upenn111 · #5 09-15-2006, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

Yeah, my fiance and I both pledged the same semester, so that was good - I think the relationship stress probably would have been pretty bad, but we were both pretty preoccupied

Not going to attempt to give advice to the OP; don't know enough about NPC pledging ... Although I will say that if you are *that* worried that your girlfriend is suddenly going to ditch you for fraternity guys when you have been together that long, you may want to reevaluate your relationship regardless of whether or not she pledges.

Thats not really the issue like i said its just like I'm feeling like im getting pushed on the back burner kinda un-appreicated. Shes just gotten to used to having me around and too used to having me always bring her flowers and rub her feet when theyre sore. The thing is she knows that I wont leave her over a time issue but it seems like she just doesnt get it...

33girl · #6 09-15-2006, 02:26 PM

That's another issue, completely independent of her pledging.

Get involved in some things on your own that you enjoy that don't include her and that make you feel good about yourself as a person. If you continue to be joined at the hip, as you said, it just increases the chances of the relationship burning out more quickly.

Upenn111 · #7 09-15-2006, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

That's another issue, completely independent of her pledging.

Get involved in some things on your own that you enjoy that don't include her and that make you feel good about yourself as a person. If you continue to be joined at the hip, as you said, it just increases the chances of the relationship burning out more quickly.

Youre probably right... Thata does make sense i guess i just put the two togeather because it started at the same time that rush did... Thanks for all the help.

purplewindex · #8 09-15-2006, 02:41 PM

When I first joined my house, my boyfriend was DEAD against it. He thought I was going to turn into a whore and go down to the fraternities every night and cheat on him or something. I have no idea what he thought, but it was completely unjustified because he and I both knew that I would never cheat on him. I brought him over to the house and he met the girls and then felt comfortable about it. She shouldn't be angry with you for sharing your feelings about her rushing. It can be stressful on a relationship because a sorority is so time consuming, especially when she's on the other side of Recruitment, but if the relationship is meant to be it'll work out.

Hope everything gets better!

Buttonz · #9 09-15-2006, 02:49 PM

Go ahead and get invovled on campus yourself, as many others have suggested.

I understand being worried about her, but realize that her sisters iwll (hopefully) know her situation and they will look out for her just like you do.

When you talk to your GF, you need to do it in a way tha tdoesn't sound like your blaming her, yet still letting her know that your worried.

My BF is very anti-Greek because of some issues he had back as a freshman, but he was always there for me and supported me, and was okay if he wasn't able to come join us at a party, mixer, etc. Even when I went through some rocky times with my sisters, he was the one that was always there for me, and it was great to have him around (along with my other friends) when I needed that sorority break. Hopefully you will be the same for her.

AChiOhSnap · #10 09-15-2006, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Upenn111

Youre probably right... Thata does make sense i guess i just put the two togeather because it started at the same time that rush did... Thanks for all the help.

UPenn, I am still with the same boyfriend I had when I received my bid to Alpha Chi and I guarantee you, I never ever did anything to jeopardize our relationship. She would get drunk at the fraternities with or without a sorority...if your relationship is strong and trusting, nothing will change about her behavior around other men simply because she joins a sorority.

Think of it this way: now all your guy friends are going to be jealous because you now have an "in" to sorority parties.

SmartBlondeGPhB · #11 09-16-2006, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you continue to be joined at the hip, as you said, it just increases the chances of the relationship burning out more quickly.

Regardless of whether she's greek......

Kevin · #12 09-16-2006, 04:29 PM

If she cheats on you with some random fraternity man, your relationship probably wouldn't have worked out anyhow in the long run. Stop being so insecure. If your relationship holds together, fine, if her being exposed to a lot of single fraternity men is too much for your relationship to bear, it wasn't meant to be. A little more self-confidence wouldn't hurt you though.

adpiucf · #13 09-16-2006, 04:38 PM

Also, you're worried about her joining a sorority b/c you are the one who monitors her disease?

That's a lame excuse for objecting to her joining. The truth is that you're afraid she's going to go off and cheat on you and hook up with other guys. Trust her not to. She's old enough to control and check her blood sugar. And if she cheats on you, then she's an immature skank and you deserve someone better.

Chill out. You don't have to monitor her blood sugar, dress her for recruitment or drive her spoiled ass around town. She sounds like a perfect nightmare. She has you by the balls. Grow some new ones and either walk away or get involved with an activity so you're not hanging around the house crying in your Cheerios because she is at a chapter meeting.

Kevin · #14 09-16-2006, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Also, you're worried about her joining a sorority b/c you are the one who monitors her disease?

That's a lame excuse for objecting to her joining. The truth is that you're afraid she's going to go off and cheat on you and hook up with other guys. Trust her not to. She's old enough to control and check her blood sugar. And if she cheats on you, then she's an immature skank and you deserve someone better.

Chill out. You don't have to monitor her blood sugar, dress her for recruitment or drive her spoiled ass around town. She sounds like a perfect nightmare. She has you by the balls. Grow some new ones and either walk away or get involved with an activity so you're not hanging around the house crying in your Cheerios because she is at a chapter meeting.

Perfect.