I Still Feel Greek...

Hi everyone. This is my first and probably will be my only post. I've been looking on this site for the past year or so but never got an account. I've found wonderful recruitment, philanthropy, and sisterhood tips, as well as fun cheers and activities to revive the sorority spirit. I'm from the Midwest, although my campus isn't very big, and our Greek system isn't very large (maybe 4 or 5 chapters total). When I joined my sorority, I adored it. I bled our colors for a year and a half.

And then I quit.

I was one of five who quit the sorority this semester. Since I initiated, only 2 girls remain in the sorority from my initiating class... that's a 25% retention rate, which should key you in on some problems right there. I still love the idea of Greek life in general, and how sororities are in general, but this particular chapter that I joined... oof. This chapter should not even exist. Let me explain.

When I was going through rush, it was wonderful. It is for everyone, isn't it? You get absolutely doted over with attention, they bend over backwards to get you to come to events and get you to pledge. I thought they genuinely liked me. I considered myself a shy but nice person, and I didn't have many friends since I transferred from up north. I figured, why not? I felt close to everyone, the events were fun, and everyone just seemed so....nice!

But you know what? After initiation, as soon as they get you, it's a complete 180. Half of the sisters started ignoring me, now that I was just another member, another tool to use for recruitment. I was expected to help come up with ideas on how to deal with the other sorority on campus who the chapter viewed as a "threat" instead of an opportunity to make connections. Did I mention we only have two social sororities? Well, we do. And they're always snarky and at war, blaming each other for stealing girls so that mine would never hit max numbers and get another sorority on campus. Not only that, but I was expected to go to everything. And I did, because I loved the sorority and wanted to show I was dedicated. Tabling twice a week, a philanthropy event on Thursday, sisterhood after that, volunteering on Saturday, chapter meeting on Sunday, council meetings on Wednesdays, plus Panhellenic and poster-making and recruiting. It was a mad house, the Exec board expects way too much from everyone. The problem was, I showed up. To all of it. So when I was sick, or needed a mental health day, I was bitched at up and down the block as soon as I recovered for not being there. Never a thank you for hard work, praise for a job well done, or even acknowledgment that I did something well. I was like a robot, and it hurt to realize that they didn't really care anymore.

Things just got progressively worse. Sisters would start being snarky to each other on purpose. The expectations from the tyrannical women on the Executive board would stress everyone else out, and people felt judged, cranky, and loathed to go see each other. It was basically forcing people who started to hate each other to go pretend to act sisterly. It was miserable! There was never anything fun to go to. The chapter I was in, pardon the language, had a giant stick up its ass. We never went to parties because it would "damage our reputation as ladies", or could drink with each other at someone's house without getting written up. God forbid you hang out at a fraternity house, because then you were seen as easy and would get talked to because "girls in the chapter went to Exec, and they were concerned". When I turned 21, I went downtown once or twice a weekend, and I got talked to. Even though, you know, I had the highest GPA in the chapter.

Sooo... I stopped caring. I went inactive, but still heard about the drama girls would fling at each other. One of my littles (I had three) despised me for deleting her off my facebook, which I had trimmed to close friends under the advice of my counselor who I started seeing for social anxiety and depression. It's sad that she'd use something as precious as a sisterhood candlelight to talk shit about me... and it's a poor reflection of her character, not mine. Anyway, things like this just happened. I got sick of it. I got sick of paying the money to be treated like this, I got sick of putting in everything I had to not even receive a "thank you" or smile of appreciation (even though a common mantra was 'you get what you put into it), and I got sick of living like a sister when clearly the chapter did not think of themselves as sisters. It was fake, it was hurtful, it was snooty, and I am sick of being a scapegoat for when things go wrong and never a good person for when I do something right.

I still feel Greek. Because I bled the colors for a year and acted more like a sister than they ever did... I still feel Greek.

[winnie_tuck]

This
Is
Called
Life........


This happens to a lot of people. At work, or even in class, you don't get appreciated for good ideas and when you do extra work! You should wanna go to every meeting and event. I never understood people that made comments about having to do chapter stuff. It's not about parties!

[FSUZeta]

Was this an assignment your counselor gave you? Sort of like a 12-step program, except instead of calling your chapter out, you came to an anonymous board to get it all out.

I keep seeing the word "I" over and over in your post. "I was expected to go to everything", "I was expected to come up with ideas", "I went downtown","I went inactive". Were you alone singled out? I think not.

A sorority is about the whole, not about the one. And as winnie_tuck said, that is life. It is not all about "I"-it won't be at your job, it won't be in your marriage (should you choose to marry), and it certainly won't be if you have children.

You weren't feeling it, and you resigned your membership. End of story. You may still feel greek, but you no longer are.

[Griffins&Quills]

You deleted one of your littles as a facebook friend, because you didn't consider her a close friend, and she got mad? Not surprised. Don't know what exactly you want to hear.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Griffins&Quills

You deleted one of your littles as a facebook friend, because you didn't consider her a close friend, and she got mad? Not surprised. Don't know what exactly you want to hear.

I found this shocking too. She was surprised that her little was hurt by this? As a big, your job is to be there for your little sis. Deleting her from your FB friend list is massive fail.

[justgo_withit]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I found this shocking too. She was surprised that her little was hurt by this? As a big, your job is to be there for you little sis. Deleting her from your FB friend list is massive fail.

Especially (if this was recent) considering the control you have over seeing their updates- un-checking "show in news feed" fixes that without any drama.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by AwakeInside

Hi everyone. This is my first and probably will be my only post. I've been looking on this site for the past year or so but never got an account. I've found wonderful recruitment, philanthropy, and sisterhood tips, as well as fun cheers and activities to revive the sorority spirit. I'm from the Midwest, although my campus isn't very big, and our Greek system isn't very large (maybe 4 or 5 chapters total). When I joined my sorority, I adored it. I bled our colors for a year and a half.

And then I quit.

I was one of five who quit the sorority this semester. Since I initiated, only 2 girls remain in the sorority from my initiating class... that's a 25% retention rate, which should key you in on some problems right there. I still love the idea of Greek life in general, and how sororities are in general, but this particular chapter that I joined... oof. This chapter should not even exist. Let me explain.

When I was going through rush, it was wonderful. It is for everyone, isn't it? You get absolutely doted over with attention, they bend over backwards to get you to come to events and get you to pledge. I thought they genuinely liked me. I considered myself a shy but nice person, and I didn't have many friends since I transferred from up north. I figured, why not? I felt close to everyone, the events were fun, and everyone just seemed so....nice!

But you know what? After initiation, as soon as they get you, it's a complete 180. Half of the sisters started ignoring me, now that I was just another member, another tool to use for recruitment. I was expected to help come up with ideas on how to deal with the other sorority on campus who the chapter viewed as a "threat" instead of an opportunity to make connections. Did I mention we only have two social sororities? Well, we do. And they're always snarky and at war, blaming each other for stealing girls so that mine would never hit max numbers and get another sorority on campus. Not only that, but I was expected to go to everything. And I did, because I loved the sorority and wanted to show I was dedicated. Tabling twice a week, a philanthropy event on Thursday, sisterhood after that, volunteering on Saturday, chapter meeting on Sunday, council meetings on Wednesdays, plus Panhellenic and poster-making and recruiting. It was a mad house, the Exec board expects way too much from everyone. The problem was, I showed up. To all of it. So when I was sick, or needed a mental health day, I was bitched at up and down the block as soon as I recovered for not being there. Never a thank you for hard work, praise for a job well done, or even acknowledgment that I did something well. I was like a robot, and it hurt to realize that they didn't really care anymore.

Things just got progressively worse. Sisters would start being snarky to each other on purpose. The expectations from the tyrannical women on the Executive board would stress everyone else out, and people felt judged, cranky, and loathed to go see each other. It was basically forcing people who started to hate each other to go pretend to act sisterly. It was miserable! There was never anything fun to go to. The chapter I was in, pardon the language, had a giant stick up its ass. We never went to parties because it would "damage our reputation as ladies", or could drink with each other at someone's house without getting written up. God forbid you hang out at a fraternity house, because then you were seen as easy and would get talked to because "girls in the chapter went to Exec, and they were concerned". When I turned 21, I went downtown once or twice a weekend, and I got talked to. Even though, you know, I had the highest GPA in the chapter.

Sooo... I stopped caring. I went inactive, but still heard about the drama girls would fling at each other. One of my littles (I had three) despised me for deleting her off my facebook, which I had trimmed to close friends under the advice of my counselor who I started seeing for social anxiety and depression. It's sad that she'd use something as precious as a sisterhood candlelight to talk shit about me... and it's a poor reflection of her character, not mine. Anyway, things like this just happened. I got sick of it. I got sick of paying the money to be treated like this, I got sick of putting in everything I had to not even receive a "thank you" or smile of appreciation (even though a common mantra was 'you get what you put into it), and I got sick of living like a sister when clearly the chapter did not think of themselves as sisters. It was fake, it was hurtful, it was snooty, and I am sick of being a scapegoat for when things go wrong and never a good person for when I do something right.

I still feel Greek. Because I bled the colors for a year and acted more like a sister than they ever did... I still feel Greek.

(People holler when no one QFPs.)

[Old_Row]

This sounds a little bit like a creative writing assignment to me.

[TriDeltaSallie]

I've been a part of a highly dysfunctional group (NOT my sorority) and I understand what you are saying. There comes a point where it is so toxic you have to leave no matter how much you love and believe in what it is SUPPOSED to stand for.

Did you resign your membership? It isn't clear to me what your official status is. It's a shame for you to lose out on a lifetime of membership in a group whose values you do ultimately believe in.

Didn't your chapter have any advisers who could keep a lid on things? Is your national organization aware of how dysfunctional everything is?

[clemsongirl]

And what was the point of writing all this? Do you feel better after sharing your story with a bunch of strangers on the internet? What do you want us to do about it, besides read it and then question your motives? I can't speak for anyone else here, but I have no sympathy to offer you.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

(People holler when no one QFPs.)

And I was just about to!

[AnchorAlumna]

NPC group? NPHC? Local?

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

NPC group? NPHC? Local?

Definitely doesn't sound anything like NPHC from the information/ language used...

[moe.ron]

Tdlr

[winnie_tuck]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

And what was the point of writing all this? Do you feel better after sharing your story with a bunch of strangers on the internet? What do you want us to do about it, besides read it and then question your motives? I can't speak for anyone else here, but I have no sympathy to offer you.

I have sympathy, but this ordeal is nothing new to any of us. I now feel it's a cliche when every girl says " things changed after initiation". It's like the "GDI" motto ( thank you "fratstar" bf on my couch). I would like to just say recruitment is not some smoke and mirror trick, girls show their real faces, the shallow, catty, and cruel sides when meeting pnm. How many girls acted like you were below their chapter or not as cute? The answer is many. I knew from the very minute I ran home which girls would like me and which wouldn't. I am licensed in such behavioral analysis but it is basic body language that will always reveal someone's true feelings. This isn't the first post about being isolated, that's when you confront the person or people with a lemon squeeze, duh! I also never have understood if you aren't liked how you joined??? It isn't good business to accept people and let them flounder, a sorority after all needs money to survive. In conclusion, I do feel sympathy for your situation. I once had a very shy friend in her organization, the advise I gave her was keep trying to establish a bond. It can be somewhat fake if it's only appearances but theoretically it's still a bond by association. Manipulate the hell out of it, go to every event with the friendamies, sit at lunch with them ( FYI they can't refuse you or people will talk), and oh hell I forgot you had a little!! That's like 1 friend at least!