Asking someone you're casually dating to formal?

shimshamhotdamn · #1 04-27-2013, 02:52 PM

Hey all (sorry! I'm new here! Let me know if I screw up!)

I'm a sophomore newly initiated member of my sorority, and I'm still learning conventions, including those for formal, which is traditionally held on the last day of classes here. Less than two weeks away!

I've been semi-seeing a guy (like two meal dates/week, and going to a party or hooking up or something outside of that, plus a fair amount of texting) for a little under a month - we have yet to DTR (and I'm pretty newly out of a serious relationship so I don't really want to) and I'm concerned asking him to formal will have Implications - but also, he's in a frat/involved in our pretty small, insular greek life community and will know that I didn't ask him if I don't, which may also have Implications.

Another complication: I'm definitely doing dinner with my big and twin, both of whom are bringing female friends as dates, and my grandbig, who has graduated and isn't actually going to formal - so bringing a guy means he'd be outnumbered 6 to 1. This guy is probably fine with that, but I feel like that could also be weird.

My roommate has already said she'd be happy to be my "date", so that's an option - but aaah! Is formal more fun with a guy (some people say babysitting gets boring) or without one? For reference, we always do it in a bar/club rather than a house or something. Is asking someone I'm casually dating a bad idea? Will dinner be weird? What is the protocol about asking someone? I'm running low on time and don't even know how to ask him while giving him an out. Thoughts?

Kelsium · #2 04-27-2013, 11:04 PM

If I were you, I'd ask around and see if any of your sorority sisters are taking boys from his fraternity as dates. It would definitely take the pressure off and you could both do your own thing for a bit and you wouldn't feel like you were babysitting him.

Gamma Xi Phi · #3 04-28-2013, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shimshamhotdamn

I've been semi-seeing a guy (like two meal dates/week, and going to a party or hooking up or something outside of that, plus a fair amount of texting) for a little under a month - we have yet to DTR (and I'm pretty newly out of a serious relationship so I don't really want to) and I'm concerned asking him to formal will have Implications

Don't ask him to formal. Take the roommate.

adpiucf · #4 04-28-2013, 11:34 AM

This isn't a big deal. Just ask him. "Hey, my formal is coming up. Want to go?" He'll say yes, as he likely wants to continue getting into your pants, and there is a free event t-shirt in it for him.

33girl · #5 04-29-2013, 10:54 AM

I'm stupid. What is DTR? Declare The Relationship? Or Do The Rutting?

TonyB06 · #6 04-29-2013, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm stupid. What is DTR? Declare The Relationship? Or Do The Rutting?

Define the Relationship.

amIblue? · #7 04-29-2013, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm stupid. What is DTR? Declare The Relationship? Or Do The Rutting?

I had to google. I found define the relationship.

I hate text speak.

pshsx1 · #8 04-29-2013, 11:26 AM

I have never heard DTR used. Ever.

I've taken guys and girls to formals and they're equally as fun. You're only babysitting if the person you bring has the social skills of a potato.

If you're really super worried about "implications," follow GXP's advice and take the roomie.

Otherwise, select Option B and follow adpiucf's advice: "Hey, wanna go to formal with me?"

ComradesTrue · #9 04-29-2013, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I had to google. I hate text speak.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshsx1

I have never heard DTR used. Ever.

Really?

This was a common abbreviation on my college campus in the early 90s. While I hate text speak as well, this long pre-dates most cell phones.

MysticCat · #10 04-29-2013, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Really?

This was a common abbreviation on my college campus in the early 90s. While I hate text speak as well, this long pre-dates most cell phones.

Add me to the list of those who had to google it.

ASTalumna06 · #11 04-29-2013, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm stupid. What is DTR? Declare The Relationship? Or Do The Rutting?

Thank you for asking this! To be honest, I assumed it was another acronym for DTF (Down To F*$&).....

..... but I couldn't think of a word that means the same thing and starts with an R...

Psi U MC Vito · #12 04-29-2013, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Thank you for asking this! To be honest, I assumed it was another acronym for DTF (Down To F*$&).....

..... but I couldn't think of a word that means the same thing and starts with an R...

Down to Rutt?

AGDee · #13 04-29-2013, 03:51 PM

I googled it too and saw the answer on Urban Dictionary, so it must be a thing. Yes, that is the vocabulary I'm picking up from my kids and their friends. "Is that really a thing?" "Yeah, that's a thing"

Sciencewoman · #14 04-29-2013, 04:47 PM

I'm getting old. But I do know what "friend zone" means. That means when DTR has resulted in the end of any Implications.

adpiucf · #15 04-29-2013, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Really?

This was a common abbreviation on my college campus in the early 90s. While I hate text speak as well, this long pre-dates most cell phones.

Me, too. Guess it is a regional thing? But early/late 90s was common where I was-- Did you have the DTR talk yet? Are you BF/GF?

We were big on acronyms.