Alum visiting colleges with daughter Qestion

pinkturtles · #1 10-31-2011, 10:34 AM

Hi, I'm taking my daughter to visit her top three colleges one last time before she makes her final decision on which school to attend. I'd like to visit the houses of the sorority I was in. It's been so long since I was a sorority girl and I'm worried it may be frowned upon these days. When I was in school we had alum drop by all the time. What is everyones thoughts? We are visiting University of Alabama, University of Florida and Ole Miss. Ole Miss doesn't have a chapter so it's not even an option. Thanks for your help.

KillarneyRose · #2 10-31-2011, 12:24 PM

Definitely drop in! I'd love to visit my old sorority suite every time I get back to Pitt but unfortunately (or fortunately, if you're looking at it from the inhabitants' viewpoint) the security at the dorms rivals Fort Knox and I don't usually know any sister in particular I can call to "buzz me in".

But since UA and UF have houses, I say stop in and say hey.

FSUZeta · #3 10-31-2011, 12:42 PM

definitely drop by. if you can get the email address of the chapter president and drop her a line ahead of time, that might let the chapter know that an alumna will be coming by on ____date.

KSUViolet06 · #4 10-31-2011, 01:37 PM

My only concern with this is just making sure it's okay with the chapter ahead of time.

And please note that "ahead of time" is not like the DAY before you will be in town.

As soon as you know the dates you will be in town, contact the president of the chapter to see if that would be a good weekend.

Collegian's calendars are jam packed with stuff and you don't want to just "drop by" on say, Derby Day weekend.

I've heard it happen where an alumna just kind of shows up (or gives like one day notice) and "drops by" on a busy weekend (ex: Greek Week weekend or Songfest weekend) the complains later that the women were "rude" or "they didn't talk to me" or were "disrespectful."

Well, you just kind of showed up at their home during the middle of a busy day. They can't suspend life to give you/your kid a tour/serve sandwiches to you/etc.

So all of that to say, remember that you are not only visiting your sorority chapter house, but the collegian's HOME as well. So just be mindful of that and give proper advance notice, as you would if you were planning to visit any other person's home.

pinkturtles · #5 10-31-2011, 02:02 PM

AnchorAlumna · #6 10-31-2011, 04:00 PM

I took my daughter to visit one of our houses. I e-mailed the president and gave her the date and approximate time of the visit. She made sure someone met me and gave us a tour...even treated us to lunch at the house!

Just make sure you have a phone number. Most houses are locked 24/7 and someone has to let you in unless you have a code.

Enjoy! They're gone so soon...

pinkturtles · #7 10-31-2011, 01:43 PM

Thank you so much! I will definately contact the chapter president before we visit. I'm so excited to show her my sorority. I know the odds are slim that she will join my sorority, but a mother can only hope.

AXOrushadvisor · #8 10-31-2011, 01:44 PM

I will start visiting chapters with my daughter this spring. Only 1 of the 3 she is interested in has my chapter (one will recolonize the year she would be a freshman). At the one campus, we will be heading down to homecoming and taking tours of several houses with alumni we know. I would just make sure you contact the Chapter Advisor prior to heading out and find out who she be your contact at the Chapter. I think it is a really good idea.

AZTheta · #9 10-31-2011, 01:59 PM

Another concern: not all chapters may have "open visitation policies" for non-public areas of the facility. As you are an alumna, that might not matter, but for your daughter, I wouldn't expect a full house tour if the chapter's visitation policy doesn't permit non-members in the non-public areas of the facility (regardless of sex!).

That said, we love to have alumnae visit!

KSUViolet06 · #10 10-31-2011, 04:54 PM

Another thing (not saying this is what you think, but more as a general point):

Don't think that your visit = the members are going to "look out" for my kid during fall recruitment and give her high priority.

The schools you're listing are pretty legacy-heavy. Even moreso depending on the sorority you're a member of (certain chapters see more legacies in recruitment than others just by nature of the region.)

Chances are good that many other alumnae are planning the same types of visits with their kids as well.

Chapters will see many more legacies at times than they have room for, making it impossible for them to "look out for" every single PNM whose mom made a visit, came by for Homecoming, is a member of the alumnae chapter and comes by every Founder's Day with her daughter since she was born 18 years ago, you get the idea.

Enjoy the visit of course for what it is (meeting collegians and showing your kid around college, etc.) but I just wanted to throw that out there.

I would hate for an alumna to have it in her mind that such a visit automatically = a "leg up" for her daughter in recruitment.

pinkturtles · #11 10-31-2011, 10:37 PM

33girl · #12 10-31-2011, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkturtles

With all that said, I didn't realize my simple question would have such a harsh response. I thought your first response was a little curt, but wow you really slammed it with the second one. As a moderator, you should be a little careful with the tone of your responses. As a mother, I worry how your harsh responses could affect a young girl if you answer their questions in the same manner.

First off, being a moderator has nothing to do with "tone." Moderators are all different and we all communicate differently. That includes regional differences. Sorry if it isn't what you're used to in day to day life, but that's how the Internet works.

Her response was hardly harsh - she was simply speaking in a straightforward manner so you didn't get any wrong impressions. Here on GC, we have MANY MANY MANY mothers of prospective sorority members who think that legacy status is enough to secure a bid - never mind that they've been completely out of touch with their sorority since graduation day and have no idea how recruitment, pledging and most especially the role of legacies in sororities have changed. They don't bother to help their daughters do the homework that's necessary to get ANY bid at a competitive campus and then come on here yelling that XYZ has completely forgotten its alumnae and what sisterhood means and that they'll never donate again (even if they never donated once to begin with).

If this isn't you don't take offense. If it is you, well...yeah.

southernbelle14 · #13 10-31-2011, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkturtles

Thank you for your advice. I wasn't taking my daughter to get a "leg up" but rather for my enjoyment of seeing the DZ house as a proud alum and for my daughter to experience a sorority house for the first time with me. We unfortunately have never been able to visit my school and sorority house for alumnae events.

As I stated in an earlier post, I know it's a slim chance that she would join my sorority..... Even in my day, legacies were cut. Of course we had to have a VERY good reason to do so. I remember all us girls heartbroken when we had to cut a legacy because she just wasn't a good fit. I wouldn't want my daughter to be in a sorority that wasn't a good fit for her just because it was my sorority.

From what I've heard, being a legacy may not even get you an invite back for the second round. In some ways it's better. Who wants to get in a sorority just because their mother was. Some sororities might pass on a girl that's a great fit if she's a legacy to a different sorority. Visiting has nothing to do with having the members look out for my kid and to give her high priority. Some of us are very proud of our chapter and just want to visit for the sake of visiting.

With all that said, I didn't realize my simple question would have such a harsh response. I thought your first response was a little curt, but wow you really slammed it with the second one. As a moderator, you should be a little careful with the tone of your responses. As a mother, I worry how your harsh responses could affect a young girl if you answer their questions in the same manner.

While this is America, free speech is not part of greek chat. You are not to disagree with anything the moderators do. Or any regular member really.

Good luck to your daughter in making her decision!

33girl · #14 10-31-2011, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernbelle14

While this is America, free speech is not part of greek chat. You are not to disagree with anything the moderators do. Or any regular member really.

Good luck to your daughter in making her decision!

pinkturtles, just to let you know, southernbelle14 says that a size six girl is fat. So the phrase "consider the source" is particularly apt here.

southernbelle14 · #15 10-31-2011, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

pinkturtles, just to let you know, southernbelle14 says that a size six girl is fat. So the phrase "consider the source" is particularly apt here.

actually... I said at my school it is considered fat. Everyone here took that as me saying I think it's fat. I was just stating my school's standards.
But no one here actually reads accurately. They just read what they want to hear.