Biological Sister is a PNM!!

creamrosecutie · #1 04-13-2008, 03:26 AM

Hello Hello!
I am new on this forum but not new to the greek system! I am a DG at UBC and I couldn't be happier

. I have a couple of questions regarding my little sister - as in biological little sister!! - who has just gradded from high school and is planning to attend formal recruitment!

1. I am so excited for her! Of course I really want her to go DG but I don't want to pressure her. I really want her to join the sorority that she feels is best for her but unfortunately I am really having trouble with talking to her about sororities and not pressuring her. She is a double legacy so I know know know it is in her best interest for me to just not say anything. I don't want her to either join DG because she is a legacy or feel terrible if she doesn't get DG. Any advice on ways I can talk to her about this? About recruitment in general?

2. As far as writing recommendations goes... can active members write recommendations or just alums? I am not in the chapter she will be rushing, I am in a different chapter, but if I can I would love to write her a recommendation!

Any advice would be so much appreciated! Thanks girls!
xxoo
Claire

SoCalGirl · #2 04-13-2008, 03:58 AM

Different groups have different policies about whether or not collegiates can write recs. You should email your HQ to confirm. Also, if you have sisters who are recent DG alums (or advisors, or any other alum you know) you could ask them to write her a rec.

Share with your sister what your recruitment experience was like. Is she already planning to go greek or is she on the fence? I think you should share some favorite DG memories but also share stories that involve friends from other sororities too. Most of all tell her plainly that while DG was the best choice for you that you realize she's her own person and she should chose what's best for herself.

Zillini · #3 04-13-2008, 09:23 AM

It's nice to hear you don't want to pressure her to go the same way you did. Since you are at a different school than where she will be, tell her (and remind yourself) that every GLO can be different from campus to campus. Focus instead on the great aspects of sisterhood a sorority -- any sorority -- can provide.

lindz0722 · #4 04-13-2008, 09:30 AM

Delta Gamma collegiate members can definitely write recommendations!! I agree with SoCalGirl that you might want to ask someone outside the family to write it, but you certainly could if you wanted to.

FSUZeta · #5 04-13-2008, 09:39 AM

remind her that despite her legacy status, delta gamma is not obligated to offer her a bid. if she makes it to the delta gamma pref. party, it is because they like HER and see in her qualities they want in their sisterhood, not because of her legacy status.

good luck to your sister. please keep us informed.

violetpretty · #6 04-13-2008, 10:40 AM

You said your sister is a double legacy. Do you mean double legacy to DG or a legacy to DG through you and a legacy to another sorority through another relative?

Either way, doesn't that mean that you were a legacy when you went through (Unless there is a sister between you two that is Greek or the legacy chapter was not at your school)? Explain your experience going through recruitment as a legacy.

If you were a legacy to DG, you know that you were chosen because the chapter likes you, and I'm sure you chose DG because you liked the chapter. Legacy status was not the only factor on both sides of the decision.

If you were a legacy to another sorority and pledged DG, obviously you are happy in your choice to not pledge your legacy chapter and she shouldn't feel pressured either.

Benzgirl · #7 04-13-2008, 10:46 AM

I hate to be a spoiler, but can you change your font? It hurts the eyes of us old people.

AXiDTrish · #8 04-13-2008, 01:02 PM

My biological sister went through recruitment while I was in active chapter and it was a very emotionally charged experience for me. I, personally, was petrified she would join another sorority. I know, I know, not very Panhellenic of me... Thankfully you are more openminded than I was!

I made the decision not to recruit Rachel. She was aware of this decision as I wanted her to get to know the rest of the chapter. She saw me interacting, recruiting other PNM's, etc, but I didn't really talk to her.

Then came pref....do I pref her or do I not? I did end up preffing her, which she later said she was grateful for. I was a disaster (this was much harder on me than her) and she was completely cool. In the end, she accepted a bid from Alpha Xi Delta, to which I was extremely relieved.

Years later, she and I completely value the time we had together in college. I was very involved as a collegiate and now as an alumnae. She was just one of those members who enjoyed it, but didn't go above and beyond. Now she loves hearing my stories and gives money when I tell her she needs to (hahaha!).

My advice...
1. Be a better sister than me and try not to get too emotionally involved.
2. Allow her to get to know the chapter through conversations with other sisters. Of course, let her see you participating and interacting.
3. Don't be afraid to pref her! I was and I would have regretted it if I didn't.

lauralaylin · #9 04-13-2008, 01:39 PM

She goes to a different school than where her sister is rushing, so preffing her sister might be a little weird. Is this common in other groups? I've heard of bring in another chapter to help with recruitment, but never heard of them actually preffing before.

violetpretty · #10 04-13-2008, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauralaylin

She goes to a different school than where her sister is rushing, so preffing her sister might be a little weird. Is this common in other groups? I've heard of bring in another chapter to help with recruitment, but never heard of them actually preffing before.

My guess is Trish was telling her story and forgot that the OP's sister is going to a different school.

creamrosecutie · #11 04-13-2008, 01:47 PM

Wow thanks for all your advice!! Sorry Benzgirl... font changed!
To Violetpretty: Yes I was a legacy when I went through as well. My grandmother is also a DG. I know that a chapter is not obligated to offer a DG a bid of course! That is why I said I was worried that if she feels pressured and decides she really wants DG and then does not get offered a bid I'm afraid of that being super hard on her. That would be far worse than her liking another chapter and me being disappointed.
To AXiTrish: I already AM super emotionally invested! I'm trying not to be but it's so hard eh?? Luckily I think it will be a little easier for me since I'm not in the chapter she will be rushing. Ultimately I know that she should just be happy even if it is not with Delta Gams.

creamrosecutie · #12 04-13-2008, 01:48 PM

And by "offer a DG a bid" I meant offer a DG legacy a bid

AOII Angel · #13 04-13-2008, 01:56 PM

creamrosecutie,

You are lucky that your sister will not be going through recruitment at your school. That takes a lot of the pressure off of her to go DG. I was a legacy to AOII going through at my sister's school. The pressure was enormous. My sister never said anything, but my mom really pushed hard. In the end, I couldn't have joined another group because of the relationship between my sister and I. I recommend that you tell your sister what you love about DG but that all chapters are different. Let her know that you would love to be her DG sister, but if she chooses another group, you'll be proud of her joining the greek system and joining a group she feels comfortable with. Being sisters doesn't mean you are both looking for the same experiences anyway. Also, be prepared to be really happy for her no matter what she chooses to do.
P.S. I just saw your last post. If she knows that just like you, being a DG legacy is NOT an automatic bid, than she should have no more issue not being offered a bid than you would have been. If she doesn't get a bid to DG, make sure you stress to her that being a DG is not the end all be all of life. ABC giving her a bid may be the best thing that ever happened to her.

AXiDTrish · #14 04-13-2008, 05:43 PM

Whoops, I didn't see that your sister went to a different school. Sorry.

What I have seen done, sometimes with success and sometimes not, is that the chapter that she would join ask you to attend pref or if you contact the advisor to ask if you could attend. You may not be able to recruit her, but sometimes it is important for a PNM to see the person they are a legacy to there. This works especially well if you being there is a surprise. You would definitely have to ask and make sure no toes are stepped on, but if the chapter really likes your sister, it could work to her/their/your favor.

Again, I have seen this be an incredible success as well as an awkward situation for the PNM, so you have to handle it with a lot of awareness.

If nothing else, be there for your sister and be a listening ear.
Good Luck!!!

groovypq · #15 04-13-2008, 05:47 PM

I agree with Trish above. My story is VERY different (I am an AI) but my sister was at my initiation and it meant the world to me. I cried the minute she walked in! We love each other dearly and it means so much to share this extra-special bond now. :-) If you can be there for pref night, I think that would be pretty awesome!