Dutch Couple Returns Adopted Child After 7 Years

[Taualumna]

A Dutch couple has sparked outrage by giving up a seven-year-old South Korean girl they adopted as a baby – after claiming she didn't “fit in” with their life-style.

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Incredibly sad. I'm assuming that not fitting in means she doesn't "blend in" with the family. Why bother adopting an Asian kid if you feel this way?

[Fawn Liebowitz]

They adopted her when they thought they couldn't conceive...now they have two biological children...that sucks. Their reasons for giving her up sound like bullsh*t.

[lilzetakitten]

That's just vile. Seriously, even if the reason that she didn't fit in was in fact the reason that they gave her up, that's not her fault, it's bad parenting. If a baby adopted at 4 months doesn't fit in at 7 years, it's a sign that her parents were doing something dreadfully wrong, and should probably be monitored in regards to their other kids.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by lilzetakitten

That's just vile. Seriously, even if the reason that she didn't fit in was in fact the reason that they gave her up, that's not her fault, it's bad parenting. If a baby adopted at 4 months doesn't fit in at 7 years, it's a sign that her parents were doing something dreadfully wrong, and should probably be monitored in regards to their other kids.

That's so true. If she didn't "fit in" it's because they raised her not to fit in. If she grows up eating what they eat, then why would she make such a fuss about why she didn't like it? Or if she grew up going to their church and celebrating their traditions, then why would a 7 year old, who know no different, be complaining? YOU DO WHAT YOUR PARENTS DO UNTIL YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW AND DO DIFFERENTLY! They should go to jail. There is no excuse. And their other children should be taken from them because if you can't raise your first child or ANY of your children, then you are UNFIT to take care of any of the other ones. Are they going to do this to their other children when they turn 7 and decide not to eat spinach anymore or complain about the length of church service or simply aren't as adorable anymore or whatever? Maybe they were tired of getting funny looks...

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

Are they going to do this to their other children when they turn 7

Oh no, no, no, no, no -- remember, the other 2 are "theirs". I'm sure they "fit in" with them just fine.

They only adopted when they thought they couldn't conceive, they got the little girl and then later, pop!, got pregnant with "their own" children. So I don't think the arguments they're giving about the oldest daughter "not fitting" isn't really about what she will or won't eat for lunch...

This story really gets to me because 2 of my dearest friends come from family set-ups just like this one. They are both adopted, their parents had tried and tried and couldn't conceive, then soon after adopting my friends, both of their Moms got pregnant on their own. So they each have 2 additional siblings that are their parents' "biological" children. The idea that their parents might have then turned around and "given back" my friends (because they didn't "need" them anymore???), is unfathomable. They are their parents and they are their children. (although my friends "fit", at least race/culture-wise, in with their respective families, so I guess that is an advantage -- oh, and their parents are HUMAN and have an OUNCE OF DECENCY, so I guess that's a good thing too)

[lilzetakitten]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Oh no, no, no, no, no -- remember, the other 2 are "theirs". I'm sure they "fit in" with them just fine.

They only adopted when they thought they couldn't conceive, they got the little girl and then later, pop!, got pregnant with "their own" children. So I don't think the arguments they're giving about the oldest daughter "not fitting" isn't really about what she will or won't eat for lunch...

This story really gets to me because 2 of my dearest friends come from family set-ups just like this one. They are both adopted, their parents had tried and tried and couldn't conceive, then soon after adopting my friends, both of their Moms got pregnant on their own. So they each have 2 additional siblings that are their parents' "biological" children. The idea that their parents might have then turned around and "given back" my friends (because they didn't "need" them anymore???), is unfathomable. They are their parents and they are their children. (although my friends "fit", at least race/culture-wise, in with their respective families, so I guess that is an advantage -- oh, and their parents are HUMAN and have an OUNCE OF DECENCY, so I guess that's a good thing too)

I totally agree. My cousin is almost this age, and was adopted at the same age as that child, when my aunt and uncle thought that they couldn't have children. They now have another (biological) son. The idea of them "giving him back" is completely inconceivable. Seriously, he's their son. And, incidentally, we're white and he's Asian, so this story hits a little too close to home for me. I feel totally sickened.

[nittanyalum]

Oh, this just makes me sick. That poor little baby girl, in her frame of reference, this is akin to her biological parents giving her up -- they're all she's ever known.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Oh, this just makes me sick. That poor little baby girl, in her frame of reference, this is akin to her biological parents giving her up -- they're all she's ever known.

Given the way she's being treated now, I tend to doubt they were really ever parental toward her. Poor baby! This is awful.

[SthrnZeta]

And that little girl is old enough to understand she's being given away - makes it even worse in my book (as if it wasn't bad enough). So is she in a foster home now...? I hope the publicity received from this case finds her a better home. Just ludicrous what those people did.

[AOII Angel]

Ice water must run through their veins! I'm sure they wanted her as a status symbol..."Look we're parents!" Once they were able to have their own children, why keep the "foreign" one around?! The only thing I can say is this poor child is better off out of their care.

[scbelle]

I am seriously. sick. OMG, what a cruddy thing to do! When being a parent becomes about the adult, you know you've taken a wrong turn. Parenting is about meeting the needs of children. You, as an adult, are there to cater to the child's needs. The child is not there to feed some hole in your soul, or to be a bauble that you can just throw around to fit into the neighborhood. The two biological children will be scarred, I'm sure. They'll probably fear doing anything to get mom or dad mad, because in the back of their minds, they could think, "Hey, if they don't like me, mom and dad can always just give me away." Where's the vomit smilie when you need it?

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by scbelle

Where's the vomit smilie when you need it?

Really well-put post, scbelle.

And here's a vomit smiley -->

I feel the same way!!!

[carnation]

As a longtime adoptive parent, I've seen this in this country before. There are several kinds of 'disruptions': this is the kind that never should have happened because the stupid agency should have picked up on the fact that the couple would be awful adoptive parents. Unfortunately, a lot of agencies will accept anyone with the bucks.

Some disruptions are valid. We've known people who were lied to by agencies about children's problems and the kids came into the adoptive home and immediately tried to burn it down or they (in one case we know of, on the first night) molested kids already in the home.

[Taualumna]

Considering that she doesn't speak a word of Korean, would she be better off in a Chinese home?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Considering that she doesn't speak a word of Korean, would she be better off in a Chinese home?

Koreans living in Hong Kong probably speak Chinese.