QUESTION!!!

swimluv&alphaxi · #1 09-16-2008, 09:31 PM

Hey ladies!!

I have a quick question that I've been researching for awhile but haven't found the answer so I thought I'd try the knowledge of you lovely ladies! =) So here it is.... My boyfriend and I have been dating for awhile and we are very serious and I am allowed to wear his letters and I'd love for him to wear my letters even if it's only in the form of a lavaliere. My letters are really special to me and so is he and even if he doesn't know the meaning I would like for him to wear my letters proudly around his neck. Does anybody know if this is ok? And if you do not know do you know of anybody who might know?

Thank you all!!

Xi love and all of mine!!

swimluv&alphaxi · #2 09-16-2008, 09:39 PM

Anybody please help me out!!

AZ-AlphaXi · #3 09-16-2008, 10:49 PM

I've never heard of anyone reverse lavelering ... but I've often thought about
buying a dad's pin for my husband .. I sure wish they'd revise it to be "male in your life" pin :-)

I'd ask your chapter advisor if you want another opinion.

MysticCat · #4 09-16-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimluv&alphaxi

. . . I'd love for him to wear my letters even if it's only in the form of a lavaliere. My letters are really special to me and so is he and even if he doesn't know the meaning I would like for him to wear my letters proudly around his neck.

I know I'm out of my lane here, so sorry if I'm butting in, but I'm really having a really hard time imagining any guy wearing, much less feeling comfortable wearing, a lavaliere.

33girl · #5 09-17-2008, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I know I'm out of my lane here, so sorry if I'm butting in, but I'm really having a really hard time imagining any guy wearing, much less feeling comfortable wearing, a lavaliere.

One of my sisters lavaliered her boyfriend (later husband). He just wore it like any other guy would wear a cross on a chain or something like that.

Ask your advisor (or call your HQ if your advisor is a non-sister) if this is OK as far as A Xi D is concerned and then go from there.

PinkRose1098 · #6 09-17-2008, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I know I'm out of my lane here, so sorry if I'm butting in, but I'm really having a really hard time imagining any guy wearing, much less feeling comfortable wearing, a lavaliere.

MysticCat, you just summed up what I was thinking.

I can't imagine my hubby wearing jewelry with AXD on it. He had no problem with the t-shirts and such. The only jewelry he wore in college was his cross he received when he was confirmed, his class ring, and a watch. Well, now he wears a wedding ring, but he knows what's good for him.

swimluv&alphaxi have you talk to him about your idea? He's really the only one who could tell you how acceptable it would be. I haven't come across any restrictions in our Constitution and By-laws so you would probably be OK there. It may have been done in the past because I have seen some interesting tie bars on Ebay and I don't know any girls who wear ties on a regular basis. But like I said before, I'd talk to your boyfriend about it before you purchase anything.

MysticCat · #7 09-17-2008, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

One of my sisters lavaliered her boyfriend (later husband). He just wore it like any other guy would wear a cross on a chain or something like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkRose1098

I can't imagine my hubby wearing jewelry with AXD on it. He had no problem with the t-shirts and such. The only jewelry he wore in college was his cross he received when he was confirmed, his class ring, and a watch. Well, now he wears a wedding ring, but he knows what's good for him.

Maybe it's a regional/cultural thing. See where I'm from and in the particular segment of society I grew up in, a guy wouldn't wear a cross on a chain either. Guys do not wear anything resembling a necklace. Acceptable jewelry on guys is pretty much limited to:

a watch (not gold),
a wedding ring,
one other ring, such as a class or signet ring (if he is not married, this is the only ring he wears),
a fraternity badge,
a lapel pin, and
cufflinks when appropriate.

You just don't see guys wearing necklaces, tie tacks/bars/chains, or more rings. Anything beyond what I listed is usually considered tacky and, well, effeminate. (Just to be clear, I'm not saying that guys who wear crosses on a chain are effeminate. I'm just saying that in the culture I come from, wearing something like that would be viewed as effeminate. Or . . . well . . . Yankee.

)

I'll assume swimluv&alphaxi has a handle on what is acceptable for a guy where she and her boyfriend are.

33girl · #8 09-17-2008, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Or . . . well . . . Yankee.

)

You hit the nail, dude.

AXi1257 · #9 09-17-2008, 02:16 PM

I'm just saying that in the culture I come from, wearing something like that would be viewed as effeminate. Or . . . well . . . Yankee.

)

You just made this midwestern Yankee girl giggle. I agree w/your post. If a guy is wearing more jewlery than me, than that's just wrong. I don't wear much jewelry, and if I do, I want it to be real and nice. Next time I'm out I'm going to be looking for all these Yankees wearing tacky jewelry

swimluv&alphaxi · #10 09-17-2008, 02:25 PM

I spoke to my boyfriend and he was actually the one that came up with it. He said that he wanted something of mine to wear near his heart at all times. He has given me his ring and he bought me a lavaliere and since he would like to wear something of mine and I'd like him to wear it I thought that would be alright.

So guys are allowed to wear our letters on shirts? I've never heard of that one. I thought that you had to be an intiated sister or intiated mother etc.

Thanks for all of the help!!

P.s. He isn't one of those guys that wears A LOT of jewelry he has a necklace he got from family and then he had a ring that he had from a friend that is now deceased of which he has now given to me because of special meaning. So he wears things that have special meaning to him which is why he wants something of mine =)

33girl · #11 09-17-2008, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimluv&alphaxi

So guys are allowed to wear our letters on shirts? I've never heard of that one. I thought that you had to be an intiated sister or intiated mother etc.

Thanks for all of the help!!

P.s. He isn't one of those guys that wears A LOT of jewelry he has a necklace he got from family and then he had a ring that he had from a friend that is now deceased of which he has now given to me because of special meaning. So he wears things that have special meaning to him which is why he wants something of mine =)

I think she meant party t-shirts that had letters on them - not full out letter shirts. Now THAT would be effeminate

You could give him the letter charm and he could put it on his necklace (if that would work) so then you and his family would both be close to his heart.

PinkRose1098 · #12 09-18-2008, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You just don't see guys wearing necklaces, tie tacks/bars/chains, or more rings. Anything beyond what I listed is usually considered tacky and, well, effeminate. (Just to be clear, I'm not saying that guys who wear crosses on a chain are effeminate. I'm just saying that in the culture I come from, wearing something like that would be viewed as effeminate. Or . . . well . . . Yankee.

)

I think I left something out when I mentioned the cross. You'd never see the thing during the normal course of the day. It lives under his shirt and when you look at you can tell it's only taken of if it would be dangerous to wear, or he's doing something were jewelry would get in the way (shower, sleep, yard work). I didn't mean to make Mr. PinkRose sound in any way effeminate. It's more just a religious thing for him.

PinkRose1098 · #13 09-18-2008, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think she meant party t-shirts that had letters on them - not full out letter shirts. Now THAT would be effeminate

You could give him the letter charm and he could put it on his necklace (if that would work) so then you and his family would both be close to his heart.

Exactly, screen printed party shirts. The only stiched letters I want to see Mr. PinkRose in are his own.

MysticCat · #14 09-18-2008, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkRose1098

I think I left something out when I mentioned the cross. You'd never see the thing during the normal course of the day. It lives under his shirt and when you look at you can tell it's only taken of if it would be dangerous to wear, or he's doing something were jewelry would get in the way (shower, sleep, yard work). I didn't mean to make Mr. PinkRose sound in any way effeminate. It's more just a religious thing for him.

No, I figured that, and I wasn't meaning to imply that he is effeminate in any way.

My point was just that in my experience most guys, including Catholics, "from around here" (as we would say) wouldn't even wear one under their shirts where it can't be seen. Why? Because guys "from around here just don't do that."

Different places, different styles, it would seem.

moliesdaughter · #15 11-20-2008, 12:58 PM

We had this issue a few years ago when I was still a collegian. We called FHQ and they stated that they do not recognize lavaliering. We have to decide on it as a chapter. After that, we put the process in our chapter bylaws.

We must first write a letter to the chapter stating why we want to give a lavaliere to this person. The letter is to be read by the sister to the rest of the chapter. That sister is then to leave the room while the chapter votes. When the chapter votes, they take into consideration the relationship between the individuals, if there is a sign of commitment from the other person, etc. These are not discussed by the chapter but reflected upon internally by each member. The chapter then does a simple majority vote. If you would like to know the entire process, you may just contact the Beta Epsilon President at Monmouth College. She should have the full bylaws with that portion of it. Hope this helps!