Family Letters

[sigdelt<3]

So I have an unusual question that I hope somebody can help me with.

I am a new sister in my sorority and i'm loving greek life. A few days after initiation I found out that my dad was in a fraternity (theta chi) back when he was in college. Unfortunately my dad died when I was very young and I now feel I have a new, special bond to him because of greek life.

I wanted to know if it would be ok to wear my dad's letters on a pendant or a lavaliere to keep him close. I know every fraternity is different, but for theta chi is it ok for daughters to wear jewelry with their father's letters on it? Please let me know.

[33girl]

Might I ask why you never knew this until recently?

I mean, if you only found it out now, it's telling me that the fraternity wasn't a big part of his life as the years went on. My friends' kids are all going to know that "Uncle" Tom and Joe and so on were their dad's fraternity brothers...no matter what (God forbid) should happen.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would investigate further (i.e. ask your mom and his friends) before doing anything.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by sigdelt<3

So I have an unusual question that I hope somebody can help me with.

I am a new sister in my sorority and i'm loving greek life. A few days after initiation I found out that my dad was in a fraternity (theta chi) back when he was in college. Unfortunately my dad died when I was very young and I now feel I have a new, special bond to him because of greek life.

I wanted to know if it would be ok to wear my dad's letters on a pendant or a lavaliere to keep him close. I know every fraternity is different, but for theta chi is it ok for daughters to wear jewelry with their father's letters on it? Please let me know.

My condolences for losing your father and especially at a young age. Contact Theta Chi to see what they think. Your dad may have been proud to share this bond with you. However, it depends on Theta Chi's protocol and policies regarding nonmembers wearing letters and symbols.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Might I ask why you never knew this until recently?

I mean, if you only found it out now, it's telling me that the fraternity wasn't a big part of his life as the years went on.

I thought many NPC and NIC members think their GLO is only a college thing.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I thought many NPC and NIC members think their GLO is only a college thing.

There are people who stay involved at all levels (as in being national volunteers, active in alum chapters, etc) throughout their lives.

Then there are people who don't do anything official with the fraternity, but the majority of their close friends (for long after college) are their brothers/sisters.

Then there are people who think the whole thing was just for college, walk away at graduation, and never do anything with the GLO OR the people they met in it again.

I'm saying if she never knew until now, it kind of makes me think he was example 3, not example 1 or 2.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

There are people who stay involved at all levels (as in being national volunteers, active in alum chapters, etc) throughout their lives.

Then there are people who don't do anything official with the fraternity, but the majority of their close friends (for long after college) are their brothers/sisters.

Then there are people who think the whole thing was just for college, walk away at graduation, and never do anything with the GLO OR the people they met in it again.

I'm saying if she never knew until now, it kind of makes me think he was example 3, not example 1 or 2.

Yeah but, even if she could find out which one her father was, does it really matter for what she wants to do?

[melindawarren]

Well, remember her dad died when she was young. Sometimes, these things just don't come up. Her mother may not have been close with the dad's fraternity brothers and they really didn't have any seemingly obvious reason to play a major role in her life after his passing.

PS SigDelt<3, would you happen to be a member of Sigma Delta Tau?

[asking even though it may seem like an obvious one because a few weeks ago, we had LoveSigDelts and I was like, "yay! maybe she's a sister!" and then she wasn't...]

[DubaiSis]

And it could have been a huge thing to Dad and Mom wasn't in a sorority, didn't think that part of his life was a big deal, it never occurred to her to share these stories. Or maybe she HATED those guys and actively kept it a secret from her daughter. There are a lot of scenarios that don't involve him not caring and therefore the daughter shouldn't care.

I would definitely contact Theta Chi headquarters and get their input. Even if you ask an active, they may not have the right answer and will be guessing or going by the local chapter protocol.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yeah but, even if she could find out which one her father was, does it really matter for what she wants to do?

I personally would feel really silly if I found my dad's fraternity pin, got all verklempt about it and got a lavalier and was proudly talking about our bond, and then found out that he got kicked out of the fraternity 6 months after he initiated and never gave back the pin.

If mom would be negative about it at this point in time, and lie to the daughter about it, that's just lousy. Let her suck it up and tell her daughter the real story.

(Oh, and anyone who's cleaned out their parents' house and found a couple surprises knows exactly why I'm saying it's bad to assume.)

[melindawarren]

Personally, I doubt mom was trying to keep a secret. I just don't think she understood its significance, and his brothers and other friends probably didn't play a very large role in his family's life after his passing.

Mom probably didn't realize what a big deal it would be to the daughter, and since it never came up (these things don't tend to randomly come up, especially if the mom thought that a fraternity was like any old club people join in college), it probably didn't come up until she was initiated into her sorority.

I definitely think that the first thing she needs to do is find out about her dad's history with the fraternity, THEN contact HQ to find out if she can wear his lavalier.

And honestly, if it makes her feel connected to her father and there's no rule against it, I see no reason not to support her.

[NutBrnHair]

My Dad was President of his fraternity, but I was unaware of this fact until long after his death. He died when I was 13 -- I never remember him mentioning anything about Greek life. This could have been because the fraternity became defunct -- or actually some chapters became Pi Kappa Alpha, some TKE, etc.

Anyway, I found his fraternity pin quite a few years ago and have worn it on my charm bracelet ever since. It's a very neat connection to have, since I too served as President of my fraternity, and it makes me smile when I wear the bracelet.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by melindawarren

And honestly, if it makes her feel connected to her father and there's no rule against it, I see no reason not to support her.

Oh, if the fraternity says it's OK, I think it's a lovely idea. I personally would just want to know that I was actually supporting something that he supported.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Oh, if the fraternity says it's OK, I think it's a lovely idea. I personally would just want to know that I was actually supporting something that he supported.

And I agree with that. SigDelt<3, start asking questions!