Quote:
Originally posted by SoCalGirl:
James--thank you so much for responding to this ancient post! I was about to write something nearly identical to it!
Why can't guys understand when you just want to be friends!!!!! Don't you boys understand body language???? I mean if a girl keeps trying to take a step back, why the hell do you go in for the kiss????!!!! I'm so annoyed right now. I have to figure out if I can still be a long distance friend w/ this guy after he leaves and not have him expect anything when he returns home.  WHY WHY WHY does this ALWAYS happen!!! 
|
This has to be one of my favorite types of conversation topics because the problems between boys and girls are so prevalent and resolving them are really so important.
IT is cliche to say that love makes the world go 'round . . . but if you look at our culture the vast majority of our mainstream music, tv, and film uses love (and its variations) as a primary theme.
This being said I'll take a stab at SoCalGirl's problem, using some of the general conclusions that we guys have come to (backed by a little research into relationship theory and occasional readings of Cosmo)
.
This part is some background theory . . .
Yes we understand (for the most part) that someone might only want to be friends. Although, we don't always understand what that means.
You forget that many times girls (I am sure boys do it too, but I believe to a lesser degree) cultivate surogate relationships (those "sweet guys" from other posts?) with men that satisfy many of their emotional needs whether they are committed to another intimate relationship or not.
I believe we have all seen some relationships between a boy and a girl that look so much like "couplehood" that its a surprise to here they are just "friends". And sometimes its even more surprising when we discover the girl has a boyfriend!
I don't know what girls think when they see that but we boys see it as Chris Rock's "Penis under glass". And I have seen some potentially good relationships ruined because the person in the glass clase had too much influence. As we know, subtle influences can kill a relationship.
Back on track here . . . if you guys communicated a lot, and bonded he might very well have begun to cherish some romantic thoughts towards you. This would be normal.
Especially if you were sharing and bantering in a similar way that we are "supposed to" (what is supposed to happen and what does rarely equal) with our significant other.
Also, long distance relationship can be even more emotionally intense because its hard to screw up from far away, and since many normal conversation clues usually aren't there like body-language and tone of voice we can ascribe more meaning to communications than might have been intended. The person is easy to idealize and fall for.
A little more specific . . .
Yes he probably read your body language right but didn't want to accept it. And if he never tried he would never know (assuming he isn't one of us boys that just ALWAYS tries).
And of course you can go back to be long distance friends . . . that is if he wants to AFTER you tell him you don't want to be anything else.
That is all you have to do, say listen I am not sure what is going on here, but I think your awesome and I want us to be great friends. Remember there is no "nice" way to tell someone you don't like them. That goes for break-ups too. You just have to leave them with NO doubt, and hope he isn't a stalker
Well this is getting long if you (or anyone) have any other questions about the male psyche, like we don't take the trash out or leave the toilet seat up, just address it to Dear James
and my team of able researchers will examine the problem
boys
I'm sorry SHSUChiO. If you ever need to talk...
Linear Mode
