Always a PNM, never a sister.

[SoccerSweetie22]

Hi everyone!

Since coming to college, I've wanted to join a sorority. I rushed my freshman and sophomore years, but did not receive any bids. There are six sororities on my campus and I am a legacy for one of them. (My sister went to a different school though)

Both times I wondered why I did not receive a bid. Was my hair too frizzy? Was my laugh a little too obnoxious? Did I seem too innocent or shy? How important is my weight? I was very confused to say the least.

Earlier this year, however, I received my answer. My freshman year I lived in a dorm with a young woman who was in a sorority, and before recruitment that year, she wrote a letter to someone higher up in the Greek system saying that I do not uphold the morals and values of sisterhood. She wrote this letter after only knowing me for a few (3) months, but her complaint has negatively affected my chances for receiving a bid. I get along great with all of her sisters and many of them spoke highly of me to their President and about offering me a bid. However, their President spoke to my former roommate and the young woman stood firm. This was very disappointing, especially because I don't have a problem with her. (Side note: Every sorority has good qualities and I am not closed off to any of them, nor do I feel any bias because of my legacy. I want to be a part of a sorority for the sisterhood. I couldn't care less about top/bottom house rankings.)

My question to the Greek community is this:

Should I go through recruitment again? In your opinion, would it be a waste of time or could things be different this time around? I'm asking because all (or most) of you have been a part of the selection process, you know what is and what isn't important. I respect the confidentiality of the selection process and in no way am I asking for insider secrets. I just want to know your thoughts about my chances based on the things you've encountered. I know it won't be 100% accurate because you don't know me, but should I pay the fee and devote another weekend to going Greek? Or should I save myself from another round of rejection and look for other ways to get involved on campus?

I go through recruitment again, here is a list of my pros and cons

Pros
- 3.77 GPA, Honors Program
- Letters of Rec from my legacy sister and Panhellenic President at my school
- I can pay my dues. I'm not a 1%er, but I'm pretty well off (Well, family is)
- I know more people in the Greek System
- I've been told I'm a very funny and likable person, and I would like very much to be involved in the Greek system

Cons
-The letter from my former roommate
-I'm going into my third year
-My weight (I'm lighter than last year, but it could still be a concern)

[DubaiSis]

Other than this one chapter, what about you has changed that would give the others a reason to pledge you? Is this a campus that makes a habit of pledging juniors? Whether or not your weight will be a concern is beyond what any of us can say.

But the biggest thing is I think you need to sit down with yourself and really think about how you are perceived by others, not by just this one girl who was so mean. You have the credentials that would make you eligible; do the sorority women LIKE you or merely tolerate you? These are tough questions to ask yourself and tougher to get honest answers about. If you want to give it one last shot, go for it. And then it's time to let it go and find other activities to fill up the blank spaces in your life. Good luck with whatever you choose to do next.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

Hi everyone!

Since coming to college, I've wanted to join a sorority. I rushed my freshman and sophomore years, but did not receive any bids. There are six sororities on my campus and I am a legacy for one of them. (My sister went to a different school though)

Both times I wondered why I did not receive a bid. Was my hair too frizzy? Was my laugh a little too obnoxious? Did I seem too innocent or shy? How important is my weight? I was very confused to say the least.

Earlier this year, however, I received my answer. My freshman year I lived in a dorm with a young woman who was in a sorority, and before recruitment that year, she wrote a letter to someone higher up in the Greek system saying that I do not uphold the morals and values of sisterhood. She wrote this letter after only knowing me for a few (3) months, but her complaint has negatively affected my chances for receiving a bid. I get along great with all of her sisters and many of them spoke highly of me to their President and about offering me a bid. However, their President spoke to my former roommate and the young woman stood firm. This was very disappointing, especially because I don't have a problem with her. (Side note: Every sorority has good qualities and I am not closed off to any of them, nor do I feel any bias because of my legacy. I want to be a part of a sorority for the sisterhood. I couldn't care less about top/bottom house rankings.)

My question to the Greek community is this:

Should I go through recruitment again? In your opinion, would it be a waste of time or could things be different this time around? I'm asking because all (or most) of you have been a part of the selection process, you know what is and what isn't important. I respect the confidentiality of the selection process and in no way am I asking for insider secrets. I just want to know your thoughts about my chances based on the things you've encountered. I know it won't be 100% accurate because you don't know me, but should I pay the fee and devote another weekend to going Greek? Or should I save myself from another round of rejection and look for other ways to get involved on campus?

I go through recruitment again, here is a list of my pros and cons

Pros
- 3.77 GPA, Honors Program
- Letters of Rec from my legacy sister and Panhellenic President at my school
- I can pay my dues. I'm not a 1%er, but I'm pretty well off (Well, family is)
- I know more people in the Greek System
- I've been told I'm a very funny and likable person, and I would like very much to be involved in the Greek system

Cons
-The letter from my former roommate
-I'm going into my third year
-My weight (I'm lighter than last year, but it could still be a concern)

Question: How do you know that she wrote said letter?

Ask yourself: What is different about me this time around that would make things turn out differently than they did the last 2 times?

Other things: Is your school such that a re-rusher has a decent chance at getting a bid? If it's not, you may be out of luck.

Other things to note:

Your desirability as PNM also goes far beyond your grades, weight, and ability to pay dues. There's more to it than that. Particularly your personality.

Also, having friends in a chapter only works in your favor if these friends actually WANT you as part of their chapter. I had plenty of friends in undergrad whom I LOVED, but didn't think they'd make good Sigmas.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

Hi everyone!

Since coming to college, I've wanted to join a sorority. I rushed my freshman and sophomore years, but did not receive any bids. There are six sororities on my campus and I am a legacy for one of them. (My sister went to a different school though)

Both times I wondered why I did not receive a bid. Was my hair too frizzy? Was my laugh a little too obnoxious? Did I seem too innocent or shy? How important is my weight? I was very confused to say the least.

Earlier this year, however, I received my answer. My freshman year I lived in a dorm with a young woman who was in a sorority, and before recruitment that year, she wrote a letter to someone higher up in the Greek system saying that I do not uphold the morals and values of sisterhood. She wrote this letter after only knowing me for a few (3) months, but her complaint has negatively affected my chances for receiving a bid. I get along great with all of her sisters and many of them spoke highly of me to their President and about offering me a bid. However, their President spoke to my former roommate and the young woman stood firm. This was very disappointing, especially because I don't have a problem with her. (Side note: Every sorority has good qualities and I am not closed off to any of them, nor do I feel any bias because of my legacy. I want to be a part of a sorority for the sisterhood. I couldn't care less about top/bottom house rankings.)

My question to the Greek community is this:

Should I go through recruitment again? In your opinion, would it be a waste of time or could things be different this time around? I'm asking because all (or most) of you have been a part of the selection process, you know what is and what isn't important. I respect the confidentiality of the selection process and in no way am I asking for insider secrets. I just want to know your thoughts about my chances based on the things you've encountered. I know it won't be 100% accurate because you don't know me, but should I pay the fee and devote another weekend to going Greek? Or should I save myself from another round of rejection and look for other ways to get involved on campus?

I go through recruitment again, here is a list of my pros and cons

Pros
- 3.77 GPA, Honors Program
- Letters of Rec from my legacy sister and Panhellenic President at my school
- I can pay my dues. I'm not a 1%er, but I'm pretty well off (Well, family is)
- I know more people in the Greek System
- I've been told I'm a very funny and likable person, and I would like very much to be involved in the Greek system

Cons
-The letter from my former roommate
-I'm going into my third year
-My weight (I'm lighter than last year, but it could still be a concern)

I call troll or someone is feeding you a complete line of hooey. Or you're not telling the entire truth. There is so much wrong here.

There is no one 'higher up in the Greek system' who can receive a letter and ban you from getting a bid to all sororities.

First the letter was from someone on your hall. Then it's from a former roommate.

The Panhellenic president at your school can't write a letter of rec for someone at her school. Even if she could, it could only be for one sorority.

[SoccerSweetie22]

Both of you brought up very good points, so thank you!

I think I have a great personality. People always tell me that I should be a comedian and that I'm really smart/they want to study with me, etc. I go to parties and I can let loose (not too loose, I pride myself on keeping things classy). I'm always myself. That's the best and most frequent compliment I receive. A lot of my friends tell me that they wish they were as comfortable with themselves as I am with myself. I could go on and list a bunch of traits that I think make me a desirable candidate, but I think I'm a little bias! I acknowledge I have flaws though. Everyone does.

DubaiSis: To answer your questions..

Things that have changed: I've met more members who do seem to like hanging out with me. We have fun and make plans regularly. My GPA went from a 3.2 to a 3.7, I did not have any letters of rec before, my campus had pledged seniors (so i guess there's some hope!) And these past couple of years being in college I've changed as a person. I started working on myself (excercising, for example) I set goals and I achieve them (4.0 semester GPA), and I've been improving myself so I can be the me I want to be. I don't "need" the Greek system, but I like everything that it stands for and I think that I can contribute just as many positive things to the Greek Community as it can contribute to me. I want to get involved in philanthropic causes, earn leadership positions, and empower women to take control of their lives/love themselves. We all have that one friend who can't function with out the love of a guy. Well I can, and I want female friends who can do the same. Sisters before misters, always. (No pun intended!) My sister made some amazing friends in her sorority and I'm hoping to do the same.

KSUViolet06:
I found out that she wrote the letter through mutual friends because she was talking about. It was later confirmed by my friend in her sorority who was present during a conversation my former roommate had with her sorority's president. She did not want to withdraw her complaint. I think I answered your other questions above And thank you for that last bit, I didn't really think of that but you make a very go

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

my campus had pledged seniors (so i guess there's some hope!)

Ok, but were these seniors who had previously been released from recruitment 2 times?

An upperclassman with no recruitment history is a different situation than one who went through before with no bid.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

What happened during your first two tries? Were you dropped from every house on day one? Or did you go all the way through pref at the maximum number of chapters and then end up without a bid? Or something in between?

I'm trying to make sense out of your story, because I don't understand how this letter would have affected your chance at more than one chapter.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

(snip)
I'm trying to make sense out of your story, because I don't understand how this letter would have affected your chance at more than one chapter.

I can absolutely see how the letter affected the sophomore recruitment. As they say, everybody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows the President. If one person told one other person, be assured that at least one person in every sorority knew about that letter within a day or two.

[SoccerSweetie22]

GreekorGeek,

Sorry, I don't think i was very clear. I can assure you I'm not a troll.

My former roommate lived in my dorm. We didn't live in traditional dorms. We lived in fully furnished on campus apartments. We just call them dorms. So she was my roommate, or "suite" mate as some people call it. We lived in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath apartment on campus.

The Panhellenic President at my school offered to write me a letter of rec for recruitment, I don't know the specific rules so perhaps it is for one sorority. I'm just going from what I was told. When she asked me if I would be interested in rushing again, she offered. When she found out about the same thing I did with my former roommate (she did digging because she heard I received a bid from the sorority but turned it down) she could not officially confirm or deny if we knew the same thing, but it's very likely that the XYZ member was telling the truth about writing the letter. I do not know who XYZ wrote the letter to, but was told that it was above her head when my friend who is the pres tried to get me a bid and said it was "politics" and that I didn't do anything wrong, it was just someone being stubborn and holding a grudge.

I don't think I'm banned from all the sororities, but it is like a scarlet letter on my application.

Member from XYZ wrote a letter to someone in the Greek system two years ago. Other girls in XYZ told the XYZ president I should join. XYZ President talked to my former roommate/suitemate. Roomie told XYZ Pres that she will not withdraw her letter and that if I am offered a bid, she will drop. XYZ Sorority sister of XYZ roomie was present during this conversation.

Sorry for any confusion, hope this cleared things up. I have nothing to hide or lie about, I was just royally screwed over. Or at least that's how it feels :/

[SoccerSweetie22]

KSUViolet: No, I don't believe so.

DeltaBetaBaby: My first year I was called back to two houses on day two, and my second year I was called back to three. I never made it past day two (house tours). I have been called back to 4 of the 6 sororities. First year, XYZ, YY. Second year, XYZ, ABC, DEF. Hope that makes sense? Never went to pref.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

Hi everyone!

Since coming to college, I've wanted to join a sorority. I rushed my freshman and sophomore years, but did not receive any bids.

and

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

GreekorGeek,

When she found out about the same thing I did with my former roommate (she did digging because she heard I received a bid from the sorority but
talked to my former roommate/suitemate.

and herein would lie our confusion and doubt.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by carnation

and herein would lie our confusion and doubt.

Exactly. One would have to completely buy into the concept that:

A. An active in a sorority would have to write a letter to her chapter to no rec a PNM.

B. Said letter is shared with all sororities and has such a horrible impact that it would shake the entire Panhellenic system at her school to its core, making her the recruitment pariah. The effect of that letter is felt over multiple recruitments.

C. Multiple sorority members, including the Panhellenic president, are willing to share membership selection information with the pariah.

D. Panhellenic president can write a recommendation to her (or all) chapters. Even though she's an active member.

It just doesn't add up. Either sorority members are making up excuses because the pariah won't leave them alone or the pariah has done something so heinous that everyone at a small school knows about it and the pariah is leaving out key facts or living in denial.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by Greek_or_Geek?

It just doesn't add up. Either sorority members are making up excuses because the pariah won't leave them alone or the pariah has done something so heinous that everyone at a small school knows about it and the pariah is leaving out key facts or living in denial.

I can't wrap my head around the OP's situation. Or, as I often say, I can't connect the dots. It's too convoluted.

I'm with Greek_or_Geek.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by Greek_or_Geek?

the pariah is leaving out key facts or living in denial.

This.

Originally Posted by AzTheta

I can't connect the dots. It's too convoluted.

She hasn't given us enough information to connect the dots. I don't think anyone could figure this out without more to go on.

SoccerSweetie22, just be honest here. What was in that letter?

[AOII Angel]

I completely agree. Nothing adds up. There were always girls that we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole that we would be happy to see infect our competitor (yeah, panhellism only goes so far.) so I just doubt that this one letter would stop EVERY group from giving her a chance. Something else is going on.

ETA: from the description of your results the first two years, what ever the reason, this isn't going to happen for you. I'm sorry, I really am, but you haven't even made it to the pref round. As a junior, your odds are not improving...and you are known. Continue your involvement in other campus orgs, make friends and enjoy life. A sorority is not the only way to have a meaningful college experience.