Child to Parent

[Professor]

What would you really like to tell your parents about their parenting skills?

My mother thinks she is always right. She apologies rarely to me or my brother even when she is wrong. I sometimes wonder if she understands how I feel when she just lets stuff go and never says anything.

My mother won't go anywhere without my father. It drives me crazy. I can offer her a trip to lala land and the first question will be is your father going - lol.

I love my mother and we have a wonderful relationship but sometimes I just don't get her.

[Jamal5000]

Great Question, Professor.

I think I would tell my parents:

1. Spanking is not always the solution.

2. Discuss, discuss, and discuss conflicts and solutions.

3. Model the right behavior. (If Daddy is rude, then I'm suppose to end up as a mannerable man???)


I'm nervous about raising my own child even though I work with 4-year olds everyday.

[ziasha07]

Originally Posted by Professor

What would you really like to tell your parents about their parenting skills?

My mother thinks she is always right. She apologies rarely to me or my brother even when she is wrong. I sometimes wonder if she understands how I feel when she just lets stuff go and never says anything.

My mother won't go anywhere without my father. It drives me crazy. I can offer her a trip to lala land and the first question will be is your father going - lol.

I love my mother and we have a wonderful relationship but sometimes I just don't get her.

1. Yelling is not always necessary.

2. If you want me to be an adult treat me as an adult. Likewise, if you want me to be a child, treat me as a child, but please, be consistent.

3. Would letting me out of the house (without you) or driving me somewhere every once in a while really be all that bad?

[darling1]

based upon your post you are addressing two different issues. relative to how she deals with you, tell her how you feel respectfully. you are an adult and it is acceptable to feel that you need to share with her how she does not take responsibility for her actions and its affect on you. if this is an ongoing issue then you may need to come to a point of acceptance and then move on, dealing with her in light of this short coming.

when it comes to how your mother relates to your father, its none of your business. you are not married to your mother and it is your dad's responsibility to reign her in on this issue.

my mother has been with a man who is disliked by the entire family and has done nothing but caused strife. personally, i wish he would go away. however, he is with my mother so, if she is happy then i am happy. the only time i say anything regarding him, is when she attempts to treat him as if he were a parent to me or a relative of my children. that is where i draw the line and reign her in.

Originally Posted by Professor

What would you really like to tell your parents about their parenting skills?

My mother thinks she is always right. She apologies rarely to me or my brother even when she is wrong. I sometimes wonder if she understands how I feel when she just lets stuff go and never says anything.

My mother won't go anywhere without my father. It drives me crazy. I can offer her a trip to lala land and the first question will be is your father going - lol.

I love my mother and we have a wonderful relationship but sometimes I just don't get her.

[darling1]

raising your child and teaching someone else's child may be two different things. you will see how different your approach is with a life you helped to create. as a dad, you could be much more protective. just take your time

Originally Posted by Jamal5000

Great Question, Professor.

I think I would tell my parents:

1. Spanking is not always the solution.

2. Discuss, discuss, and discuss conflicts and solutions.

3. Model the right behavior. (If Daddy is rude, then I'm suppose to end up as a mannerable man???)


I'm nervous about raising my own child even though I work with 4-year olds everyday.

[PhrozenGod01]

I have to say my parents couldn't have raised me better. Compared to what is out there, they sacrificed really hard to give me resources and advantages that other people would kill to have.

However, keeping with the purpose of the thread, I would have to let my mom know that religion shouldn't be used as a tool to justify debatable actions. Growing up, if my mom faced a decision, she would justify her decision by telling me that God told her to do or not to do something. If I objected or felt differently about the subject, she acted as if I was rejecting God, and punished me severely, even if the decision dealt with something relatively unimportant Although it forced me to be obedient at the time, once I got to college, rebellion came easy.

[AKA_Monet]

My folks... Well... My mom still harps on me about my looks, weight, dress even though I am almost 40 years old. My dad harps on me about stupid stuff too then says foul stuff to me about my husband where I am too shocked to retort and if I did, I would say something I would regret later.

I love my parents, but what has happened to me in my life, I am reminded of my anger towards them. What do they owe me? Nothing. Do I deserve some sort of apology? Probably not. But, for ignorance to continue...

About some of the best things in my life that have happened to me is meeting my husband and marry him. I have become more independent from them than anything.

I guess, what I am upset with my folks about is their prying and meddling even though I am nearly 40 years old.

[Phrozen1ne]

1. Everything isn't about you.
2. Stop making everything about you.
3. You don't have to yell to get your point across.
4. You don't need to throw the many sacrifices you made for me in my face, I do appreciate you mom.
5. Dad, since when does being a father, not a dad (there is a difference) every ten years of my life warrant a father's day gift?

[mulattogyrl]

You could have been a little more strict with me.

You could have left out a little more detail about your past.

You could have been a little less open and honest about some things.

I could have been less exposed to certain things.


Then again, that exposure/honesty/freedom made me the person I am today. So thank you, lol.

[DSTKellie]

Wow this topic has really stirred up some emotions and feelings in me that I thought I suppressed. I now realize that I still have some animosity and pain against my mother for things that happened to me in my childhood. I love both of my parents to death; make no mistake about that. Although my mother did not verbally, or physically assault me I picked up a lot her opinions about me from the opinions of herself. Parents need to be careful of what they say, how they act and what they do because children are watching and they are developing a sense of what is right and what is wrong based on your actions and speech.

I always thought as a child that being fat was a bad thing not necessarily because my mother said it but because she was ALWAYS obsessing over how how much she weighed.

I had to constantly hear about how fat she was or how fat she is, or how fat she can't be, how many calories are in this meal, she needs to lose weight...and the list could on. By the way my mother has never weighed more than 140lbs and she is 5'7. I realized now that is the reason why I have such low self-esteem. I am standing at 5'9 and I've gain soo much weight when I was pregnant with my twin boys. When my boys were born they both weight 7lbs! It has been such a battle to get back into my size 6-8; I am now a good solid size 12. People tell me that I look great but I don't feel that way. My mother constantly comments about how much weight I picked up from being pregnant. She said "In a year that weight will be off and you will LOOK great again"...3 days after my sons were born.

Thanks God for my husband who could careless if I am a size 4 or 20. But my suggestion to parents especially mothers becareful not to obsess with weight especially in front your daughters. I know I just vented but I just needed to say that.

[teena]

Originally Posted by Professor

What would you really like to tell your parents about their parenting skills?

1.My mother thinks she is always right. She apologies rarely to me or my brother even when she is wrong. I sometimes wonder if she understands how I feel when she just lets stuff go and never says anything.


I love my mother and we have a wonderful relationship but sometimes I just don't get her.

Dont discount my feelings. I am a grown woman with a family.

2. Stop trying to live through me. You did what you wanted to do. Now Im doing what I want to do.

[TonyB06]

...despite what I thought I knew, yall were on point with it. Thank You.

[Maestro1]

My grandfather worked at the post office and had 13 kids, my father being the oldest. He was a parent at 18 and never looked back. He did the best job he could of raising his kids, but he was honest with all of them.

When my father and mother conceived my brother at the young age of 17 & 18 respectively. He told my father it was time to find him a place to live for him, his wife, and his kids. That they couldn't live under his roof because he already had enough mouths to feed. Sounds cruel, but when he was 18 his parents told him the same thing.

I didn't have my first kid until I was 28. At the time I was living under my own roof, had a wife already and my parents didn't have to tell me to move out. I love my kids, and most likely when they leave to go off to college, depending on where they go...I might just move there to be closer to them, all while giving them their personal space.

Unfortunately, many people get caught up in this cycle of raising their kids like they were raised. I admire the job my parents did, but I want so much more for my kids and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My parents have always told me to strive to be a better parent than they were for their children.

But I'll never forget the blueprint laid before me either. Make some changes to the blueprint if necessary, but lay the foundation PHIRST!
I was given food, shelter, clothing and LOVE. I received butt whoopings galore, but I was never physically or mentally abused. I know why I got every one of them, and they made me the MAN I am today.

I love and respect my parents for their faults, as well as their redeeming qualities. I hope my kids will do the same because nobody's perfect!

Just my .06 cents!

[nonchalant]

Originally Posted by Professor

What would you really like to tell your parents about their parenting skills?

My mother thinks she is always right.

I love my mother and we have a wonderful relationship but sometimes I just don't get her.

These are things that I can emphatize with. My mother always has to be right even if she knows she is wrong. Now here's my list.

Mother
1. Your attitude is horrible, and it reflects how your children turned out.

2. You kept us too trapped and sheltered. That is why we're all bad now.

3. Show more love and affection. This is why more than half of us can't keep a good man.

4. Stop being a hypocrite. Practice what you preach.

Father
1. You let mother run over you too much. Stand up for yourself and make your own decisions pertaining to us.


That felt good. I need a cocktail and a hug.

[sAKAsfaction]

Mama:

1. I really appreciate you always telling me what a great daughter I am, and letting me know that the world is full of opportunities that I deserve a shot at... Many kids don't get the support they need, and never even feel like they have a chance at succeeding at life.

2. Thank you for never talking smack about daddy after the divorce, and letting me form my own opinions.

3. I wish you had higher self -esteem and knew what a beautiful person you are. You are your own worst enemy sometimes... and most of the time you deserve better than you think.

Daddy:

1. I wish things had turned out differently, but you made your bed, now lay. One day you will regret your choices, but I refuse to be around for you to let them damage me.

2. Don't EVER take credit for ANY of my successes in my life.


That felt GOOD.