Rec for my sister

[CrimsonBlues]

My sister is going to be a sophomore at the university from which I've just graduated. She went through recruitment last year at this school while I was still active in my chapter. As much as I privately wanted her to pledge my chapter, I did encourage her to follow her own heart. She ended up dropping my house for pref. Unfortunately, she placed with her third-ranked choice and, after giving it a shot for a few weeks, decided that the chapter wasn't a good fit for her. Now, she is seriously considering re-rushing at our university.

My sister is an intelligent, friendly and attractive young woman with a fantastic GPA and an acceptable record of extracurricular involvement. However, though my school is a midwestern school that doesn't feature a cutthroat recruitment, our recruitment is still decently competitive, and, to be honest, most women who depledge their sororities freshman year do not seem to participate in formal recruitment again. I imagine it will be difficult to impossible for her to obtain a bid from a competitive chapter, given her situation. Realistically, there is probably only one other chapter besides mine from which she could expect to have a decent chance of receiving a bid. Through her experience last year and her year on campus, she has developed a more mature outlook. Last year, she was intimidated by my chapter's negative reputation, and, like the vast majority of wide-eyed freshman pnms, sought membership in a chapter that was seen as "desirable." This year, she understands the limitations that will naturally apply to someone in her situation, and she would (belatedly) like to pursue the experience of sisterhood without regard for reputations and "tent talk." She is still not sure that my chapter is for her, but she would like to approach the possibility with an open mind.

My chapter is "struggling" a bit, and, under any other circumstances, would jump at the chance to bid a woman like her. She has not done anything directly to any of my sisters. However, there was a small (but very vocal) contingent last year who firmly believed that she should unquestionably pledge my chapter, and that her decision not to pref there was a huge insult (in spite of my repeated explanations that we are different people and that she is entitled to follow her own path). Some of them have graduated, but a few remain, and my fear is that they will maintain this attitude and push to release my sister as soon as is allowable.

Obviously, the decision to invite my sister back to recruitment parties is wholly and completely up to the discretion of my active chapter sisters, and I would never presume to dictate otherwise. However, I would hate for the opinions of a few vindictive sisters to hold sway, especially when the majority of my chapter sisters thought very highly of my biological sister last year. Unfortunately, I have reason to believe that my fear is well-founded, judging by their effect on recruitment in years past.

The point of this long-winded post is to ask if it would be helpful or even appropriate to write a recommendation for my sister, since I will not be there to take her part. Ordinarily, it would be completely unnecessary, since all but the most recent pledge class are well aware of who my sister is. I feel that perhaps I could use the recommendation letter to play up my sister's qualities while briefly explaining that she has learned from her experience last year, is approaching recruitment with a more mature outlook this year, and is seriously considering our chapter. However, I wonder if such a letter will bring negative attention to my sister's recruitment. In this delicate situation, would it be a good idea to send something to my chapter in support of my sister, or should I let the chips fall where they may?

[KSUViolet06]

I had to edit this because silly me didn't read your post all the way through!

I'm sure a rec couldn't hurt her.

[CrimsonBlues]

They did not release her last year; she received more than the maximum number of invitations to pref and chose not to attend my chapter's. Sorry for the confusion!

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If they already know her, and cut her last year, I doubt a rec would help her this time around.

She cut them.

I would write her a recommendation for your chapter, it can absolutely do her no harm.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by _Lisa_

She cut them.

I would write her a recommendation for your chapter, it can absolutely do her no harm.

Should I briefly acknowledge what happened last year/her "maturation" then, or just gloss over it and talk up her many positive qualities?

[adpiucf]

Write her a rec and keep in mind that the vocal minority last year are even more minor this year-- the majority of your sisters rushing on the floor will be from last year's pledge class.

It's up to your sister and the chapter from here. I understand your wanting what is best for her, but you can only do so much and she's going to have to go through some bumps in the road now that she is an adult. If your chapter is struggling numbers-wise, they will likely to do all they can to make those numbers. In this situation, pledging a legacy would probably be high on the list of priorities toward meeting this goal. In rhis case, there would be some pressure from your higher-ups to pledge interested legacies and pressure to not release them.

Take her to lunch or send her a special gift (maybe a bracelet) as a "Good luck" with recruitment send-off. And best of luck to you both!

[AOII Angel]

I think writing a rec that explained exactly what you explained to us would be as much as you can do for her. She made her choices last year that unfortunately may color her future rush. It's a shame that we force difficult decisions on young women and expect them to makes the "right" choice or else. Tell her to be humble and to not take offense when people bring up topics such as loyalty to her group, loyalty to her sister (you), etc. It's going to happen, and she won't do herself any favors by getting defensive. Butter your sisters up a bit too. Let them know how much you love your sisterhood with them and how much you would love the same with your biological sister if given the chance. After that, it's out of your hands. Sorority life is not the end all be all, so if it doesn't work out, be prepared to comfort your sister and offer alternatives.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Write her a rec. I can't talk about exactly why this is a good idea without giving away MS info, but there are policies that favor alumnae recs that even most active members are not aware of. So even if you think your chapter is bidding women without recs, they may not be. Sorry, this is cryptic, but the point is that it can't hurt.