Being a snoop?

ThetaGrrl · #1 01-07-2004, 01:56 PM

Uhm, so has anyone ever snooped through a significant other's email, and found something that seemed dishonest? And if so, did you say anything, or refrain because you were being the nosy one to begin with?

I'm caught in a pretty big dilemma right now, after seeing an email in my fiance's account that seems sorta sketchy...

mu_agd · #2 01-07-2004, 02:08 PM

i never have. however, a girl my friend was dating did that. she found an email from me and took it completely the wrong way. then responded pretending to be him and then bitched me out. it was fun. not really, considering she had absolutely nothing to be suspicious about. needless to say, it lead to him breaking up with her since he felt he couldn't trust her. i guess it wasn't the first time that she signed in and read his email.

texas*princess · #3 01-07-2004, 02:41 PM

that's a super tough one

i sincerely hope everything turns out ok...i hate these kinds of situations b/c if you say something, he will probably get mad that you read his email... and if you don't, the possibility could be there that he's playing you for a fool.

I really hope nothing bad happens

honeychile · #4 01-07-2004, 02:53 PM

You're not going to like this, but IMHO, once you've stooped to snooping, you've lost the right to say much about what you've found.

Now, if you decide to break it off due to something you've read, I wouldn't fault you for doing so.

ThetaGrrl · #5 01-07-2004, 03:06 PM

The bottom line is, it's a cheating issue.

What's funny, is that there's so many different kinds of dishonestly/cheating. I mean, emotionally cheating seems almost as bad as physical. So, while there might not be any proof of physically cheating, the fact that I read this email from another girl (and I checked the email on purpose, because I did have some suspicions) who is married, by the way, and they are talking about things he's never even told me about... I don't know, it's enough to make me suspicious.

And now what's worse, is I don't want to be dishonest...

madmax · #6 01-07-2004, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaGrrl
Uhm, so has anyone ever snooped through a significant other's email, and found something that seemed dishonest? And if so, did you say anything, or refrain because you were being the nosy one to begin with?

I'm caught in a pretty big dilemma right now, after seeing an email in my fiance's account that seems sorta sketchy...

I think you should contact the TV show Cheaters and have them follow him around.

PhiPsiRuss · #7 01-07-2004, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
You're not going to like this, but IMHO, once you've stooped to snooping, you've lost the right to say much about what you've found.

I agree.

Also, once you've reached this point, your relationship is already over because you don't trust him. You're just not ready to enter the mourning process that often comes with the end of a meaningful relationship.

adpialumcsuc · #8 01-07-2004, 04:37 PM

I had this happen to me but I wasn't really snooping. He asked me to check his e-mail for some information that he needed and there was an e-mail from some girl. He claimed that he was just e-mailing her to be friends but the boy doesn't have issues making friends on his own, why would be need to make cyber friends. Anyways that was years ago but I confronted him right away because I wasn't about to hang around if that was what he was going to be doing.

Rudey · #9 01-07-2004, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by madmax
I think you should contact the TV show Cheaters and have them follow him around.

haha this is the best comment. That show rocks.

-Rudey
--All's fair in love and war.

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 01-07-2004, 05:23 PM

My friend found some incriminating things are her fiance's computer and confronted him. They broke up. You need to decide what outcome you want before you confront him. Is he actually cheating? Do you want to break up? I think that by snooping you lost some credibility, but you seem to have a valid reason for snooping. The whole situation is sad.

GeekyPenguin · #11 01-07-2004, 05:27 PM

I found out a guy cheated on me this way. He wasn't too happy about it, but he wasn't planning on telling me using the "What happens in Cancun stays in Cancun" philosophy. Needless to say, we're no longer together, and I don't regret it.

texas*princess · #12 01-07-2004, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
but he wasn't planning on telling me using the "What happens in Cancun stays in Cancun" philosophy.

completely off topic, but I hate that more than anything else....

sugar and spice · #13 01-07-2004, 06:13 PM

Situations like this are tough because if you confront him about his "cheating" and he's not actually doing it, he'll have lost all trust in you, and if you don't confront him, whether or not he's cheating you'll have lost trust in him, and if you do confront him and it is doing it he'll feel justified because you were stooping to low levels when you found out.

Probably the best plan of action at this point is to see if you can find any other indications that he's cheating on you and then ask him about those, instead of bringing up the email.

And as with any case of perceived "emotional cheating," you have to ask yourself if your expectations are unreasonable. Obviously we have no clue what the details of your situation are like so we can't weigh in. But there's a world of difference between putting out an internet personal ad so you can chat with women who email you naked pictures of themselves, versus writing an email to your best friend of the opposite sex and signing it "Love ya" -- but you will find women who will get upset by the latter.

texas*princess · #14 01-07-2004, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Situations like this are tough because if you confront him about his "cheating" and he's not actually doing it, he'll have lost all trust in you, and if you don't confront him, whether or not he's cheating you'll have lost trust in him, and if you do confront him and it is doing it he'll feel justified because you were stooping to low levels when you found out.

that's so sad but true

winnieb · #15 01-07-2004, 11:44 PM

You are in a tough situation to be in. Before you decide to confront or not to confront him you need to decide what the right outcome is for you.
If you want to continue the relationship and forget it happened, the easiest way would be to never bring it up.
If you decide to confront him--decide why you are confronting him-- to end the relationship or use this time to improve the relationship.

It will be difficult no matter what you do. My best friend found an email (on the family account) to her husband from another woman. After reading the email is was clear (w/o a dount) her husband was having an affair--that had been on going. She confronted him with a yellow pages opened to divorce attorneys. He came clean, promised to end the relationship, and they worked through it. It is an on going process from them. They have their moments where things aren't good-- but they are trying to work through it. For them it is alot of work and a lot of commitment.

Good luck.