Convenient Relationship

Boodleboy322 · #1 07-10-2006, 08:50 PM

So I've been dating the same girl for months and have yet to waltz the last dance.

I know now that I'm a victim of a convenient relationship.

A few months ago I read an article during a business trip that SO described me on an airplane ride in the Mid West. It was primarily an advertisement for a "singles recruiting service" that was founded by some big wig lady who used to recruit professionals in a Fortune 500 company. She quit her day gig to begin this service. The article said that most divorces in America are triggered by relationships that are bound by convenience. When a young professional is fresh out of school and begins a career the individual tends to focus on his or her new job with sincerity and determination. Working the ladder of success requires devotion and much sacrifice. This why you typically see a lot of single young men and women on Wall Street. In the event that one of these professionals finds a date that is somewhat tolerable then he or she engages in one another and create a type of escalation continuum. The escalation continuum is primarily nourished by the need for having a partner and maintaining a relationship. When both individuals work full-time and spend limited time with one another it's easy to get blinded, have casual sex, and fulfill each other's needs. This is a primary conductor of this type of escalation continuum. What ends up happening is that eventually the couple gets married and may even have kids. However, many of these individuals don't begin to realize that they're not really that compatible until it's too late. As ambitious men and women we are willing to sacrifice some to fulfill a separate need. This is a simple give or take model and its human nature.

This is me. Anyone here in a convenient relationship or have any advice how to move forward?

Drolefille · #2 07-10-2006, 08:56 PM

Well, do you want to move forward? It's only a bad thing if you want more, or if she wants more. Maybe it's time to have that talk... "What are you looking for because I want _____"

Boodleboy322 · #3 07-10-2006, 09:32 PM

I really don't want to stay with this person forever and want to find "The One". I could easily see us getting married in a few years out of convenience and then getting divorced a few years after.

Fraternally,

Boodleboy322

Drolefille · #4 07-10-2006, 11:34 PM

If you don't think this is the One, why go as far as marriage? I'd say you need to back out now before you do just get hitched for the hell of it. And that's expensive, so is divorce.

Plus, 3 more years with someone you don't really love and want to spend your life with is 3 years you could be missing out on with someone else.

texas*princess · #5 07-10-2006, 11:59 PM

If you don't think this is the one, cut your losses and move on.

I saw many many friends get married right out of college and even high school just because it was the next thing to do when they graduated.

Out of all of them who got married, most of them lasted maybe 2 years tops before they got the Big D.

My last boyfriend and I dated FOR-E-VER. Almost 5 years to be exact. And we were quasi-together for a year after that until I said enough was enough. If I hadn't cut the cord, it is very likely that we would have gotten married just because it was the next level to take it to, or I would have stayed with him forever waiting for marriage.

Either scenario wasn't appealing, so I left.. and left quickly.

RU OX Alum · #6 07-11-2006, 10:26 AM

dump her now, she's the reason taxes are so high

adpiucf · #7 07-11-2006, 10:36 AM

I'd break it off. Better to be single and putting yourself out there so you may both meet the ones who are right for you.

33girl · #8 07-11-2006, 10:39 AM

Grow a pair and tell her it's over. I say that in the most caring of ways. Or else sit down and thrash it all out and see if you're really compatible.

Glitter650 · #9 07-11-2006, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Grow a pair and tell her it's over. I say that in the most caring of ways. Or else sit down and thrash it all out and see if you're really compatible.

HERE HERE

SOPi_Jawbreaker · #10 07-11-2006, 05:21 PM

If you know for sure that she's not the one, stop stringing the poor girl along.

Boodleboy322 · #11 07-11-2006, 08:23 PM

Well, I've tried once before. The first time we called it quits I ended up getting follow up emails and voicemails. She still wanted to be friends. After one week we got back together. It really was the case of the career hungry professionals not comfortable without added convenience.

I think that I need to take a long vacation and leave the country for a little while. I think that will be therapeutic.

f8nacn · #12 07-11-2006, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boodleboy322

I really don't want to stay with this person forever and want to find "The One". I could easily see us getting married in a few years out of convenience and then getting divorced a few years after.

Fraternally,

Boodleboy322

If you know now that you don't want to continue with this person "forever", then I believe that you should talk with her about it...tell her that you rather be "friends if at all possible". Explain to her that you are looking for more and why it isn't happening with her. Just be real...be honest! I would appreciate that more than going along for a ride (however long it is) to be hurt and confused in the end.

Drolefille · #13 07-12-2006, 12:08 AM

Then I'm going to guess, you keep going back for the sex.

Forgive me if I judge to hastily.

But don't be hooked on the physical without the emotional behind it. If you're happy with just that, then yeah, stick with it, but it sounds like you want emotion.

If you do break it off, and she says, hey friends again? then you need to say "Maybe in the future, but now I need space"

And just say no to f*ckbuddies. Get away from her, not closer...

PhiMuAmberkins · #14 07-12-2006, 10:36 PM

Maybe you shouldn't let random articles/advertisements tell you what to do.

But if you really feel like that...here's some advice from a girl who's been there:

It's going to hurt her either way. But letting her get more and more attached will do nothing good for her. Do her a favor, and stop being a slimeball. She'll find somebody better if you let her go.

valkyrie · #15 07-13-2006, 11:53 AM

There seems to be an assumption that she's really into him -- maybe she thinks this whole relationship is just as lame as he does or maybe she's one of those women who will accept any lame-ass relationship because she's terrified of being alone or her biological clock is ticking, in which case she might get "accidentally" knocked up one of these days!

Personally, I think a relationship of convenience sounds about as exciting as eating ramen every day for the rest of my life, but whether to remain in such a relationship really depends on what you value.