NPC and Chapter - how do you balance it?

[opaldragon]

I have a question for all the ladies out there who have been active members of their respective chapters and have also sat on NPC Executive board.

How do you still maintain being an XYZ, bleeding your colors, and still sit on NPC Executive Board, fairly removed from your chapter?
How do you _not_ sit with your sisters at a mens' fraternity-sponsored philanthropy and cheer them on but instead sit away from them in a spot reserved for NPC, politely cheering everyone on?
How do you deal with women in your chapter giving sideglances as they talk about something and as you come up they shush themselves and change the topic of conversation?
How do you deal with wanting desperately to help your chapter but know that they wouldn't want your help because they don't see you as an XYZ but only as an NPC Executive Board member?

How do you balance it?