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Posted on Tue, Apr. 13, 2004
John Rosemond: Just the facts about spanking
Q. A friend of mine recently told me that her parenting philosophy, based on biblical teachings, not only permits the use of spanking but actually instructs parents to use spanking as a primary discipline method. She and her husband took a parenting course at their church that encouraged this approach. As a result, they spank as a first resort for disobedience, fights between siblings, disrespect and the like. Granted, she told me that, as time goes on, the spankings decrease, but even though her children are very well-behaved, I can't see myself doing this. What is your take on this notion?
A. My take is that no matter how I answer this, I'm going to be in trouble with someone. Nevertheless, being no stranger to controversy, I'm going to answer the question.
First, while I have no problem with spankings per se, I do not and never have "believed" in spankings. They are not a matter of faith or doctrine to me, nor do I believe they are essential to the proper discipline of a child. I do however believe that a spanking is sometimes the best disciplinary response to a certain child's misbehavior as it has occurred in a certain context and at a certain time.
I generally caution parents when it comes to spankings because, unfortunately, most parents who spank do so entirely too much, to the point where the spankings are meaningless. The best parenting research has found that parents who occasionally spank, meaning once in a blue moon, raise children who are better adjusted than either parents who spank a lot or parents who do not spank at all. Concerning the notion that spanking teaches children that hitting is OK, there is no good evidence that spankings, in and of themselves, contribute to aggressive inclinations.
Second, I have studied Scripture on this matter and have come to the conclusion that "the rod" referred to in passages pertaining to the discipline of children is not a solid object; rather, it is a metaphor for powerful, persuasive, righteous discipline of any sort. The word "rod" is used in two very discrete ways in the Bible: Whereas "a rod" clearly refers to a stick used for measuring, threshing or, yes, administering punishment, "the rod" is clearly being used metaphorically to refer to righteousness (a bit of a simplification, but it will do). Every time "rod" is used in the context of child discipline, it is used in the latter form ("the rod") and therefore the latter sense.
In Exodus, for example, the consequences of beating a child to death with "a rod" are spelled out. In Proverbs, on the other hand, parents are assured that if they punish a child with "the rod," the child will not die. The seeming inconsistency can be resolved only by understanding that the latter use is metaphorical. That does not eliminate spanking as an option, mind you; it simply means it is not being specifically prescribed.
I have a funny feeling I'm going to need a second mailbox.
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