To Spank or Not To Spank Kids
 

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Posted on Tue, Apr. 13, 2004



John Rosemond: Just the facts about spanking




Q. A friend of mine recently told me that her parenting philosophy, based on biblical teachings, not only permits the use of spanking but actually instructs parents to use spanking as a primary discipline method. She and her husband took a parenting course at their church that encouraged this approach. As a result, they spank as a first resort for disobedience, fights between siblings, disrespect and the like. Granted, she told me that, as time goes on, the spankings decrease, but even though her children are very well-behaved, I can't see myself doing this. What is your take on this notion?

A. My take is that no matter how I answer this, I'm going to be in trouble with someone. Nevertheless, being no stranger to controversy, I'm going to answer the question.

First, while I have no problem with spankings per se, I do not and never have "believed" in spankings. They are not a matter of faith or doctrine to me, nor do I believe they are essential to the proper discipline of a child. I do however believe that a spanking is sometimes the best disciplinary response to a certain child's misbehavior as it has occurred in a certain context and at a certain time.

I generally caution parents when it comes to spankings because, unfortunately, most parents who spank do so entirely too much, to the point where the spankings are meaningless. The best parenting research has found that parents who occasionally spank, meaning once in a blue moon, raise children who are better adjusted than either parents who spank a lot or parents who do not spank at all. Concerning the notion that spanking teaches children that hitting is OK, there is no good evidence that spankings, in and of themselves, contribute to aggressive inclinations.

Second, I have studied Scripture on this matter and have come to the conclusion that "the rod" referred to in passages pertaining to the discipline of children is not a solid object; rather, it is a metaphor for powerful, persuasive, righteous discipline of any sort. The word "rod" is used in two very discrete ways in the Bible: Whereas "a rod" clearly refers to a stick used for measuring, threshing or, yes, administering punishment, "the rod" is clearly being used metaphorically to refer to righteousness (a bit of a simplification, but it will do). Every time "rod" is used in the context of child discipline, it is used in the latter form ("the rod") and therefore the latter sense.

In Exodus, for example, the consequences of beating a child to death with "a rod" are spelled out. In Proverbs, on the other hand, parents are assured that if they punish a child with "the rod," the child will not die. The seeming inconsistency can be resolved only by understanding that the latter use is metaphorical. That does not eliminate spanking as an option, mind you; it simply means it is not being specifically prescribed.

I have a funny feeling I'm going to need a second mailbox.

IMHO....somtimes kids need their asses whooped. firm believer in the belt.

Before some of you decide to go CPS on me (because I know some of y'all will)...

I am a firm believer in disciplining kids, as most people are. Unfortunately there are idiots out there who don't know the difference between disciplining kids and child abuse.

I don't have any children of my own yet, but that doesn't matter. I consider my nieces and nephew my own and I've had a hand at raising them. Just from that, I know that timeouts aren't worth isht. We've tried the timeout BS, and it's only made the situations worse.

I'm a product of spankings, the belt, and the popular rubber slipper (in Hawai`i those black flip flops were more convenient than the belt). My dad hit me because I was a rotten kid and I deserved to be punished. You bet I learned my lesson. After a while he didn't have to bring out the hand, the belt, or the slipper. Once he said my name slowly, I quit being horrible and retreated to somewhere safe.

That worked for me and it's working for the next generation of kids in my family. You bet that I'll be quick to raise my hand when needed if and when my future kids act up.

Sorry if I've offended anybody, but that's how I plan to raise my kids. I don't tell you how to raise yours, so please keep insults to a bare minimum, thanks.

I posted it because the climate has become so anti-spanking . . and I believe some areas even have pending legislation to make spanking a form of child abuse . . ..

I agree with OTW and Starang.

I think spanking with the hand is when other disciplines don't work. I am against foreign object being used to spank (belts, whips, paddles ect...)

I'm personally not in favor of spanking, but I don't plan to ever have kids so it's not really an important issue for me.

yea right....i wish someone would try and stop me from whoopin on my kid.....cereal ailse whoopins.

In Canada, they recently passed a law saying that kids between 3 (or is it 2?) and 12 can be spanked, but no younger or older.

I think babies have a full derriere for good reasons - to cushion their falls, and to spank.

Anyone who has tried to train up a child under two knows that "reasoning" just doesn't work yet. A quick swat (with the hand, not an object) along with a firm "NO!" at the commission of the "crime" will go much further than other methods. Of course, a parent with anger management problems would not fit under this situation.

But it really is an age appropriate thing. If I had to give just a yes or a no, I would definitely say yes to spanking.

Wow honeychile and I agree on something ;)

I was spanked and I'm alright. When my kids deserve it, they'll be spanked.

I've never spanked my children and I never intend to. I just don't feel that it's right to hit someone just because you're bigger than them and can get away with it.

I know Sandy said that, in her experience, "time outs" don't work, but I've had a lot of success with them. It's the only method of discipline I've ever used, so it's what my girls are used to. They know if I start counting them out that they'd better stop what they're doing before I get to three or they'll be in their room.

I had the isht kicked out of me on a regular basis as a kid and look what a megabitch I turned out to be! ;) Really, I just don't have it in me to do that to my daughters.

We all have our own ideas, though. I don't think any of them are necessarily wrong.

I received 2 spankings my whole life. My mother put the fear of God in me early on, and it seems to have worked. Both of the spankings were at relatively young ages (around 2 or 3) and definitely got the point across. And I definitely deserved it. The threat of a spanking was enough for me. Usually sitting in the corner was enough punishment for me. If I had kids (scary thought) I would only spank them if absolutely necessary. No belts, shoes, etc. That's horrible.

I had nearly the same frequency of spankings as swissmiss04. My only real whoopin' came when I ran out into a busy street at the age of three or four.

I don't see myself spanking my child with anything other than my hand, and if it happens, it will be indeed once in a blue moon, like the original post said.

I agree 100%. When I was younger, my parents would always try to discipline with their words or other forms of punishment (no TV, can't see friends, etc.). If all else fails, I would get a spanking. They never hit me on any other places of my body besides my bottom and they only used their hands. When I was kid, my thought process was that I could deal without television or without seeing my friends but a spanking...that meant I was REALLY bad. I would try to be good so that I wouldn't get a spanking. I think it really instilled firm discipline within me.
I think spanking is ok as long as it doesn't cross the line into child abuse.