Chauvinist Pig (aint neva lied)

[DoggyStyle82]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None - It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be
able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the
kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course - He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was 'Always.âEUR(tm)
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[CrimsonTide4]

He said . .. . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . Good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . ..Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.

He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut.

He said . .. . Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said ....... . . They don't have time

He said . . .. What do men and sperm have in common?
She said . . .They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

He said . . . How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
She said . . . He buys two cases of beer.

He said . . . What is the difference between men and government bonds?
She said . . . The bonds mature.

He said . . . Why are blonde jokes so short?
She said . . . So men can remember them.

He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . ....... We don't know; it has not ever happened.

He said . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said . . . What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
She said . .. . A widow.

He said . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

He said . . ..... What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
She said . . . They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

[NinjaPoodle]

girls ** boys

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . ..Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.

[DoggyStyle82]

CT4

hahahahahahahhaaha. Good rejoinder


He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut


He said . . . How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
She said . . . He buys two cases of beer.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82
CT4

hahahahahahahhaaha. Good rejoinder


He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut


He said . . . How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
She said . . . He buys two cases of beer.

Some of yours were pretty clever as well. I will have to pass them on to Mr. CT4. He has a good sense of humor.

[ladygreek]

Thank you both for a good laugh!