Tammy sweetheart,
You've got several issues going on here. Fortunately, there are many of my sorors on this board who are HR folks in fortune 500 companies that can give you some idea of how to handle your particular situation.
My take: first off, even giving validity to this kind of behavior show some
slight level of immaturity on your part. So the both of y'all are acting young...
WHY do you haveta be this person's friend from jump? YES you can treat this person with respect and ALWAYS be cordial. But WHY do you need to be buddies with this other being? That's too much animosity to have in a job that may be stressful enough...
HOW do you KNOW that this person has a "grudge" against you? DID they say it to your face? If so, there is an indication of jealousy and envy. The best you can do is feel sorry for this person and pray for them.
YES, you may have to assert your primary job objectives. When folks say "professional", that means you do EVERTHING within your goals of your current position and more. You cannot settle for mediocrity, or setbacks by this other person. Your job is your ultimate responsiblity. Whoever your supervisor is, that is who your are responsible to and all activities you are responsible for... Forget, dealing with "petty personality conflicts"--your company IS watching the BOTH of you...
YES, sometimes, you are gonna havta SUCK IT UP and MOVE FORWARD. Folks will say chit to you all the time. Remember, "To whom the gods wish to destroy, they must first make them angry". Moreover, bottling that chit up ain't helpin' you with cho energy. So breathe...
I can tell you that this person hasn't a clue of what he or she is doing to you. It's just his or her personality and folks havta deal with it or do whatever. If this person is a supervisor, the you need a paper trail as lonnnnggggg as you make it. 'Cuz when this person tries to blame for a "JOB FAILURE" or evaluates your performance, you need to back that chit up on PAPER... WHAT DO THINK EMAIL IS FOR????!!!???
You need to go to this person's immediate supervisor as ask some very basic questions about your role at this company and how you can better perform your duties... If the immediate supervisor is an approachable person, he or she may already know what the deal is with your problem person...
A soror of mine said to me once, that if I am not getting along with somebody, make this person you "special project". Find out what makes this person "tick", or what this person's MO is. Once you garner that information, then you can use it to your advantage. There are several studies that suggest what kind of "worker" a person is. Your person's organizational skills may be structurally opposed to the way your organizational skills are. Both of your skill sets in no way lessens the other, however, you can take this person's skill set and optimize them... That's management material...
This person may be a Christian--or at least call himself or herself one... And they really believe that they are "prepping" you for the "real deal" that they may have faced. Some people operate like that. They REALLY think they are pushing you toward greater pastures, but actually, you have been wounded. Some of these incidences you are describing may require you to review them and see how you have provacated them or participated in them. Did YOUR plan toward this person "backfire"?
Books I would read would be about Coaching, What Color is Your Parachute and other management organizational skill manuals. Ask your HR or immediate supervisor or director for some suggestions. The deal is, you need to KNOW what you are doing for your job according to the contract you signed...
And that's life in the real world...
Good Luck!
!
I've been there...
Basically, she had a nasty, control-freak attitude, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore...
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