Grudges!
 

I work with someone I went to college with and this person has a grudge against me for petty reasons. I never personally did anything to him/her.

Has anyone ever been in this situation?

How did you deal with it?

I think it is so petty and imature but this person works with me and I have to deal with him/her.

I want to be the mature person that I am but it is only so much a person can take. I want to tell this person to grow the _____ up!

I don't want to check this person because I feel it would be immature. I want to ignore it but I am pissed...

Any suggestions? I have thought about confronting this immature baby in a respectful manner..... but I don't know! I don't want to give this person the satifaction.......

:eek: :rolleyes: :mad: !

How deep are the wounds?
 

it really depends on what they're holding on too! What you considered small they may consider huge or vice versa. The discussion between the 2 of you should have taken place when the flames got started. Now probably days, months, or even years have passed.
But even if it was something small you can approach it with ease and directness.

Re: How deep are the wounds?
 

I think I will wait for the right moment. I am a lady first so I have to keep my cool. I cannot discuss what the matter is over the internet but when the time is right I will deal with it.

I am and have in thiis predicament. In my situation (she is upset with me over petty reason also) I just ignore her and continue about my day. I even speak when I see her. I choose not to let it get to me and hold a grudge back at her simply because I choose to not let the hate get to me. When you hold grudges, you are letting the devil "set up shop" within you. I choose to be the bigger person and not let it eat at me.

I've been there...
 

Tammy, I just got out of a situation like this. This particular young lady and I started off cool, but over the past few years, it deteriorated. We both held officer position in an org and it seems like she was always undermining me, trying to control, not supporting my efforts, and making things way more complicated than it had to be. (I was pres, she was the treas) 70% of the stress/drama in the org was b/c of her...It really felt like she didn't respect me in that position. She even went so far as to accuse my boyfriend and I (he was VP) of "always trying to get over" on the org (she couldn't back it up, though and was the only officer who felt that way) I don't recall doing anything to her that may have rubbed her the wrong way, but she's got something against me...dare I say it may be jealousy, but I have no clue what she could be jealous of. http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/...fragend013.gif Basically, she had a nasty, control-freak attitude, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore...

But I had to. How did I do it? I stayed professional. I dealt with her long enough to take care of business. I maintained a working a relationship with her, but a personal one? Forget about it! We both hung around the same people, so if we all went to the movies or to get food, cool, (I wasn't about to stop hanging out with an entire group that I liked b/c of her) but me going out of my way to invite her somewhere? Hell, naw. :rolleyes: Now that we're in different parts of the country and there is no need for us to communicate, we don't...Yasava is a happy camper. http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/...grinser018.gif

Any suggestions for you? I don't know how your personality is, but for me, I'm not all that confrontational, so I just remained cordial and kept up a decent working relationship with her, I didn't make any efforts to see what her problem was b/c I understand that "everyone won't be your friend" and I didn't (still don't) have the time to worry about her. I just kept on stepping.

Thanks HoneyKiss and Yasava for your comments.

I did not do anything to this girl. I think she is jealous. Not to toot my own horn but I am much prettier than her and the people we are around like and respect me more. I think that eats her up. She has also been bad mouthing me to people. I have not said one bad thing about her at work. I blow off steam to my man and a close personal friend. I will probably end up ignoring her. She is making her self look stupid while I will remain the lady that I truly am.

Nothin to do but

SHAKE THOSE HATERS OFF!

Re: Grudges!
 

Tammy sweetheart,

You've got several issues going on here. Fortunately, there are many of my sorors on this board who are HR folks in fortune 500 companies that can give you some idea of how to handle your particular situation.

My take: first off, even giving validity to this kind of behavior show some slight level of immaturity on your part. So the both of y'all are acting young...

WHY do you haveta be this person's friend from jump? YES you can treat this person with respect and ALWAYS be cordial. But WHY do you need to be buddies with this other being? That's too much animosity to have in a job that may be stressful enough...

HOW do you KNOW that this person has a "grudge" against you? DID they say it to your face? If so, there is an indication of jealousy and envy. The best you can do is feel sorry for this person and pray for them.

YES, you may have to assert your primary job objectives. When folks say "professional", that means you do EVERTHING within your goals of your current position and more. You cannot settle for mediocrity, or setbacks by this other person. Your job is your ultimate responsiblity. Whoever your supervisor is, that is who your are responsible to and all activities you are responsible for... Forget, dealing with "petty personality conflicts"--your company IS watching the BOTH of you...

YES, sometimes, you are gonna havta SUCK IT UP and MOVE FORWARD. Folks will say chit to you all the time. Remember, "To whom the gods wish to destroy, they must first make them angry". Moreover, bottling that chit up ain't helpin' you with cho energy. So breathe...

I can tell you that this person hasn't a clue of what he or she is doing to you. It's just his or her personality and folks havta deal with it or do whatever. If this person is a supervisor, the you need a paper trail as lonnnnggggg as you make it. 'Cuz when this person tries to blame for a "JOB FAILURE" or evaluates your performance, you need to back that chit up on PAPER... WHAT DO THINK EMAIL IS FOR????!!!???

You need to go to this person's immediate supervisor as ask some very basic questions about your role at this company and how you can better perform your duties... If the immediate supervisor is an approachable person, he or she may already know what the deal is with your problem person...

A soror of mine said to me once, that if I am not getting along with somebody, make this person you "special project". Find out what makes this person "tick", or what this person's MO is. Once you garner that information, then you can use it to your advantage. There are several studies that suggest what kind of "worker" a person is. Your person's organizational skills may be structurally opposed to the way your organizational skills are. Both of your skill sets in no way lessens the other, however, you can take this person's skill set and optimize them... That's management material...

This person may be a Christian--or at least call himself or herself one... And they really believe that they are "prepping" you for the "real deal" that they may have faced. Some people operate like that. They REALLY think they are pushing you toward greater pastures, but actually, you have been wounded. Some of these incidences you are describing may require you to review them and see how you have provacated them or participated in them. Did YOUR plan toward this person "backfire"?

Books I would read would be about Coaching, What Color is Your Parachute and other management organizational skill manuals. Ask your HR or immediate supervisor or director for some suggestions. The deal is, you need to KNOW what you are doing for your job according to the contract you signed...

And that's life in the real world...

Good Luck!

I want to squash the petty BS because it is not worth it. We do not have to like each other but she can keep my name out ot her mouth. We are not even cool like that. I'll just chill because you show your true colors when you talk bad about someone who has not said one thing about you at WORK. She's making herself look bad! AND STUPID!