No bid

calgirl15 · #1 02-18-2014, 12:24 AM

So I go to a CSU (California State University) and it is relatively small in size, as it its Greek life ( 3 sororities and 3 fraternities) and I rushed the same sorority twice.

The first time, I did not receive a bid because I did not get to know the girls as well as I could have.

The second time I rushed, I knew every single girl, I connected with them and they all were super friendly to me, they all knew me and I felt really good and better than I had done in the past.

I did not receive a bid and they send out an email saying that I either did not meet academic requirements (they require a 2.5 and I have a 3.2) and the other reason is they feel like they did not get to know me.

And now they act like nothing has changed between us and act like my best friend.

I'm not rushing again because I don't want to seem desperate. My question is, how do I get over it and move on from it?

thetalady · #2 02-18-2014, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calgirl15

So I go to a CSU (California State University) and it is relatively small in size, as it its Greek life ( 3 sororities and 3 fraternities) and I rushed the same sorority twice.

The first time, I did not receive a bid because I did not get to know the girls as well as I could have.

The second time I rushed, I knew every single girl, I connected with them and they all were super friendly to me, they all knew me and I felt really good and better than I had done in the past.

I did not receive a bid and they send out an email saying that I either did not meet academic requirements (they require a 2.5 and I have a 3.2) and the other reason is they feel like they did not get to know me.

And now they act like nothing has changed between us and act like my best friend.

I'm not rushing again because I don't want to seem desperate. My question is, how do I get over it and move on from it?

Get involved in something else!! There have to be lots of activities on campus. Join a service organization, join a professional organization associated with your major, join a club that does an activity that you like. There are a million other things to do. Get up & get going!

andthen · #3 02-18-2014, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thetalady

Get involved in something else!! There have to be lots of activities on campus. Join a service organization, join a professional organization associated with your major, join a club that does an activity that you like. There are a million other things to do. Get up & get going!

OP yes I'm sure it stinks and hurts a bit to be rejected a second time. If your grades met the min. requirements the reason you got cut, is not something that anyone on this board can tell you since the criteria might be specific to the chapter and that's not discussed outside of that chapter.

I would explore your options and try and pursue something else, especially if you go to a mid-sized school I'm sure there are a variety of things. I would say give yourself some time to deal with the disappointment but don't let that take over your life.

Wishing you the best.

erica812 · #4 02-18-2014, 10:28 AM

Yep...it does hurt. It stinks. I've been in a similar position. But sorority life isn't the end-all of college life; get out there and build a great experience. It might seem strange that the members are acting friendly after the fact, but isn't that actually a good thing? Having more friends is a positive...even if you don't share letters.

Good luck, hon.

AZTheta · #5 02-18-2014, 10:31 AM

I am truly sorry that you did not receive a bid. Here is my answer to how you get over it and move on from it.

The most difficult, and valuable, lesson that I have been able to share with the young women I advise and mentor is this: how to handle, and accept, rejection and disappointment, and move on. Some of the circumstances and situations they have faced are, to them, devastating and life-altering. Why? Because they have "always gotten what I wanted". I am grateful that my lesson came in 7th grade when I was 12, because it did prepare me for coming disappointments. Doesn't mean I don't still recall the hurt. I just don't wallow in it, and it has its place in my arsenal of life memories.

These young women have seen how a seeming disappointment has all sorts of value. They have learned to turn those disappointments into strengths. They develop resiliency. They learn to think of options for any given situation. Once the initial shock and pain wears off, they begin to see that there are many other opportunities open to them which would not have been noticed had they taken the path which was now closed to them.

Give yourself a little time to feel hurt, but don't wallow. A final thought: you never know what's around the corner. You just never know. SO: pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and see what is coming next.

axo13 · #6 02-18-2014, 12:56 PM

Not getting a bid from your favorite sorority is always hard. If you want to be in greek life, maybe try a different sorority, if not just get involved in something else! The sorority you want may not always be the best choice for you. Keep in mind that they're rejecting you for a reason, and another sorority might LOVE you. Just be positive about it all!

DubaiSis · #7 02-18-2014, 02:56 PM

I am wondering why you only rushed 1 of the 3 sororities. Maybe one of the others would be a better fit. You might have chosen the chapter you wish you were instead of the one you really are.

But regardless, get out there, be active and make real friends, not just the kind who are friendly in class or in passing. That will help you not dwell on the past too much.

DeltaBetaBaby · #8 02-19-2014, 12:34 AM

Is this NPC? I'm not clear on the context, here.

Blue Skies · #9 02-23-2014, 08:11 PM

They may have liked you but felt for various reasons that you were not a good fit for their chapter. I know it hurts but this does happen. The members know more about the internal dynamics and needs of the chapter than you ever will. It's wise to trust them on this. It may be for the best! You can either try the other two chapters or move on to other clubs and activities.

As AZTheta pointed out, rejection is a part of life. It doesn't matter how wonderful and accomplished you are, how kind, caring or good, or how deserving. Sometimes you will get rejected anyway. Learning how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on is an essential life skill.

GammaGirl1908 · #10 02-24-2014, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calgirl15

And now they act like nothing has changed between us and act like my best friend.

Others have covered the "get involved in other activities" angle very well. I will point out that I wasn't Greek in college*, and I had a ball and was plenty busy. I had a job, did research projects in my major, took lots of interesting classes, partied, made friends, and volunteered. Of course every campus is different, but I suspect you can do any or all of the above on your campus without being Greek.

However, I wanted to note your statement above.

They didn't not extend you a bid because they hated you and wanted to humiliate you. Lots of sororities, for whatever reason, can't extend bids to PNMs that they like very much. It wasn't necessarily a rejection of you as a person because you weren't worthy of being their friend. According to their specific words, there was a cutoff you didn't quite make. That doesn't automatically mean that none of them want to be friends with you, or that there's something wrong with you.

You likely lost at a numbers game. Don't assign more meaning to that than it deserves.

(*I belong to an NPHC that I joined after college, and I knew during college that I had that option available to me, so I didn't spend a lot of energy on it.)