Indecisive About Dropping

m8g2k4 · #1 02-19-2014, 01:18 AM

I'm a sophomore at a really big southern school where Greek life is huge. I missed registration for rush when I was a freshmen, and my entire freshmen year I saw all of the fun that my friends who were in Greek life were having and it made me that much more excited to rush.

So this year, sophomore year, I rushed and everyone told me that everything happens for a reason and you'll get a bid from the sorority where you truly belong. I ended up getting a bid from a sorority that I liked during rush, but it was one of the only sororities that I didn't already know someone in.

My pledge class is over 100 girls and mainly freshmen. They're somewhat cliquey too. I've met a lot of nice girls in my sorority, but I just haven't found a close group of friends or anyone I feel super comfortable with yet. I've met a couple of other sophomore girls in my pledge class, but all of them had friends in the sorority previous to joining. All the older girls that I've talked to told me that you really start making friends spring semester, but we're already almost halfway through spring semester and I'm worried that I still will be the outsider by the end of the semester.

I really don't want to drop because I really was looking forward to being apart of a sorority and having sisters, but I'm nervous I'm wasting time and money to continue to feel as though I don't fit in.

Suggestions or advice???

clemsongirl · #2 02-19-2014, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m8g2k4

I'm a sophomore at a really big southern school where Greek life is huge. I missed registration for rush when I was a freshmen, and my entire freshmen year I saw all of the fun that my friends who were in Greek life were having and it made me that much more excited to rush.

So this year, sophomore year, I rushed and everyone told me that everything happens for a reason and you'll get a bid from the sorority where you truly belong. I ended up getting a bid from a sorority that I liked during rush, but it was one of the only sororities that I didn't already know someone in.

My pledge class is over 100 girls and mainly freshmen. They're somewhat cliquey too. I've met a lot of nice girls in my sorority, but I just haven't found a close group of friends or anyone I feel super comfortable with yet. I've met a couple of other sophomore girls in my pledge class, but all of them had friends in the sorority previous to joining. All the older girls that I've talked to told me that you really start making friends spring semester, but we're already almost halfway through spring semester and I'm worried that I still will be the outsider by the end of the semester.

I really don't want to drop because I really was looking forward to being apart of a sorority and having sisters, but I'm nervous I'm wasting time and money to continue to feel as though I don't fit in.

Suggestions or advice???

If you hadn't said the size of your pledge class I could have sworn you were describing my situation. Joined sophomore year, loved the chapter but didn't know anyone, the whole nine yards. Have you talked to your big about how you feel? I know that talking to mine and asking her to introduce me to my friends made me feel a lot better. It also might be that you won't bond with girls in your pledge class as much simply because you're older and in a different place than them-I'm an RA and already have a boyfriend, so the bonding younger girls have at frat parties isn't really there for me. I would also encourage you to get more involved if you aren't already. Have you run for a position, volunteered to be on the Bid Day committee, hung out at the house if you have one, agreed to move into the house next year if you can? You can't make friendships if you're never around and don't put yourself out there. Only if you've done all those things and still feel completely isolated would I tell you to consider dropping.

ASTalumna06 · #3 02-19-2014, 02:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

If you hadn't said the size of your pledge class I could have sworn you were describing my situation. Joined sophomore year, loved the chapter but didn't know anyone, the whole nine yards. Have you talked to your big about how you feel? I know that talking to mine and asking her to introduce me to my friends made me feel a lot better. It also might be that you won't bond with girls in your pledge class as much simply because you're older and in a different place than them-I'm an RA and already have a boyfriend, so the bonding younger girls have at frat parties isn't really there for me. I would also encourage you to get more involved if you aren't already. Have you run for a position, volunteered to be on the Bid Day committee, hung out at the house if you have one, agreed to move into the house next year if you can? You can't make friendships if you're never around and don't put yourself out there. Only if you've done all those things and still feel completely isolated would I tell you to consider dropping.

All of this, and especially what's in bold.

And with a pledge class of 100+ girls, I'm sure you could bond with at least ONE person. Put yourself out there. Volunteer. Join committees. And remember that in the fall, there will be another 100 girls joining the chapter. Your new BBFs may not even be sisters yet!

It doesn't sound like you dislike the girls in your chapter, so I'd encourage you to talk to your big, stick it out another semester, get involved, and see where you land. You may also find yourself taking a little next semester and bonding with her. In a chapter as big as yours, I can basically guarantee you that there are girls with which you click. Go find them!

Good luck

AOII Angel · #4 02-19-2014, 10:43 AM

Yes to all of this. Sometimes if you aren't the most outgoing person, making a position in your chapter takes time. It is hard work. Getting initiated doesn't turn on a tap of magic sisterhood that makes 300 women instant BFFs. Friendships in sororities are no different than friendships in HS or the outside world. We just draw you together, give you a lot of opportunities and a common bond. You have to forge those relationships through time, effort and experiences. Are you going to ALL the events? Are you hanging out at the house? Are you serving on committees and volunteering to help sisters do things? Do you make an effort to meet new sisters? You are just as responsible as your sisters to make this bond. You'll only get as much out of your experience as you put into it, so I recommend that you go all in and see what happens before you decide to give up. I am a Standards Adviser so I talk to women on a regular basis who don't feel the sisterhood or aren't into it. I give them the same advice. Two months later, the women who take my advice are like completely new people. Good luck.

AnchorAlumna · #5 02-19-2014, 11:19 AM

Great advice here already. Let me add that you probably haven't gone through the recruitment workshops for spring yet. Those are another good opportunity, because you are put in a rotation group and practice, you practice conversation skills - you're in a big room with sisters for an entire weekend and it's another chance to get to know some sisters better.

KDCat · #6 02-19-2014, 11:46 AM

I would at least wait for fall recruitment to be over. You spend so much time with people during Spirit Week and Recruitment that it's really hard not to get to know people really well.

If you can move into the house next semester, move into the house. There's nothing like living with people to form close relationships.

You sound like you like your sorority and they like you. I think you're just feeling the new member awkward stage. Everybody feels awkward at first. It's normal. It will pass.