advice for an oos at an SEC school

[iamamom]

Hi all! I've been reading through the threads and it's been quite an eye opener.

I was not in a sorority so I really have no advice to give my d, though h was in a fraternity. She is contemplating Auburn, has been accepted, deposited, toured and it is a top choice.

She has thought she might want to be in a sorority but really doesn't know much beyond movies, to her sororities are like the beginning of Legally Blonde. However, she has a boyfriend and other people in her life who are making her think sororities are just sleazy, drunk girls or the place where the mean girls find their new homes in college.

My advice to her since you are recruited before you even start college is to just go and see what you think. She and I don't know anything about anything about this southern SEC sorority life. I couldn't begin to tell you which are which as we are from the mid-atlantic and this stuff just doesn't exist here. She won't know a soul, and I think having a group of women to bond with right away could really make a great transition into college life.

However, I just made a quick spreadsheet of all the sororities and have started asking our friends and relatives if they were in sororities. All of them who were would instantly say they'd love to write her a rec. None of my sisters were in one and my husbands two sisters were in sororities that aren't at that school. I have 6 so far and I just started looking last week. Now how hard some of them will be to find I have no idea. Does it matter who the rec is from? Will they look into who wrote the rec - meaning how successful they are as adults or involved in their alumnae chapter?

I have no idea how you know if someone even is a good candidate. She has a 3.8 gpa, captain of her sailing team, leadership positions in her key club and fbla. She's traveled quite a bit with charity organizations. Of course all moms think their girls are beautiful and I'm no different. She's petite, blonde, funny and very sweet. But she doesn't have that thing - you know some girls are just very savvy, sophisticated, can work a room and have an eye on the future. She's not that. She's just a nice girl and a good friend. I joke that she could be on a show on the Disney channel, just a wholesome fun loving girl. One thing she loved about Auburn was the spirit.

I thought the best tactic for us to take since she has until next summer to decide is to just continue asking people we know if they were in sororities and if they'd write her a rec.

I know there are the outfits to consider that we'd deal with next summer. Even though my sister works for Lily Pulitzer, my d really doesn't care for that style clothes. Sis is convinced its mandatory in the south to wear your Lily and pearls, but that just isn't d.

I figure if I play this low key, get the recs, help her get the outfits, if she doesn't get nervous and goes in unaware of the hype of tiered houses, who went where for camp, she could actually find her people and not be concerned with which house.

I read the Auburn website where they talked about really only 5% of girls end up with no bid, which doesn't count the ones who drop out during the process. Is that a large amount? D isn't weird or awkward, was homecoming princess this year if that says anything.

Is there anything else you'd be doing to prep that wouldn't make her too nervous?

[carnation]

There are lots of Auburn threads on Greekchat--search for "Auburn Recruitment". War Eagle!

[IndianaSigKap]

As far as recruitment wardrobe, if I remember correctly the Auburn Panhellenic has a facebook page and posted a ton of photos from each day of recruitment. Have your daughter check those out.

As far as recs go, have your daughter ask her teachers. They went to college and some of them might be Greek. I wore my badge to school on Monday in honor of our Founders' Day on Saturday and I had two students ask me about it.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by iamamom

Hi all! I've been reading through the threads and it's been quite an eye opener.

I was not in a sorority so I really have no advice to give my d, though h was in a fraternity. She is contemplating Auburn, has been accepted, deposited, toured and it is a top choice.

She has thought she might want to be in a sorority but really doesn't know much beyond movies, to her sororities are like the beginning of Legally Blonde. However, she has a boyfriend and other people in her life who are making her think sororities are just sleazy, drunk girls or the place where the mean girls find their new homes in college.

My advice to her since you are recruited before you even start college is to just go and see what you think. She and I don't know anything about anything about this southern SEC sorority life. I couldn't begin to tell you which are which as we are from the mid-atlantic and this stuff just doesn't exist here. She won't know a soul, and I think having a group of women to bond with right away could really make a great transition into college life.

However, I just made a quick spreadsheet of all the sororities and have started asking our friends and relatives if they were in sororities. All of them who were would instantly say they'd love to write her a rec. None of my sisters were in one and my husbands two sisters were in sororities that aren't at that school. I have 6 so far and I just started looking last week. Now how hard some of them will be to find I have no idea. Does it matter who the rec is from? Will they look into who wrote the rec - meaning how successful they are as adults or involved in their alumnae chapter?

I have no idea how you know if someone even is a good candidate. She has a 3.8 gpa, captain of her sailing team, leadership positions in her key club and fbla. She's traveled quite a bit with charity organizations. Of course all moms think their girls are beautiful and I'm no different. She's petite, blonde, funny and very sweet. But she doesn't have that thing - you know some girls are just very savvy, sophisticated, can work a room and have an eye on the future. She's not that. She's just a nice girl and a good friend. I joke that she could be on a show on the Disney channel, just a wholesome fun loving girl. One thing she loved about Auburn was the spirit.

I thought the best tactic for us to take since she has until next summer to decide is to just continue asking people we know if they were in sororities and if they'd write her a rec.

I know there are the outfits to consider that we'd deal with next summer. Even though my sister works for Lily Pulitzer, my d really doesn't care for that style clothes. Sis is convinced its mandatory in the south to wear your Lily and pearls, but that just isn't d.

I figure if I play this low key, get the recs, help her get the outfits, if she doesn't get nervous and goes in unaware of the hype of tiered houses, who went where for camp, she could actually find her people and not be concerned with which house.

I read the Auburn website where they talked about really only 5% of girls end up with no bid, which doesn't count the ones who drop out during the process. Is that a large amount? D isn't weird or awkward, was homecoming princess this year if that says anything.

Is there anything else you'd be doing to prep that wouldn't make her too nervous?

I'm not going to presume to know what interest your daughter actually has in going Greek, but from your post, it sounds like you're way more interested in this than her. Of course, all of us here understand that being Greek is a great way to meet new people, but you have to trust that your daughter will be able to do that on her own.

And as hard as you try, you can't protect her forever from the harsh realities of Greek life (or life in general). You can pretend that "tiers" don't matter, and that girls won't gossip, and that it's all just puppies and rainbows, but it's not.

Definitely help your daughter, but don't push her into something that she may not want. And don't try to shield her from all the "scary" stuff about sorority recruitment. In my opinion, going in knowing what to expect would be better than thinking it's all a perfect, happy experience for everyone.

ETA: I didn't intend for all of that to sound mean.. I just wouldn't want your daughter to go in with unrealistic expectations.

Good luck to her should she decide to go through recruitment!

[SigKapSweetie]

I wouldn't stress out too much because she is not the most outgoing queen bee in the world. Shy women tend to have more trouble during recruitment just because the active sisters have SO many girls to remember and it does help to stand out for something, but she doesn't have to be the absolute center of attention at every party in order to be successful. There is a place in greek life for young women with all sorts of personalities, and most chapters don't want a new member class made up entirely of alpha girls/leaders. It takes a good mix of women to make an effective sisterhood.

Most women who go through recruitment at most schools, even the ones with competitive recruitments, can find a place in a chapter as long as they keep an open mind and seriously consider every chapter that invites them back. The women who drop out during the process often do so because they were not invited back by their favorites. As an OOS PNM, it may be a little easier for your daughter to keep an open mind because she hasn't spent her formative years hearing about which sororities are "the best" and she won't have to deal with the heartbreak of being dropped by the sorority where all of her high school friends went. That sort of thing can contribute to women deciding to drop out entirely rather than giving their remaining chapters a fair chance. I'd encourage to her go into it with the attitude that she is trying to make new friends and to be herself. Good luck to her and to you!

[iamamom]

Thanks for the thoughts. Right now she thinks she wants to try, but doesn't have any idea how competitive it is for the girls who've grown up around it.

I'm actually very neutral on sororities, I didn't do it in college and it definitely is not my personal preference. However, if she wants to do it, I will help her figure out how to put her best foot forward.

I'm an "overachiever" with everything - spreadsheets are my bread and butter - lol. You should see my college spreadsheet! And trust me, if my d wants something, I'll figure out the way to best go about it.

I don't do the last minute panic thing well, so I figure we have all these months, let's figure this thing out.

Plus, given it's my "baby" I've got to focus on something besides my empty nest next year! Sure, I could focus on my job, but how boring would that be?

[MSUpink&blue]

With her kind of grades and involvement, if she WANTS to be Greek, she probably will be. Auburn is competitive but has 17 chapters to find a home for almost any girl that wants to be Greek. Girls are still released, but if your daughter has a real interest and shows it to the girls during rush, she shouldn't be at risk for getting released because she seems well-rounded (on paper at least, obviously we don't know her).

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by iamamom

Thanks for the thoughts. Right now she thinks she wants to try, but doesn't have any idea how competitive it is for the girls who've grown up around it.

I'm actually very neutral on sororities, I didn't do it in college and it definitely is not my personal preference. However, if she wants to do it, I will help her figure out how to put her best foot forward.

I'm an "overachiever" with everything - spreadsheets are my bread and butter - lol. You should see my college spreadsheet! And trust me, if my d wants something, I'll figure out the way to best go about it.

I don't do the last minute panic thing well, so I figure we have all these months, let's figure this thing out.

Plus, given it's my "baby" I've got to focus on something besides my empty nest next year! Sure, I could focus on my job, but how boring would that be?

I am all for helping your kid, but I think that she needs to be driving this bus. Otherwise, she might feel compelled to make certain decisions because mommy did so much work.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by iamamom

I don't do the last minute panic thing well, so I figure we have all these months, let's figure this thing out.

Well, you won't be doing the recruitment thing either. She will, so she needs to be the one to figure this stuff out.

Speaking as a parent, I'd say step away from the spreadsheets.

[ADPiEE]

I know it's hard (I'm a parent too) but let you daughter take the lead with this. Tell her you're there to help her if she needs it and wait until she asks. Imagine how you would help her out if she were going on a job interview. Take her shopping, proof read her resume for typos, be there to listen and support, etc.

If you need recs and can't find them, register with your local city Panhellenic. They will help you find recs usually. If you're in a smaller town or suburb, contact Panhellenic in the closest city. You can suggest to her to contact a Panhellenic group but let her be the one to contact them.

A good "life lesson" she'll learn is that stereotypes are just that--stereotypes (not reality). Yes there are less than classy girls and mean girls that join sororities but there is also every other type of girl in every sorority on campus. Sororities are so big these days that no matter where she ends up, she'll be able to find friends and girls she "clicks" with.

A note about clothing--if your daughter isn't into Lilly, she shouldn't wear it. Keep the "job interview" analogy in mind again. The brand doesn't really matter--stick to classic, well fitting clothes that she feels confident in. I think all SEC schools put out a "what to wear each day" guide and you can normally find it on the school's Panhellenic website.

Good luck to your daughter and don't stress!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by iamamom

But she doesn't have that thing - you know some girls are just very savvy, sophisticated, can work a room and have an eye on the future. She's not that. She's just a nice girl and a good friend.

A lot of people will chime in here to say all of the chapters are great, they all have wonderful women, etc. I want to go ahead and add the following: there may be chapters that are more of the "popular girl" types, and they will be popular with PNM's, likely including your daughter. These chapters know how to make everyone feel really special. But you know what? That chapter where the girls lack that je ne sais quois? Maybe that's the chapter where your daughter will be able to stand out and be a leader.

[33girl]

My only advice is that she might want to seriously consider dumping that unsupportive jagoff of a boyfriend.

[AnchorAlumna]

I know very few sororities who would say "no" to a sweet girl with a 3.8, leadership positions and good looks.
You and she need to remember that there are 1,000 other sweet, smart girls out there with the same things. Yes, literally. So the more preparation, the better, especially when it comes to sorority recruitment in the SEC. Keep talking to people...try to find some other Auburn/SEC folks for a more tailored view. All the groups at Auburn have all types of girls, from the party heartiers to the studious church-goers. She'll get a good experience in any of them.

DON'T step away from the spreadsheet for recs. It can be very helpful to keep everything straight. Keep asking around - a sorority alum does not have to be from the sorority's Auburn chapter. She can be from any chapter of that sorority. Once you find an alum, ask if she knows other sorority alumnae. Teachers, church friends, work friends - even ask men, because their wife-sister-mother-daughter-aunt-grandmother could be sorority members. Post a request on your Facebook page.

If Auburn has an alumni group in your area, you could possibly contact them for help and advice, not just on recs, but on sorority life at Auburn.

Something to remember about Auburn - Greek life is not quite the big deal it is at, say the University of Alabama. There are even honoraries and philanthropic groups that function similarly to NPC sororities.

No, it's not required for every PNM to wear Lilies and pearls! If that's not her style, that's fine. She just needs to be well put together and groomed, with tasteful, appropriate (not necessarily expensive!) outfits.

Unlike some ladies here, I think it's OK for mom to help with finding alums for recs. The student needs to not just hand it all off to mom, but it's a big job and the kids are usually pretty clueless. So a little help from mom is fine, I think.
Best of luck to your daughter!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

DON'T step away from the spreadsheet for recs. It can be very helpful to keep everything straight.

Of course spreadsheets can be helpful. I was speaking metaphorically—Mom needs to step away from the spreadsheets and let daughter step up to them. Sure, Mom can offer advice and assistance, but this is her daughter's recruitment, not her own. If daughter wants to go through recruitment, daughter should have the responsibility for getting and tracking recs and for doing everything else to prepare.

[HQWest]

As Auburn doesn't have houses, it is not as all-day every day sorority the way Bama is. There are a lot of out of state students. Maybe not as high as the 50% of PNMS like at Bama, but pushing 35-40%. Going through recruitment is a good way to meet lots of people. Joining a sorority can be one way for an out of state student to have a group of friends from the start the first day of classes.

They do not have upper class quota yet. I don't think it has come up. Because of this, the best time for someone to try recruitment and have the most options is freshman year.

If Lilly and pearls is not your style, I wouldn't worry about that either. There were lots and lots of other cute styles this year. I wouldn't wear a pant suit, but wear a dress you love that makes you feel good. I think some girls bought a navy or orange dress they were going to use for a game day dress in navy and wore that for IWT.