Why do some parents let their kids drop out?

[Kennedyy]

Why do some parents let their children/college student child drop out of college because they didn't get a bid? Or because they didn't get a bid from the chapter in which they're a legacy? Or because they didn't like the houses they were invited back to?

I don't get it...there's over 15 girls who left the school I go to because they didn't get a bid from the house they just thought they had to have.

I think my mom would probably beat me with a bamboo stick before letting me dropout.(kidding )

Dropping out seems like a bit of an overreaction.

[AZTheta]

In the wise words of Bill Cosby: Why is there air?

Important life lesson: you don't need to "get it", although I suspect that if you gave it more than a passing thought, you'd figure out the answer to your question. But to save you the effort, here's the primary reason: someone is suffering a loss. And that's exactly what it is for many young women who are experiencing rejection and failure for the first time. They didn't get what they wanted, or what they were told they wanted, or what they thought they wanted. It's painful, and the coping mechanisms are what they are.

I suspect that you'd be looking at this through a different lens had you actually gone through recruitment and had some first-hand experience and understanding of the entire process.

[carnation]

Why do they "let" them? These kids are almost always 18 and can do what they want. I've seen students drop out for far stupider reasons.

[TEAtime]

Different strokes for different folks. I know people who transfered schools because the sorority they were interested in wasn't represented on campus. There are a host of reasons that people make the decisions they do, why should they be judged for it if their actions don't impact anyone but themselves?

[Old_Row]

Did you know all these people personally? Did you talk to them personally before they left? Do you even know their names? If not I think you are just listening to and spreading dumb gossip that probably isn't even true and is exaggerated like when people say half the PNMs were dropped after first day or something. It isn't smart to believe and spread gossip. Try to concentrate on yourself and not what you think other people are doing and you will end up a lot happier.

[Kennedyy]

I know 4 personally. One told me through FB while the others texted me and told me to follow them on twitter/fb and to keep in touch...but I saw a few of the girls moving out of our dorms when I got back on bid day.

and I'm just curious why...but hey, I guess I'm evil for asking.

[adpiucf]

The question isn't why do some parents let their kid drop out of college after a failed recruitment. An 18 year old can do whatever they want. An 18 year old is an adult. The parent can't do anything to stop their kid from dropping out of college for any reason.

The question is why parents enable their children once they have made these choices and continue to support their lifestyle and pay their bills, rather than helping them by talking about it, going to therapy if necessary, helping them to understand that life is full of disappointments and how to work through them.

There are many parents who fail to take into account that part of their responsibility as a parent is to raise a productive member of society with mature coping skills. Parents should be emotionally supportive if their adult children suffer a minor disappointment like not getting their choice sorority bid, but they shouldn't enable those children to the point where they don't learn to deal with the consequences. It is just going to end badly when something truly catastrophic happens in their lives, mommy isn't around anymore, and they are left completely unable to function.

So, if you're asking "why," the answer is poor parenting.

[gracemom]

Kennedyy-- I sent you a pm

[BadCat25]

They drop out because some 18 year old girls do not handle public in your face social rejection very well.

[TNAuburnMom]

I think this quote from adpiucf is my favorite comment ever on any discussion board.

"There are many parents who fail to take into account that part of their responsibility as a parent is to raise a productive member of society with mature coping skills."

[peppermint23]

Aside from the fact that they're legal adults...

Greek life isn't for everyone. I don't think anyone should be forced into it or made to feel like they HAVE to join a chapter to get the most out of college.

That being said, I would say social rejection is difficult at any age. Maturity plays into it, but not everyone wants to compete socially. Some people have social anxiety, others are introverted and dislike being part of a crowd, and a lot of people are happy just studying and occasionally hanging out. The dues, all of the social obligations...I wouldn't judge someone for not going Greek. I think it's good for most people to rush, but part of the process is deciding "Okay, not for me."

I'd also rather have someone drop out if their heart's not in it than potentially "take a bid" from someone who wants more than anything to be Greek.

[peppermint23]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

The question isn't why do some parents let their kid drop out of college after a failed recruitment. An 18 year old can do whatever they want. An 18 year old is an adult. The parent can't do anything to stop their kid from dropping out of college for any reason.

The question is why parents enable their children once they have made these choices and continue to support their lifestyle and pay their bills, rather than helping them by talking about it, going to therapy if necessary, helping them to understand that life is full of disappointments and how to work through them.

There are many parents who fail to take into account that part of their responsibility as a parent is to raise a productive member of society with mature coping skills. Parents should be emotionally supportive if their adult children suffer a minor disappointment like not getting their choice sorority bid, but they shouldn't enable those children to the point where they don't learn to deal with the consequences. It is just going to end badly when something truly catastrophic happens in their lives, mommy isn't around anymore, and they are left completely unable to function.

So, if you're asking "why," the answer is poor parenting.

I don't think everyone that drops out of recruitment is necessarily immature or was poorly parented, though.

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by peppermint23

I don't think everyone that drops out of recruitment is necessarily immature or was poorly parented, though.

No one's talking about dropping out of recruitment. They're talking about dropping out of school because of a poor recruitment.

[ElvisLover]

If you know four who have dropped, would you be able to re-contact Greek Life Office to take one of their places? I personally wouldn't allow my children to drop out of school due to a less-than-desirable rush outcome. Too bad for those girls...they should have given their sorority a chance and gotten to know their chapter. After all of the newness and rawness of rush wears off, usually everyone ends up being happy with a new group of friends within their sorority.

[Sciencewoman]

My mom started college in 1951. Both her freshmen year and the year she was an RA, a couple girls on her floor left school right after recruitment because they didn't get the chapter they wanted, or were released. I know this was a different era, but her take was that it was an indication of priorities...the sorority experience (in at least one case the girl was cut from her legacy chapter) was more important than the college education itself, or graduating from that particular university. She brings up this story whenever anyone in the family goes through recruitment, as a cautionary tale about keeping an open mind and putting academics first.