Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

[DrPhil]

Pardon me if I missed the ashleymadison thread on here.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationshi...=32092&lc=1033

Originally Posted by article

By definition, Ashley Madison, a dating site for cheaters, is a disreputable place. Seedy, sad. Your first impulse may be to throw your arms up in rage and condemn its members, the ones trawling for an affair or the chance to talk dirty in an instant message. But don't you also have questions? I set out to ask married men on the site not only why they cheat, but why they do it so boldly, admitting their recklessness and confessing their betrayals on the Internet as though their morality and fidelity were items up for auction on eBay.

Have we discussed the godawful cheating website ashleymadison? The author of this article went undercover on the site and it was like piranhas.

What say you, GCers?

[AGDee]

As a frequent online dating site user, I personally wish they would all go there and be obvious about being married instead of using other sites and claiming to be single. At least then people know what they're really getting. Cheaters are scumbuckets, but at least if they are on there, they aren't lying scumbuckets ( to their "dates" anyway).

[knight_shadow]

I remember seeing this on The View a while back.

I agree with Dee -- people are going to cheat regardless of where they do it. At least if they're on a cheater's site, other members will know what they're getting into.

[angels&angles]

God how depressing.

This makes me never want to get married.

[Drolefille]

You know it's interesting, one sex advice columnist sometimes discusses cheating as a way to save a marriage. He's pretty anti-monogamy in general, but his philosophy on it is that if everything else is great, and it's JUST sex that you're needing from somewhere else then isn't it better to cheat than to get divorced assuming your partner won't open up the relationship.

I'm not a big fan of that myself, but I see the point. I'd rather that people go into relationships knowing what they want AND acknowleding that they will change over time and trusting each other enough to talk about whatever's going on and whether their needs are being met. That's not reality for everyone though. And society does stigmatize divorce (some families and cultures more than others) as well as non-monogamy.

I understand why some people feel like cheating is their only option and why others just don't care about their partners, but I don't think that it excuses it. This website, eh, they're going to do it on craigslist or somewhere, in some ways they're being MORE honest like Dee noted, so you know I hope it works out for them, because it looks like they'll be unhappy to me.

[33girl]

You mean Savage Love?

People have had marriages that are basically business arrangements where each partner does their own thing (sexually and otherwise) for ages and ages. Like most other things, it is not news, just the openness about it is.

Also, some people do have a fetish in which they WANT to get cheated on. Wouldn't be surprised if more than a few of them are utilizing this site.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You mean Savage Love?

People have had marriages that are basically business arrangements where each partner does their own thing (sexually and otherwise) for ages and ages. Like most other things, it is not news, just the openness about it is.

Also, some people do have a fetish in which they WANT to get cheated on. Wouldn't be surprised if more than a few of them are utilizing this site.

Dan Savage, yes. And while it's true that some people have that type of marriage, there's still a stigma against specifically approving of cheating rather than diligently overlooking it.

[preciousjeni]

One of the lazy mail people (Yahoo, AOL, whatever) did a story on this site recently. I had to check it out and I just about fell out when I saw the statement at the bottom of the welcome screen,

"The most recognized name in infidelity. As seen on Dr. Phil, Tyra, CNN, The View, Ellen, Larry King, Good Morning America. We are the most recognized and reputable extramarital affair company. Our married dating services work."

[angels&angles]

Savage does encourage extramarital affairs in some instances, but I wouldn't call it cheating. In the circumstances he proposes, he definitely encourages the affair-spouse to TELL the other spouse that this is what's going to happen (i.e. "I really need to have sex more than once a year, and if you can't do that for me, then I will look elsewhere"), whereas to me "cheating" implies secrecy.

And yes, I bet this is a cuckold-fetishist's dream.

It's depressing to me that the men in the article "loved" their wives who were "so beautiful" and "the perfect woman," and yet they need to sneak around somewhere/someone else for companionship. Especially the guy who was only engaged... some people aren't monogamous, but I'd rather know that upfront and make an informed decision than be serially cheated on through the relationship. Blah.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

Savage does encourage extramarital affairs in some instances, but I wouldn't call it cheating. In the circumstances he proposes, he definitely encourages the affair-spouse to TELL the other spouse that this is what's going to happen (i.e. "I really need to have sex more than once a year, and if you can't do that for me, then I will look elsewhere"), whereas to me "cheating" implies secrecy.

He does, but he has on occasion encouraged actual cheating. And I'm not sure that saying 'i'm going to do it' and then doing it even if your partner says 'that's not ok' is much better, but eh. I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, so it's not an issue for me at this point. (Yeah you can cheat in that kind of relationship, but it's not a concern in mine.)

And yes, I bet this is a cuckold-fetishist's dream.

I wonder if this almost defeats the fetish. Like... it's too easy.

It's depressing to me that the men in the article "loved" their wives who were "so beautiful" and "the perfect woman," and yet they need to sneak around somewhere/someone else for companionship. Especially the guy who was only engaged... some people aren't monogamous, but I'd rather know that upfront and make an informed decision than be serially cheated on through the relationship. Blah.

Exactly.

[angels&angles]

He does, but he has on occasion encouraged actual cheating. And I'm not sure that saying 'i'm going to do it' and then doing it even if your partner says 'that's not ok' is much better, but eh. I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, so it's not an issue for me at this point. (Yeah you can cheat in that kind of relationship, but it's not a concern in mine.)

Well, my understanding at least is that if the spouse says "no," then you have the choice of A. leaving; B. staying faithful, maybe working out the issues in the relationship, maybe not; C. cheating anyway. None of those are good options, anyway, but at least you gave your spouse all the information.

I was in a non-exclusive relationship for a while, but it didn't work for me. I told the guy that I couldn't handle it, and we are now exclusive. Some people need/want/can handle that kind of relationship. It turns out I can't.

I wonder if this almost defeats the fetish. Like... it's too easy.

I'm not sure if cuckoldry fetishists care HOW they're cuckolded. For some it may be the whole sneaking-around thing, but to my admittedly limited knowledge, a lot of the thrill comes simply from watching some dude bang your wife (or knowing that some dude is banging your wife).

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

Well, my understanding at least is that if the spouse says "no," then you have the choice of A. leaving; B. staying faithful, maybe working out the issues in the relationship, maybe not; C. cheating anyway. None of those are good options, anyway, but at least you gave your spouse all the information.

Right, I just don't quite buy the 'the relationship is better together with the lie (that the partner never knows)' idea. Maybe I'm wrong, or naive, and I fully acknowledge that with the social stigmas in place, cheating may at least SEEM like the least of all evils, I'm just not sold.

However overall I fall under 'more communication is better' even if it's things you don't want to have to talk about, like.. hey I'm not sexually satisfied and I want someone who will flog me with a high heeled shoe.

I'm not sure if cuckoldry fetishists care HOW they're cuckolded. For some it may be the whole sneaking-around thing, but to my admittedly limited knowledge, a lot of the thrill comes simply from watching some dude bang your wife (or knowing that some dude is banging your wife).

Oh I'm sure it depends on the person and the individual kink.


ETA

I was in a non-exclusive relationship for a while, but it didn't work for me. I told the guy that I couldn't handle it, and we are now exclusive. Some people need/want/can handle that kind of relationship. It turns out I can't.

Well, my partner was already married when we met so, if I decide that it doesn't work for me, then the relationship will likely - 99.999999% - end. I doubt there'll be a divorce, and I'm not in the relationship expecting one.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I remember seeing this on The View a while back.

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I remember seeing this on The View

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

seeing this on The View

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

The View

k_s watches The View.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

k_s watches The View.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

k_s watches The View.

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Hehe!