Is this normal...?

rxavier · #1 01-13-2011, 02:01 AM

I'm not sure if this is where I'd post this, but...

I was ecstatic to receive a bid from my house three nights ago. But when I met everyone for the first time, I felt--and still feel--so overwhelmed that I felt like I couldn't really enjoy myself. I feel like I don't fit in with my pledge class (or the rest of my house for that matter) and that they made a mistake. I feel awkward around everyone and it seems like everyone has already gotten so close. Girls text each other constantly throughout the day. My bid buddy and I don't seem to click as well as she does with my twin, making me feel even more insecure. Conversations don't necessarily flow like I thought they would and I don't really feel close to anyone yet.

I look around the room and all these girls are so perky and attractive -- I feel so out of place.

I don't mean to be all anxious but I just want to ask if this is how anyone else felt when they became a new member. I really hope this is temporary.

KSUViolet06 · #2 01-13-2011, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rxavier

I'm not sure if this is where I'd post this, but...

I was ecstatic to receive a bid from my house three nights ago. But when I met everyone for the first time, I felt--and still feel--so overwhelmed that I felt like I couldn't really enjoy myself. I feel like I don't fit in with my pledge class (or the rest of my house for that matter) and that they made a mistake. I feel awkward around everyone and it seems like everyone has already gotten so close. Girls text each other constantly throughout the day. My bid buddy and I don't seem to click as well as she does with my twin, making me feel even more insecure. Conversations don't necessarily flow like I thought they would and I don't really feel close to anyone yet.

I look around the room and all these girls are so perky and attractive -- I feel so out of place.

I don't mean to be all anxious but I just want to ask if this is how anyone else felt when they became a new member. I really hope this is temporary.

Yes, it's normal.

Relax. You have only been a new member for THREE days. These women are not going to be your BFFs instantly.

It takes time to feel comfortable with ANY new group (whether it's a sorority, new school, new softball team, etc.)

Typically, as you get to know people (through attending events and such), you'll feel more comfortable.

excelblue · #3 01-13-2011, 02:27 AM

There's a good reason why you were ecstatic.

Talk to your pledge educator about your feelings of insecurity. She'll be a great resource.

TweedleDee199 · #4 01-13-2011, 02:44 AM

Absolutely 100% most definitely normal. I think I had this misconception that joining a chapter would mean I would have instant best friends over night and that's just not at all how it works. It's the same as anywhere else, it will take time to get to know them. The biggest difference is that while other people, the ones you meet in the dorms, on intramural teams, etc. might come and go, you'll always have the sorority as a common bond. Stick with it and remember that you are NOT the only person who feels this way. It will be so very worth it in the end.

KSUViolet06 · #5 01-13-2011, 02:58 AM

Good read:

Did it take you awhile to fit in?

rxavier · #6 01-13-2011, 03:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Good read:

Did it take you awhile to fit in?

You're right; it was a good read. I know sororities/fraternities are no different than say, a sports team or a committee, but it still surprised me that I haven't felt the same way I did during recruitment (e.g., that "this is it" feeling).

I'm continuing to reach out to my PC but it's becoming *overwhelming* to keep up with everyone as they're already planning on spending vacations together, studying together, making plans for lunch, etc. It takes me longer to get to that place and I'm just worried that it'll be too late for me once I finally come out of my shell.

LoggerTheta · #7 01-13-2011, 03:30 AM

It's never "too late". You'll start to realize that relationships within your house will constantly evolve throughout your time there. That's the nature of living the Greek lifestyle. People are always coming and going. The women that I spent the most time with when I was a freshman aren't necessarily the women that I was spending the most time with when I graduated.

It took me a while to get into the groove too. I know it's overwhelming, but once the novelty of the situation wears down a little, and sorority life becomes "life as usual", you'll find your place. One really good way to do this is to get involved; joining a committee for example.

sherrybaby · #8 01-13-2011, 03:43 AM

I understand exactly where you're coming from - I'm not nearly as outgoing as a lot of my pledge class. There were a lot of times last semester I felt a little lost & overwhelmed and wondered why everyone else seemed so much closer with one another. I also sympathize with feeling like you don't fit in with your pledge class/chapter, because I am the complete opposite of my chapter's stereotype and most people think I'm in a different sorority before I tell them. But things do and will get better as long as you stay committed to making it that way and keep reminding yourself: there is a reason they picked you. There is a reason you picked them. As a new semester begins I already feel so much more comfortable and able to be myself around my sisters and have been growing closer to members of my own pledge class. I promise, just because some other girls may already be forming fast friendships and making plans together doesn't mean that a). they wouldn't love to be your friend as well or b). everyone in you chapter is that outgoing.

DubaiSis · #9 01-13-2011, 06:22 AM

Your issue is a perfect example of why we keep saying that recruitment is NOT real life. Where it really bugs us old broads is in PNMs worrying about this or that tier chapter. Once recruitment is over, that status level is completely moot. The other part of it is this unrealistic, Disney-like, unicorns pooping rainbows world where everyone is happy and cheering and dressed perfectly all the time. These women will become your friends, but that magic bubble is gone. These beautiful perfect women will have PMS and acne and boyfriend problems. And you're not going to like some of them. In fact, you will very likely DESPISE a few of them. But the good will outweigh the bad if you work at it, at least a little. Give it time, go out of your way to make friends with your new sisters, and things will get better.

And by the way, I think a lot of women go through the same thing getting married and having babies. They get so geared up for the big event, that it's a real let-down when it's over and you go back to your normal life, albeit with a new person in it. It's normal, and you're fine.

BraveMaroon · #10 01-13-2011, 09:06 AM

Oh, so normal!

Take a deep breath and realize that you are not the only person who feels/has felt/will feel this way.

I had to ease my way in to things, and it turned out fine. You will carve your niche.

DeltaBetaBaby · #11 01-13-2011, 10:17 AM

A lot of good advice already.

I will add that, in my experience, there were always a couple of NM's that ohmygodtheyaresocuteandawesomewearesoexcitedtogett hem. Very often, these girls turned out to be either mediocre members or outright pains in the ass as soon as everyone stopped fawning all over them. Meanwhile, the girls who took a little longer to come out of their shells became the backbone of the pledge class, and later on, the officers and girls that everyone would stop by the house just to hang out with.

Being a "twin" is a bit tough, too, but remember that just means your big wanted two people so badly that she couldn't decide between you two.

GeorgiaGreek · #12 01-13-2011, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

A lot of good advice already.

Being a "twin" is a bit tough, too, but remember that just means your big wanted two people so badly that she couldn't decide between you two.

I think the OP meant her bid buddy twin, which (assuming you're using the same terminology a lot of girls here use) is like a "trial big" that is assigned right before bid day. A lot of sororities usually have about 5 of these before you pick your bigs/littles, and they're sometimes called something related to your mascot (bear buddies, turtle buddies, etc.).
If that's the case, then don't worry about not clicking with this person; Most girls in my sorority don't have their first bear buddy as their big, and some aren't even close with that person at all. It's basically just the sorority trying to match people based on their personalities that they saw during rush, which might not be what you're like in real life. Once you've spent more time with everyone, you'll be better matched with people who could click with the "real you".

As for not feeling connected to everyone, you should know two things:
1. With a big house, not everyone is going to be close friends. You might see it that way because everyone is just getting to know each other and everything is, like another poster said, butterflies and unicorns pooping rainbows. But people will become closest with people that are alike to them, or have personalities that flow, and the rest will be friends and sisters, but not all best friends. Don't feel like you're going to be left out of some giant tight circle, because that really never happens.
2. If you want to be friends with more people, you often have to come to them. Go eat at a dining hall with girls in your pledge class that you didn't know well before. If you're friends with one girl in that group and barely know the others, that will give you a good opportunity to show them your personality and get to know them without feeling like you're "intruding" or something. Get involved in the sorority. If you take a general board position, you'll have more reason to talk to other girls in your chapter, and get to know them a little better. Sit with people you don't know well during chapter meetings. You'll get a chance to talk to them during the post-meeting chatter and maybe make plans to go to the gym, or eat lunch the next day, or study or something.

You don't have to be that person that's friends with every single person (though you DO have do be nice to everyone if you want to make friends), but if you reach out to people and make a few good friends, that's all you'll need to be happy. That will lead to more friends, Greek and non-Greek.
Also, don't forget that girls in your sorority don't have to be, and actually should not be, your only friends. Get to know people in your hall, classes, and other sororities.

Trust me, last year as a new member I felt the same way. Things usually work out. And if they don't, you have other options. But, I think they will.

Good luck and I hope you get everything you want out of your Greek experience.

KSUViolet06 · #13 01-13-2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rxavier

I'm continuing to reach out to my PC but it's becoming *overwhelming* to keep up with everyone as they're already planning on spending vacations together, studying together, making plans for lunch, etc. It takes me longer to get to that place and I'm just worried that it'll be too late for me once I finally come out of my shell.

Not everyone is a "make friends instantly person." Some people take longer.

Also, keep in mind that yes, some girls will seem to become friends instantly, but those friendships can and will change over time in the sorority. Girls that you aren't close with or maybe don't even KNOW now will be your best friends by graduation. Also, girls who are BFFs now, won't be. A lot can change in 4 years and you can't say that you "don't fit in" in three days.

Everyone is not best friends with their Bid Day Buddy. It's okay if you're not. There are even people who end up not being best friends with their Big Sister. That's ok too.

In addition, not everyone's best friends are in their own pledge class. You'll get to know people who are older/younger than you are. Some of my best friends in my chapter were in my Big's class and I am very good friends with some women in my Little Sister's class as well.

You will also start to make friends with the women you live-in with. My very best friend in the sorority was a girl I didn't know well at all until we lived-in together.

So, don't panic. Just participate and be proactive in making friends. Go out to dinner. Go to more than just the required events. Eventually, you will start to build relationships.

DeltaBetaBaby · #14 01-13-2011, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

You will also start to make friends with the women you live-in with. My very best friend in the sorority was a girl I didn't know well at all until we lived-in together.

Oh, and my best friends from the sorority post-college are not the ones I was closest to in college.

rxavier · #15 01-13-2011, 12:35 PM

I feel silly for getting all worked up about this, but I just want to know that I made the right decision. I think that a lot of this comes from the age discrepancy between the majority of the PC (freshmen) and myself (a sophomore). I don't live on campus, I'm involved in other organizations I have a job and a serious boyfriend, and I'm taking a heavy course load (18 hours). I've invited the girls to come to the other organizations with me as well as offered them rides to and from the house and to hang out at my apartment. But needless to say, I feel spread too thin right now.

Did any one else that pledged as a sophomore experience this?