How does one respond to...

[Miriverite]

... that dreaded reason for de-pledging, de-affiliating, or plain not going through recruitment... that one simple statement that makes me scratch my head in confusion:

"Greek life just isn't for me."

I've heard of quite a few guys/girls at my school who depledged/deaffiliated their GLO citing this reason. But what does it really mean? How are we, as fellow sisters/brothers, supposed to respond to this? How does exec try to win a member back when they give this reason? I don't want to sound too probing, but a lot of the time individuals will say something like, "I really admire sorority XYZ, and I've enjoyed my time here and wish I could stay, but sorority life just isn't for me." Isn't that a bit of a contradictory statement?

How do we respond to that, as executive officers? As fellow members?

[carnation]

Ask them, "How do you know?"

[knight_shadow]

But Greek life ISN'T for everyone.

I'd rather have someone bow out gracefully BEFORE becoming a full-fledged member than after they've gotten letters.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

But what does it really mean? How are we, as fellow sisters/brothers, supposed to respond to this? How does exec try to win a member back when they give this reason? I don't want to sound too probing, but a lot of the time individuals will say something like, "I really admire sorority XYZ, and I've enjoyed my time here and wish I could stay, but sorority life just isn't for me." Isn't that a bit of a contradictory statement?

How do we respond to that, as executive officers? As fellow members?

Since we don't recruit, Delta prides herself with reclamation but that's for inactive Sorors who hope to reclaim membership in terms of being financial and active.

All of those other people (those who never go through membership intake, those who drop out of membership intake, those who de-pledge) get the gas face. Not Delta's concern and not my concern.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

... that dreaded reason for de-pledging, de-affiliating, or plain not going through recruitment... that one simple statement that makes me scratch my head in confusion:

"Greek life just isn't for me."

I've heard of quite a few guys/girls at my school who depledged/deaffiliated their GLO citing this reason. But what does it really mean? How are we, as fellow sisters/brothers, supposed to respond to this? How does exec try to win a member back when they give this reason? I don't want to sound too probing, but a lot of the time individuals will say something like, "I really admire sorority XYZ, and I've enjoyed my time here and wish I could stay, but sorority life just isn't for me." Isn't that a bit of a contradictory statement?

How do we respond to that, as executive officers? As fellow members?

"What part of it didn't you like?"

It could be:
-the required activities
-something in ritual that offended them/ritual in general
-they dislike living with a large number of people (and your chapter requires living in the house at some point for every member)
-a personal beef with another member/another Greek
-pressure from friends/boyfriend/family
-time crunch from classes/job

If it's one of the first three, k_s is totally right. Greek life ISN'T for everyone, even at the most laid-back schools/systems. It's better to just let them go instead of begging them to stay around. I include the house thing because once you let one person slack it creates a very slippery slope. For many chapters, living in the house is as much a part of being Greek as the meetings and rituals - i.e. inescapable.

If it's one of the second three, tell them that lots of people have had the same issues and that you'd like to help them work through it before they make an irrevocable decision.

[MasTNX]

I've never been in that situation, so I can't speak from experience, but I can see how once you choose someone you wouldn't want them to quit. Especially if you have gained a lot from your time in the organization, it would be upsetting to see someone not appreciate the opportunity that they've been given.

On the other hand, the above posters are correct, Greek life isn't for everyone and who wants to have a half-hearted member?

[Alumiyum]

Most of the time IMO that excuse means:
1. They just didn't like the rules.
2. They don't like having to show up to required events.
3. Their friends, family, or boyfriend don't like how much time they spend with the sorority.
4. They are struggling to keep up financially or no that they probably will struggle in the future.
5. Housing requirements.
6. They are having a hard time balancing sorority, school, and a work schedule.

I think it's a general excuse. If it's 1 or 2 they probably do need to go ahead and quit. If they get talked into staying they MIGHT end up changing their mind, but if they don't they'll probably end up going through initiation and then quitting anyway, because requirements probably aren't going to change. And for people who didn't really have a full understanding of what they're getting themselves into, they might be telling the truth-it really might not be for them, and that's fine.

If it's because they are feeling outside pressure, struggling to pay, or are worried about living in house you might be able to find a member who has gone through a similar situation and wouldn't mind talking to the woman about how they managed. They still might want to quit, but sometimes just knowing that someone else has been in your same shoes and came out just fine is comforting.

That being said, an initiated member who quits because they do not like the requirements or are just getting bored isn't worth convincing into staying. They knew by initiation what would be asked of them. That's different than a new member who finds themselves in over their heads.

[angels&angles]

We had a new initiate drop out after our first Recruitment Workshop. Our Rush Chair at the time was very fashionable and full of ideas but was NOT the most tactful girl, and some of her suggestions/rules were really off putting to the new members. The girl who dropped really did not want to have to do the amount of "judging" that Formal Recruitment entails. If we had had a slightly more tactful Rush Chair, this might have been avoided, or maybe just postponed. There's a good chance that while Darla Dropper was one of the sweetest girls I know, Greek Life just wasn't for her.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

We had a new initiate drop out after our first Recruitment Workshop. Our Rush Chair at the time was very fashionable and full of ideas but was NOT the most tactful girl, and some of her suggestions/rules were really off putting to the new members. The girl who dropped really did not want to have to do the amount of "judging" that Formal Recruitment entails. If we had had a slightly more tactful Rush Chair, this might have been avoided, or maybe just postponed. There's a good chance that while Darla Dropper was one of the sweetest girls I know, Greek Life just wasn't for her.

Ugh how unfortunate on the timing and the circumstances that probably did push her into quitting. Chances are, though, if she really was that bothered by it it would've come up later, probably during recruitment itself.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

...
"Greek life just isn't for me."...

How do we respond to that, as executive officers? As fellow members?

The obvious response is to ask why, then decide whether the reasons are sufficient. There are lots of good reasons to depledge, including not fully understanding the financial or time aspects. If the pledge/new member is sincere, then letting them depledge with dignity is the classy way to go. There are too many people who really do want to be a Greek to hold someone hostage.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Since we don't recruit, Delta prides herself with reclamation but that's for inactive Sorors who hope to reclaim membership in terms of being financial and active.

All of those other people (those who never go through membership intake, those who drop out of membership intake, those who de-pledge) get the gas face. Not Delta's concern and not my concern.

Exactly! And probably the same for the entire HPHC.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

Exactly! And probably the same for the entire NPHC.

I think so. I guess this thread isn't for us.

[Miriverite]

I understand fully that sometimes Greek life -isn't- for everyone. My question was more geared towards, "How do we, as members or exec officers, deal with someone who cites this reason for quitting, and then does not or refuses to elaborate?" What questions should we ask, what actions should we take? There have been some great responses thus far - thanks and keep 'em coming! =)

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

I understand fully that sometimes Greek life -isn't- for everyone. My question was more geared towards, "How do we, as members or exec officers, deal with someone who cites this reason for quitting, and then does not or refuses to elaborate?" What questions should we ask, what actions should we take? There have been some great responses thus far - thanks and keep 'em coming! =)

You can't really make someone explain themselves. I'd think that anyone interviewing someone who wishes to deactivate or depledge should try to encourage her to be honest, promise confidentiality (and mean it) and ask if there is something else that's not going right. But there might be nothing more there than she feels like she doesn't fit in but doesn't have the words to express it, or is trying to be polite after witnessing something she was offended by.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

I understand fully that sometimes Greek life -isn't- for everyone. My question was more geared towards, "How do we, as members or exec officers, deal with someone who cites this reason for quitting, and then does not or refuses to elaborate?" What questions should we ask, what actions should we take? There have been some great responses thus far - thanks and keep 'em coming! =)

I recommend instructing them on how to leave all of the sorority properties that they have in their possession.

They can figure out the rest from there.