"Northerner rules"

[Thrillhouse]

Very funny list, especially #5 and #21


>A List of Things that Northerners Think, But Rarely Say
>
>People from the North have secret thoughts they don't share with the rest
>of the United States of America. And with good reason. We just don't like
>"y'all" that much.
>
>By Curt Grumble
>
>1. "Northerner" really means "Northeasterner."
>
>2. And by "Northeasterner," we really mean people from Massachusetts,
>Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
>
>3. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire or Rhode Island are nothing more than
>tiny, under-populated states packed with hicks. We have a strict "don't
>ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to what they do.
>
>4. Rhode Island is Massachusetts' "little brother," always trying to
>outdo its larger sibling. Note to the rest of the United States: Rhode
>Islanders have the really thick accents.
>
>5. We don't care about the Civil War. At all. We don't ever think about
>it, unless you bring it up. It's like the South is some bitter
>ex-girlfriend whining about a breakup from 100 years ago.
>
>6. If pressed on the matter, we shrug and think, "We won." Then we move on.
>
>7. It scares us that the South actually feels like it should have won.
>I mean, if it won, then slavery is still around. Why aren't Southerners
>happy they lost? Okay, I suppose we're all sorry about Sherman. But
>still, without him, you'd have even more hick towns. You should thank us
>already and let it go. We're over it.
>
>8. That said, we know the South has prettier girls. But ours are more
>promiscuous.
>
>9. California is the only state that's in the "West." Everything else
>is "near California." And Oregon and Washington seem like the same place,
>but Idaho? We don't know what Idaho does, besides potatoes.
>
>10. The real "South" is Alabama, the Carolinas and Georgia. Those
>states scare us deeply. Sort of like when the opening theme to "Unsolved
>Mysteries" kicks in. Same feeling.
>
>11. Tennessee and Kentucky might as well be the same state for all we
>care. Don't they both have a Memphis?
>
>12. Texas isn't part of the United States. It's just "Texas," land
>where everyone looks like Boss Hog. That's all we feel we need to know,
>honestly. Big hats. Boots. Oil. Cheerleaders.
>
>13. A long drive is two hours. A short drive is 15 minutes. Anything
>over 4 hours requires a plane ticket. Period.
>
>14. Midwestern is a synonym for "naive."
>
>15. California is a synonym for "shallow." Los Angeles is where
>shallow people become famous. Hollywood is where the famous, shallow people
>get arrested for shoplifting or overdose in bars.
>
>16. Florida is where old New Yorkers go to die. Las Vegas is where
>they feed.
>
>17. And while we're here, Las Vegas is considered a Northern city, but
>Nevada is not part of the North. It's just like how you eat the banana
>and chuck the peel.
>
>18. Southerners, just by the very sound of the accent, are always less
>intelligent. It's not our fault that they sound like Jolly Ranchers are
>stuck in their mouths. Fix that, get rid of the Confederate flag and
>maybe we'll take you seriously in something other than college football.
>
>19. It's funny to watch people in the South drive in snow. They always
>panic. Dozens perish. We usually make bets on how many die.
>
>20. Tornados and earthquakes aren't real. Are they? C'mon!
>
>21. We have no idea why we'd ever go to Arkansas, New Mexico, Iowa,
>Idaho, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas,
>Utah, Missouri and West Virginia. Nor do we have any urge to. We don't
>know anything that's there, aside from college teams we root against.
>
>22. Sitcoms in New York City = funny.
>
>23. Sitcoms set elsewhere = less funny.
>
>24. What's in the Southwest? We're kinda curious.
>
>25. There is no fundamental difference between South Dakota and North
>Dakota, or even South Carolina and North Carolina. Couldn't they come up
>with more original names at some point?
>
>26. But Virginia and West Virginia? It's like George and Lenny in Of
>Mice and Men. Big scary difference.
>
>27. Hawaii or Alaska aren't "real" states. They're like junior college
>transfer states. Washington D.C. is as far south as we feel we need to
>go.
>
>28. Minnesota is a really strange place, ain't it? Prince, Gov. Jesse
>Ventura, Randy Moss. Frightening.
>
>29. The Miss America pageant is rigged so that Massachusetts sends the
>ugliest girl in the history of the female gender. The last one looked
>like Ted Danson. Yes, really.
>
>30. If a sport can be held at a country fair, then it's not a sport.
>Competitive cheerleading? Professional auto racing? Bull riding?
>Northern sports are played in arenas, centers, gardens and the occasional
>field.
>
>31. We were never impressed by the Houston Astrodome.
>
>32. Tanning isn't something that just happens, you know. It's a hobby.
>We need to work hard to get sunburns that require hospitalization.
>
>33. The rest of the country has strange fast-food places and
>universally crappy pizza. Do they screw up the pizza on purpose because we
>show up?
>
>34. Chicago is really part of the North, not the Midwest. We traded
>Pittsburgh and the rest of western Pennsylvania for it. Good deal when
>Pittsburgh was a steel town.
>
>35. We can't label the Midwest on the map, but we know it when we see
>it. Mostly because it has freckles and a bowl cut. If it's female, it has
>on the tight sweater.
>
>36. There's really no reason to see the rest of the country when
>everyone's always coming here. We'll see them when they show up in
>Philadelphia, Boston or New York.

[nucutiepie]

Hilarious...

although, as a born and bred northerner who just had to go to school in Illinois, #21 is still true somewhere deep down inside, but since my current boyfriend is from one of those states and would probably die for their football team, I have to pretend I am interested and even act excited about visiting!

[The1calledTKE]

Originally posted by Ex greek

10. The real "South" is Alabama, the Carolinas and Georgia. Those
>states scare us deeply.

Yes be scared very scared.

[dzrose93]

To #18 I say: Puhleeeeeeze!

I love my Southern accent, and so does my Yankee boyfriend.

At least you can understand Southerners when they speak. Yankees talk so fast and clipped that it's hard to pick up ANYTHING they say. Y'all are just jealous -- of our accents AND our football teams!

[AlphaGam1019]

Damn Yankees! Go drink your POP!

lol

[BearyCuteAPhi]

Originally posted by AlphaGam1019
Damn Yankees! Go drink your POP!

lol

Too funny, but I agree!!! hahahahaha LMAO


Ronnie

[damasa]

Originally posted by AlphaGam1019
Damn Yankees! Go drink your POP!

lol

OMG, I am a Yankee and I HATE the word "pop." *shuns the little Illinois girl* LOL.

The word is SODA!!!!!!!!

[AlphaGam1019]

Originally posted by damasa

*shuns the little Illinois girl* LOL.

?!

[damasa]

Originally posted by AlphaGam1019


?!

IowaHawkeye

[LeslieAGD]

Originally posted by damasa
OMG, I am a Yankee and I HATE the word "pop."

The word is SODA!!!!!!!!

I live in Michigan and I agree that it is Soda!!!

[IowaHawkeye]

People... it's POP POP POP... not soda

Originally posted by Ex greek
>21. We have no idea why we'd ever go to Arkansas, New Mexico, Iowa,
>Idaho, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas,
>Utah, Missouri and West Virginia. Nor do we have any urge to. We don't
>know anything that's there, aside from college teams we root against.
>
>34. Chicago is really part of the North, not the Midwest. We traded
>Pittsburgh and the rest of western Pennsylvania for it. Good deal when
>Pittsburgh was a steel town.
>
>35. We can't label the Midwest on the map, but we know it when we see
>it. Mostly because it has freckles and a bowl cut. If it's female has
>on the tight sweater.
>
>

I have no idea why I am in Iowa, so I can't help you with #21 You can't have chicago.. and midwest, is it that hard? Go to the middle of the country, the western part of that middle... Chances are if the state grows corn (Iowa/illinois/Nebraska) its the Midwest

[Thrillhouse]

Originally posted by dzrose93
Y'all are just jealous -- of our accents AND our football teams!

Football teams? Whens the last time a southern team won the super bowl? Can't count college football when there is no playoff system to choose the champion

[damasa]

Originally posted by IowaHawkeye
People... it's POP POP POP... not soda

You have been silenced!!! It is SODA, not pop! Pop is your father, and soda is what you drink!


Juan

[Siobhan]

POP!

[dzrose93]

Originally posted by Ex greek
Can't count college football when there is no playoff system to choose the champion

BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody stand back... Lightning's about to strike Ex greek for sure!