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"Northerner rules"
Very funny list, especially #5 and #21
>A List of Things that Northerners Think, But Rarely Say > >People from the North have secret thoughts they don't share with the rest >of the United States of America. And with good reason. We just don't like >"y'all" that much. > >By Curt Grumble > >1. "Northerner" really means "Northeasterner." > >2. And by "Northeasterner," we really mean people from Massachusetts, >Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. > >3. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire or Rhode Island are nothing more than >tiny, under-populated states packed with hicks. We have a strict "don't >ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to what they do. > >4. Rhode Island is Massachusetts' "little brother," always trying to >outdo its larger sibling. Note to the rest of the United States: Rhode >Islanders have the really thick accents. > >5. We don't care about the Civil War. At all. We don't ever think about >it, unless you bring it up. It's like the South is some bitter >ex-girlfriend whining about a breakup from 100 years ago. > >6. If pressed on the matter, we shrug and think, "We won." Then we move on. > >7. It scares us that the South actually feels like it should have won. >I mean, if it won, then slavery is still around. Why aren't Southerners >happy they lost? Okay, I suppose we're all sorry about Sherman. But >still, without him, you'd have even more hick towns. You should thank us >already and let it go. We're over it. > >8. That said, we know the South has prettier girls. But ours are more >promiscuous. > >9. California is the only state that's in the "West." Everything else >is "near California." And Oregon and Washington seem like the same place, >but Idaho? We don't know what Idaho does, besides potatoes. > >10. The real "South" is Alabama, the Carolinas and Georgia. Those >states scare us deeply. Sort of like when the opening theme to "Unsolved >Mysteries" kicks in. Same feeling. > >11. Tennessee and Kentucky might as well be the same state for all we >care. Don't they both have a Memphis? > >12. Texas isn't part of the United States. It's just "Texas," land >where everyone looks like Boss Hog. That's all we feel we need to know, >honestly. Big hats. Boots. Oil. Cheerleaders. > >13. A long drive is two hours. A short drive is 15 minutes. Anything >over 4 hours requires a plane ticket. Period. > >14. Midwestern is a synonym for "naive." > >15. California is a synonym for "shallow." Los Angeles is where >shallow people become famous. Hollywood is where the famous, shallow people >get arrested for shoplifting or overdose in bars. > >16. Florida is where old New Yorkers go to die. Las Vegas is where >they feed. > >17. And while we're here, Las Vegas is considered a Northern city, but >Nevada is not part of the North. It's just like how you eat the banana >and chuck the peel. > >18. Southerners, just by the very sound of the accent, are always less >intelligent. It's not our fault that they sound like Jolly Ranchers are >stuck in their mouths. Fix that, get rid of the Confederate flag and >maybe we'll take you seriously in something other than college football. > >19. It's funny to watch people in the South drive in snow. They always >panic. Dozens perish. We usually make bets on how many die. > >20. Tornados and earthquakes aren't real. Are they? C'mon! > >21. We have no idea why we'd ever go to Arkansas, New Mexico, Iowa, >Idaho, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas, >Utah, Missouri and West Virginia. Nor do we have any urge to. We don't >know anything that's there, aside from college teams we root against. > >22. Sitcoms in New York City = funny. > >23. Sitcoms set elsewhere = less funny. > >24. What's in the Southwest? We're kinda curious. > >25. There is no fundamental difference between South Dakota and North >Dakota, or even South Carolina and North Carolina. Couldn't they come up >with more original names at some point? > >26. But Virginia and West Virginia? It's like George and Lenny in Of >Mice and Men. Big scary difference. > >27. Hawaii or Alaska aren't "real" states. They're like junior college >transfer states. Washington D.C. is as far south as we feel we need to >go. > >28. Minnesota is a really strange place, ain't it? Prince, Gov. Jesse >Ventura, Randy Moss. Frightening. > >29. The Miss America pageant is rigged so that Massachusetts sends the >ugliest girl in the history of the female gender. The last one looked >like Ted Danson. Yes, really. > >30. If a sport can be held at a country fair, then it's not a sport. >Competitive cheerleading? Professional auto racing? Bull riding? >Northern sports are played in arenas, centers, gardens and the occasional >field. > >31. We were never impressed by the Houston Astrodome. > >32. Tanning isn't something that just happens, you know. It's a hobby. >We need to work hard to get sunburns that require hospitalization. > >33. The rest of the country has strange fast-food places and >universally crappy pizza. Do they screw up the pizza on purpose because we >show up? > >34. Chicago is really part of the North, not the Midwest. We traded >Pittsburgh and the rest of western Pennsylvania for it. Good deal when >Pittsburgh was a steel town. > >35. We can't label the Midwest on the map, but we know it when we see >it. Mostly because it has freckles and a bowl cut. If it's female, it has >on the tight sweater. > >36. There's really no reason to see the rest of the country when >everyone's always coming here. We'll see them when they show up in >Philadelphia, Boston or New York. |
Hilarious...
although, as a born and bred northerner who just had to go to school in Illinois, #21 is still true somewhere deep down inside, but since my current boyfriend is from one of those states and would probably die for their football team, I have to pretend I am interested and even act excited about visiting!;) |
Re: "Northerner rules"
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To #18 I say: Puhleeeeeeze!
I love my Southern accent, and so does my Yankee boyfriend. :p At least you can understand Southerners when they speak. Yankees talk so fast and clipped that it's hard to pick up ANYTHING they say. Y'all are just jealous -- of our accents AND our football teams! :D |
Damn Yankees! Go drink your POP!
lol :D |
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Ronnie :) |
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The word is SODA!!!!!!!! |
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People... it's POP POP POP... not soda :p
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You have been silenced!!! It is SODA, not pop! Pop is your father, and soda is what you drink! Juan |
POP!
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:D :D :D :D :D |
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