Envelope addressing etiquette

[LucyKKG]

Ok, GCers have all the answers, so here I go:

I'm sending out fundraising letters for my half marathon, and I'm not sure how to address them. These aren't the people's real names, but this is the issue I'm having: Matt Brown is married to Mary White-Brown. How do I write that? Matt and Mary White-Brown?

I also have a couple (my parents age) who isn't married but they live together. I know them really well, so maybe I should just write their first names? They have different last names, of course.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

Ok, GCers have all the answers, so here I go:

I'm sending out fundraising letters for my half marathon, and I'm not sure how to address them. These aren't the people's real names, but this is the issue I'm having: Matt Brown is married to Mary White-Brown. How do I write that? Matt and Mary White-Brown?

I also have a couple (my parents age) who isn't married but they live together. I know them really well, so maybe I should just write their first names? They have different last names, of course.

Social entities, which is what they used to call cohabiting couples and couples with different last names back in the day, should be addressed like this, in alphabetical order:

Ms. Munchkin03
Mr. Not-Munchkin03
543 Cohabiting Road
NY NY 10001

[LucyKKG]

Thank you! I swear, I could ask you guys questions about astrophysics and I'd get answer.

[aephi alum]

As I understand it:

- The woman's name always comes first, if it's a heterosexual couple.
- If the couple is married, even if they have different last names, the word "and" is used. So:

Ms. Wendy Testaburger and Mr. Stan Marsh
123 Main St.
South Park, CO 12345

[ComradesTrue]

You can also consult wedding etiquette books. They have chapters devoted to this type of issue.

No need to buy one... your local library should have several.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

Ms. Wendy Testaburger and Mr. Stan Marsh
123 Main St.
South Park, CO 12345

Man, I'd pay to see that episode.

[Munchkin03]

At the end of the day, I'm just a redneck from northern Florida, but dear Emily Post says on page 131, in the section "Addressing Envelopes":

"Invitations to an unmarried couple who reside at hte same address should be addressed to 'Ms. Nancy Fellows' and 'Mr. Scott Dunn,' with each name appearing on a separate line."

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

At the end of the day, I'm just a redneck from northern Florida, but dear Emily Post says on page 131, in the section "Addressing Envelopes":

"Invitations to an unmarried couple who reside at hte same address should be addressed to 'Ms. Nancy Fellows' and 'Mr. Scott Dunn,' with each name appearing on a separate line."

And that's correct, if they are unmarried.

Married couples get an "and".

[ZTAMich]

I love that you know what page it's on Munchkin! I seriously want to buy my own copy of her book.

Here's a link to the Forms of Address section of Emily Post's website which should help! Emily Post

[AOII Angel]

Also, if both are doctors, DO NOT address the envelope as Dr and Mrs. John Doe! That is my PET PEEVE! I was a doctor before my husband...why do I lose my honorific? If you leave it as Mr and Mrs, I'm fine, but don't give man honorific to the an without giving the same courtesy to the woman! It should be addressed "Drs. Doe," "Drs. John and Jane Doe" or "Dr. John Doe and Dr. Jane Doe."

[DSTRen13]

This is my personal belief, and I'm sure up for contentious debate, but I don't think you should ever use "Mrs." or "Miss" unless you KNOW that is what the woman in question prefers ... I have always hated both and shudder at things addressed to me as "Mrs. [whatever they think my last name is at the moment]". Please just call me Ms.!

[ZTABullwinkle]

I thought Miss was only used for women under the age of 18. But I got an RSVP back from one in her 20s with Miss written on it.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Also, if both are doctors, DO NOT address the envelope as Dr and Mrs. John Doe! That is my PET PEEVE!

My parents are both doctors. My mother practiced under her maiden name (she's retired), but outside the hospital she was Mrs. Dadslastname. They get mail ALL THE TIME addressed to "Dr. and Mrs. Dad Dadslastname". She seems not to be bothered by it, but it bothers me - her MD is meaningless because she's married?

Originally Posted by ZTABullwinkle

I thought Miss was only used for women under the age of 18. But I got an RSVP back from one in her 20s with Miss written on it.

Some unmarried women prefer Miss even if they're over 18. A good friend of my mother's preferred to be addressed as "Miss Jane Doe" (she never married) and used "Miss" until the day she died.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

My parents are both doctors. My mother practiced under her maiden name (she's retired), but outside the hospital she was Mrs. Dadslastname. They get mail ALL THE TIME addressed to "Dr. and Mrs. Dad Dadslastname". She seems not to be bothered by it, but it bothers me - her MD is meaningless because she's married?

She probably was just used to it! One of our friends actually (as a joke) addressed a letter to us as Dr. and Mr. AOII Angel! I thought that was pretty funny. I really don't care if people call me Dr. I do go by my maiden name professionally (it's really hard not to if you graduated before marrying) and my married name personally. If I get something from people who don't know me, I don't get offended, but friends and family should know better.

[Taualumna]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

Some unmarried women prefer Miss even if they're over 18. A good friend of my mother's preferred to be addressed as "Miss Jane Doe" (she never married) and used "Miss" until the day she died.

That's true. All mail from my high school is still addressed to Miss Taualumna LASTNAME 1998. I think Miss is default until you change it yourself.

My high school also had an interesting/nonconformist style guide for mail addressed to alumnae who've taken their husband's name when mail is addressed to the couple - this most commonly applies for those with legacy children. Instead of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, which ignores the fact that Mrs. Doe is an alumna, the letters would be addressed:

Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane SMITH Doe 1985

If Mrs. Doe hyphenates her name, then she's really Ms. Jane SMITH-Doe 1985. Of course, at that time, her name will appear first.