Getting Tested

[WVU alpha phi]

Definitely a taboo topic but I just went to the doctor's today for an annual checkup and decided, after a conversation with my boyfriend last night, to get an HIV test.

I haven't been tested in 6 years. And I'm TERRIFIED. The last time I was tested I spent the week waiting in misery. Couldn't eat, couldn't focus on anything, nothing. Luckily things were fine. And now I'm back at square one- just tested, told it will take one but maybe 2 weeks, and "no news is good news." I feel like anytime my phone rings from now until December I'm gonna have a heart attack.

I don't have any particular reason to believe I have it. Just now every stupid, bad, and wrong decision ever made is at the forefront of my mind. I think of people I've hooked up with that I know and knew at the time were definitely on the sluttier side. And now I'm kicking myself for things, which I know is pointless except as a wakeup call for the future (which I'm in a serious relationship now anyway).

Another fear is that I was tested for STDs too, so I'm scared I'll get a call from the doctor, immediately assume the worst, and then have a positive result for something treatable. Still not something I want at all, but much easier to handle. I just don't think I can handle looking at my phone and seeing my doctor's number.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What did you do to not go absolutely insane while waiting for the results?